Check out entry eight to read the previous letter.

Entry 9-I Can’t Run From This

Dear Marsha,

I understand what you said last time we spoke.  You asked me who in the Bible I related.  When I think about it I can relate to King David. Psalms is the one book of the Bible that truly shows what goes on in my mind. There are times where I’m so good and I feel God right there. I’m praising and thanking him for the gift of life—to not wake up with my eyes swollen from crying. I thank him for reminding me how precious my life is and how I haven’t done anything to harm that; to be able to have positive thoughts—that’s the biggest one—to conquer my thoughts. But then I have times where I’m pleading with God, I’m asking him to snuff me out cause I’m bad or I messed up. I’m asking him “Why must I have to constantly deal with something I can’t run from? Why must I constantly hurt people? Why can’t I just be fine? Why are my enemies constantly surrounding me? Thoughts are my enemies. It’s good to know that God’s beloved had depression and anxiety. Reading through Psalms, he suffered from that. No doubt. But man was he good. Yeah, he had his slip ups, some big slip ups. But God always had his back. Never let him succumb to his enemies. He made sure his kingdom thrived. I hope God sees me as his beloved. Maybe there is some chance I’ll thrive and conquer these things. But I shouldn’t get too hopeful.

God Choses the Broken

Hello Ms. Misery,

I don’t think I could agree with you more about David but first I have to say many of the statements you made are very profound.  When we have good days, we need to be thankful for them.  Other people take for granted that they didn’t cry their eyes out the night before and woke up with a migraine.  Others take for granted that their head doesn’t feel so clouded with thoughts you think you are under water.  Being able to go have a time, whether it is a day or a month without hurting others verbally is a victory.  You letter last week made it clear that at times you are so hurt, that you hurt others.  I think we all need to take a moment and thank God for the little moments when we have peace as oppose to waiting for the complete breakthrough.

Sometimes we have a hard time believing that the ones that God chose, are broken vessels.  It is hard to believe that Elijah and Jonah were suicidal, Moses was a murderer, Abraham was a liar and David battled with depression, John and James had anger issues and Peter was impulsive.  How could we have any hope of being better, if God only chooses perfect people?  David is someone so many relate with, even though his standards were high in some aspects of his life, but some areas of his life had low standards.  He had enemies, fears, good days, bad days, confidence and insecurities.  That is how we know the Bible is true because God allows us to witness all those layers of his life; the good and the bad.  God could have only recorded his victories but he recorded all of it as well as everyone else’s good and bad.  There were so many Psalms that can be encouraging but read Psalms 102:1-17 (this one is not from David but just is labeled A prayer of an afflicted person who has grown weak and pours out a lament before the Lord.

1. Hear my prayer,Lord;                                                                                                                                                                                               let my cry for help come to you.
² Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.

³ For my days vanish like smoke;
my bones burn like glowing embers.
⁴ My heart is blighted and withered like grass;
I forget to eat my food.
⁵ In my distress I groan aloud
and am reduced to skin and bones.
⁶ I am like a desert owl,
like an owl among the ruins.
⁷ I lie awake; I have become
like a bird alone on a roof.
⁸ All day long my enemies taunt me;
those who rail against me use my name as a curse.
⁹ For I eat ashes as my food
and mingle my drink with tears
¹⁰ because of your great wrath,
for you have taken me up and thrown me aside.
¹¹ My days are like the evening shadow;
I wither away like grass.

In these verses you can see that this person is in distress and discouraged.  They think that God is mad at them, they face enemies and they think that God is not listening so they have to beg. But look come to themselves. 

¹² But you, Lord, sit enthroned forever;
your renown endures through all generations.
¹³ You will arise and have compassion on Zion,
for it is time to show favor to her;
the appointed time has come.
¹⁴ For her stones are dear to your servants;
her very dust moves them to pity.
¹⁵ The nations will fear the name of the Lord,
all the kings of the earth will revere your glory.
¹⁶ For the Lord will rebuild Zion
and appear in his glory.
¹⁷ He will respond to the prayer of the destitute;
    he will not despise their plea.

I think verse 17 is perfect because the writers reminds us that God does not just listen to the perfect, the encouraged, those that have only good days. But they encourage us by saying, God responds to the prayers of the destitute and will not ignore their pleading.

Does what I say make sense to you?  Do you think that you are making any progress as you read the Bible?

-Marsha