HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I am so happy to have you guys as part of the Winters family in 2017. For the month of January, we have a guest blogger, Alejandra Tash!  She has been such a blessing to our ministry and will be joining us in the future. Alejandra is going to be challenging us all on the topic of loving yourself. So let us prepare ourselves for four amazing weeks of searching our hearts towards ourselves.

Let’s Get Real…I Hate Myself

“For if anyone is a hearer of the word, but not a doer, he is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror.” James 1:23

Hey ya’ll, I hope and pray this blog finds you well! I kept being put in situations where I would think of the topic I would be covering – “loving yourself.” On this journey, I discovered and am discovering things about myself that I never knew even existed. I encourage you to take this challenge with me and look in the spiritual mirror.  “Self-esteem,” “self-love,” and “loving me,” is spending time with myself.  These were affirmations and perceptions I knew nothing about and disliked out of fear.

Let me introduce myself, hi my name is Alejandra and I hated myself.

Growing up in a broken and dysfunctional home, where I did not know my father until I was about five years old, I never knew what love was. I am talking about *true* love, the agape love that the Bible speaks about. It was not until I was much older that became aware of self-esteem, self-love and loving me. These thoughts came to me while I was waiting on the Lord’s promise to provide a husband for me. The concept of true love continued even after meeting and marrying my husband, but when I truly began to feel a need for this love was when my husband and I decided it was time to expand our family. In my mind, I thought I was ready to receive this blessing, a baby, right away. But I had to wait. And even though that was hard, I believe God orchestrated it exactly this way and He would not have it any other way. He needed me to understand and feel love so that I would be able to give that love to my children.

You see, what I actually had was “self-loathing.” I know that is a strong description, but I cannot find a better word at this time. What I am about to describe is exactly what it felt like. The dislike I had for myself was so great that I despised looking in the mirror. I thought of myself as too ugly. I would run past mirrors so as not to see my reflection and if I ever caught a glimpse of me, I hated what I saw. This went on until I clearly heard a voice say, “If you don’t confront the image, how could you ever change what you cannot see?”

Un-forgiveness Made Me Ugly

What truth did I need to face in those mirrors? I had hatred for others, unable to forgive myself and those who hurt me. I was envious of all who seemed more successful than me, and I especially hated those “bold” enough to chase after their dreams. I thought, “How dare you chase your dreams?” “How dare you be brave?” And I would ridicule them and find fault in all they did. I remember I had a friend who was getting married at the same time I was. She and I were really good friends, but I saw her life as everything I wanted. I wanted her parents, I wanted her childhood, and I wanted her wedding and I wanted her family. I would compare everything I was doing to what she did and I wanted to do it better! The truth is, all of these resentful thoughts had nothing at all to do with my friend, her family, or her wedding — not one bit of it. It had EVERYTHING to do with me, my family and my past. I came from a difficult past and a less than picture perfect family and I wanted all she had because she reminded me of what I “didn’t” have. Truly it all came down to the definition of the term “love of God” or the lack of it in my case.

We are taught that “love” forgives all; but my heart was so empty of forgiveness, it reigned over my life. I could not forgive my father for going to jail; I could not forgive my parents for not staying together and giving me a picture perfect home. I could not forgive my stepparents for how they treated me; I could not forgive my half-siblings for having it “all.” They had parents who were actually married and raising them the best way they could. It did not stop there; I could not forgive my husband’s family for not loving me.  This lack of the ability to forgive festered into so many areas of my life that I began to manipulate the Word of God in order to continue harboring and imprisoning them in my heart.

I had it all planned out in my head. I had many ways I thought I could escape having to forgive these prisoners of my heart. I would move as far away as possible so that I didn’t have to see them or speak to them. But some of them were family members so I couldn’t really escape. No matter what, family would always be family. And then, something happened. God’s voice began to break through those walls loud and clear. While I was reading His Word one day the words “do not dishonor each other” popped out. I knew God meant I should forgive those people, and also maintain good speech about them or no speech about them at all from my mouth.  I exercised forgiveness when I was intentional in my speech about them.  God wanted me to opt for forgiveness each time!

How Can You Change What You Cannot See?

The lack of forgiveness is a really crazy way of saying, “Well you hurt me, and I will make sure you don’t do it again by keeping you in this box called ‘bad people’ and never letting you back into that vulnerable space again.” I learned the hard way, that it takes a lot of energy to keep those people in the “bad people” box. I had a choice to make just as you have a choice to make.

This past summer was when I had a liberating thought “if you don’t confront the image, how could you ever change what you cannot see?” That mirror was the Word of God. Look at what James chapter one says,

²³ Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror ²⁴ and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. ²⁵ But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

Sometimes we avoid the mirror because we don’t like what we are going to see.  We don’t like what it’s going to show us about ourselves.  We hate seeing the ugliness of our actions and thoughts so we won’t look at it.  How can we change what we won’t confront?

I was prompted to look into the word “love” and what it means for me as a child of God to love like He did. In our next blog, We will speak about what love is and is not. Come on this journey with me. I’m going to be challenging myself as I challenge you.

-Alejandra

Hello, friend, it’s Marsha. I loved the way Alejandra was so open about how she thought of others when they received something she wanted.  How many times do we judge others and put others down because we don’t like ourselves?  I have found that some of the most judgmental people are the ones who dislike where they are in life.

7 Day Challenge

I would love for you to take some time over the next 7 days and write down things about yourself you really don’t love and why. Take the week to meditate on Psalms 139.  Really think about verses 13-16.  Then take some time in your devotion to ask God to help you see yourself the way God sees you.

Do you struggle with forgiveness? Check out some of our past blogs from the month of November. I also wrote a blog about being your own worst enemy – just click here to read.

You can also email us if you need help with something mentioned in this blog. Alejandra may also reply to you personally to give you support.  Follow us on Instagram and Facebook @throughthewinters and on Twitter @thruthewinters.

Parenting Is A Lifetime Job

If you are a parent like me you have watched your children are grow in the world we are living in today no matter what age they are. When I held my first son for the first time, it did not hit me right away that he was mine. It wasn’t until he was about two weeks old and crying his eyes out because he wanted me and me alone to hold him. I was overwhelmed with the idea that he would not find comfort in anyone else’s arms but mine. I could not take a shower for more than 3 minutes. I had to scarf my food down because having him cry it out was breaking me. He was getting painfully hoarse as he was determined not to comfort himself till I scooped him up, held him close and softly kissed his face. “Where was this kid’s parent?” I started asking myself. I was barely 24 years old and this baby was entrusted in my care with no map, script, or manual. There was so much more to raising a child then changing diapers and nursing. This parenting task was a lifetime job and I needed to think of what legacy, what life I was going to give this child.

I want to tell you a story of a mother that went through a very uncertain season of her life. At the age of fifty four years old, Rhoda lived on the beautiful island of Jamaica. She was not living in an area that many tourist visited due to the poverty and the lack all around. Rhoda lived off her land for most of her life and did not need to work. Unfortunately, she found herself in her own painful winter season. Sadly, Rhoda had experienced the fear all parents have, burying a child. But Rhoda did not go through that nightmare once. Rhoda was broken when she was hit with the loss of another child. Her 24-year-old daughter was very ill, but did not tell anyone. She went to the hospital but it was too late. What was going to be an even greater challenge was her daughter left behind 4 very young children: 8-year-old, 4-year-old, and 2-year-old daughters, and a 1-year-old baby boy. Rhoda was not going to leave them without care, so when she brought in these 4 parentless children, she started another chapter of mothering again.

Starting Her Legacy

Rhoda was forced to go to work for the first time in the sugar cane fields to support her grandchildren. This was her winter season and it was going to get worse before it got better. Not long after bringing in her 4 grandchildren did tragedy strike again. Her only grandson amongst this tribe was growing ill and fast. Before she knew it, she was burying her grandson shortly after losing her daughter. The pains of these blows were more than anyone could handle, but with the Lord by her side, she was going to make this happen. Rhoda continued working as hard as she could and her other family members joined in to help her care for the lives of these three girls. Her daughter did not take her children to church, so her granddaughters were not accustomed to the idea of God. She fixed that immediately. The girls started going to church regularly and there would be daily readings of the Bible. Every night she called her three beauties into her room and gave them a passages of scripture to read out loud. She did this for two reasons: one, this daily get together reassured her that her girls were reading the Word, but it also helped her as she was losing her eyesight.

This powerful grandmother was also a revolutionary as she felt the call to preach the Word of God at any chance she got. Rhoda made it her business to preach on the street corners, because in those days women preachers were unheard of. She moved in her gift of prophecy regularly as she allowed the Lord to use her to speak words of encouragement and correction to those He brought along her path. Rhoda refused to allow her severe, poverty-stricken state to dictate what she was going to do for God. She opened her home to all the missionaries, evangelist, pastors and their staff when they came in the area. She never turned away anyone because she wanted to bless the people of God. She never took a dime and she made sure to feed everyone that came in three meals a day. Her home was small, so she made her granddaughters sleep on the floor so that every guest could get a soft bed to sleep on.

Rhoda’s love for God was so amazing and passionate that her granddaughters only knew her as a prayer warrior. This woman knew how to pray her heart out. She never allowed the gates of hell to prevail against her as she regularly “stormed into the enemy’s camp and took back what the enemy stole from her.” She prayed for every single member of her family including her three granddaughters. They were her priorities.

God Honored This Wynters Season

Sadly at the age of about 67, Rhoda had a massive stroke and went to be with the Lord. One thing that lived on after Rhoda settled herself in her brand spanking new mansion in the sky, was her prayers. Fifty years after her death, several of her great grandchildren walked in her footsteps and made Jesus center of their lives. One of her great granddaughters is now heading a new ministry helping those who have gone through painful seasons of their life. Rhoda was a perfect example of taking a painful time and turning it into purpose. She prayed to God more during her winter season than any other time of her life and that is why God wanted to honor her. I am honored to say that I am one of her great granddaughters.

Without any knowledge of my great grandmother to this extent, I created the pen name Marsha Winters for the book we wrote instead of using my actual name. I picked those names for silly reasons, but I would later find out that God had a bigger plan when my mother heard what name I picked. To my biggest surprise, my mother told me that my great grandmother’s full name was Rhoda Wynters.

When God gave us the name “Through the Winters” he was really honoring her for her dedication and selflessness to her children and grandchildren. 50 years later, the youngest of the three girls, my own mother, has been the pastor of her own church for almost 15 years. Rhoda’s great-great grand daughter from her oldest granddaughter is a licensed minister and working hand in hand with me in this ministry. Where Rhoda was reduced to the street corners to preach the gospel, she prepared a way for the future generations of women in her family to preach from pulpits, and lead ministries and churches. Every moment she sought the face of God for her kids never went void.

As a mother, I take praying for my children and grandchildren seriously. I want to encourage you to see how important your roles are to not only your kids, but to your grandchildren and even great grandchildren. Take a moment to start your own legacy with your kids, even if they are unborn. Write down some prayers for your descendant that will outlive you. It would be wonderful if you even write some good prayers for others to adopt below because we would love to hear from you.

Laying the Foundation Of A Great Nation

Ok let’s let our imagination run wild for a minute before you read this blog. Let’s forget that America started off the way it did with Columbus who discovered a place that already had people on it. How would you feel if you were the one to start the foundation of a great nation for example America or China even? How would you lay the first stepping stones of these great nations if God gave you the chance? Don’t answer yet. In my fifteen years of mothering my four rugrats I feel like they have taught me more than I have taught them. My children have shown me how arrogant, prideful, quick tempered, angry, and impatient I could and can be. They make me say things that I never thought I would say like, “Stop licking the carpet!” , “How many times do I have to tell you to take your foot out of your mouth?” “How many times do I have to tell you to get your face out of the dogs butt while he’s pooping!” or “I know she deserves it but stop strangling your sister!!!” Even though these dirty, toenail biting, murderers push me to the limit, they are almost everything to me. I remember when I just found out that I was pregnant with my last child. The overwhelming feeling was more than I thought I could handle. My youngest daughter was only FIVE months old when I found out and I had barely started sleeping the whole night before I was pregnant again. I could not help but be a little angry and doubtful because our life could not handle one more child, so I thought. My finances were barely making it and I was almost drowning from parenting my three children. I felt like a failure and for some reason feelings of embarrassment haunted me. I didn’t want to tell anyone of the new life growing in me for fear that they would see me as irresponsible.

It’s Not What You Want But What I Want

A few weeks went by and I went to a service at a friend’s church and decided to go up for prayer, not for the baby but for ministry in general. What was about to happen was going to be the single most amazing thing that had ever happened to me in my adult life to date. I did not get to tell the preacher why I was going to the altar before she looked at me and said, “You are three months pregnant. You are like Mary carrying the baby Jesus. This is not what you want this is what I (God) wants. This baby will be a prophet to the nations and his name will be called Emmanuel.” She continued to prophesy to me, but by the time she was done I was keeled over crying my eyes out and could hear nothing. What kind of God was I serving? To hear God say it wasn’t what I wanted but what he wanted was such a relief. Sometimes we forget that God knows what he is doing and HE is in control. It did not end there. A day or two later I started processing what happened. I went into my kids room and started crying again and the Lord spoke once again and he said, “You are not just carrying a baby but you are carrying a nation.” NATION!? What does that mean? When God referred to children in the old testament what did he call them…nation! I lost that. God wasn’t asking me to just love, provide or even raise a child. He was entrusting me to lay the foundations of four powerful nations! I think that in this day and age we have lost the value of the life of children. I know I did. One day when I was preparing a sermon I looked at the way God saw children. It’s funny because in the Old Testament they called children “nations” but in the New Testament he didn’t refer to them as that. When someone asked Jesus who the greatest in the kingdom was in Matthew 18:3-6, He called a…CHILD. He said,

“Truly I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.” ESV

Read that verse again… if we do not become like a child we will NEVER enter heaven. He doesn’t say if we don’t get into meaningless debates, or if you don’t wear the right clothes, or memorize scripture, or if you don’t give all your money to the church you won’t enter heaven. He said unless you turn (change) and become like a child you will never enter. Then he says the foundation of being the GREATEST in the kingdom is found in the personality of a child!! If this is your first time reading that take the time out to soak that in. If you are a parent and you are reading this while your child is sleeping, at school, work or even sleeping in your arms, God has blessed you with greatness at some point in your life. Greatness isn’t on the T.V. running our government or inventing something that is going to die out in a year or two. Greatness is sitting right there on the floor playing with their toys. I wept that day when I realized I was raising four nations but I was equally humbled when I grasped the idea that if I wanted to be great in the kingdom, I needed to learn from my children. I needed to teach them as they taught me.

It’s Just Suicide

Understanding just a small part of how God saw my children made me understand why the enemy aims to get me to lose my focus and leave them exposed and unprotected like we talked about two weeks ago. My mentality towards them changed so much. I felt humbled and honored for the opportunity. The other part of Jesus’ speech is that he gives a warning to all those that cause one of these little ones who believe in him to stumble. He basically says you better commit suicide because it’s not going to be pretty after that. Why? If receiving one of these little children is receiving him, then hurting one of these children is like hurting him. I am totally aware that Jesus used these children as examples so people may question this, but I can tell you that there is not one person who has ever harmed a child that can sit you square in the face and say there has been no consequence for it.

Take a minute and write down your thoughts on these questions, do you see your children as nations? Why or why not. Are you laying the RIGHT foundations for them or are you neglecting them? What bricks are you giving them to start this foundation: neglect, fear, shabby view of God, inconsistency, anxiety, doubt? Those bricks will not stand under the weight of God’s calling and then attack of the enemy. If you need help in undoing some things you feel will hurt your child in the long run, comment below at your comfort level or email us. We would love to help.

When The Booboos Aren’t Fixable

Parenting my children when they were babies, as difficult a season it was, was easy compared to the other chapters of parenting to come. As children there is something about the love, compassion and kisses of a parent that makes a booboo feel oh that much better. There was one really bad injury that my oldest son Joey received when he was about 4 years old. We were at an outreach for the community in the summer and there were tons of people. I sat him down in his Spongebob beach chair on a grassy area that seemed unusually uneven. He sat close to a gate while I went to go get something. A few minutes later I glanced over and saw that the chair was tilting and he was going to fall. It felt like I was running in slow motion to stop the chair from falling but I was unsuccessful. The chair fell all the way back causing him to smash the back of his head against the gate. The gate was designed in a way where there were sharp points at the end of it and like a dull knife, and it caused a huge gash in his head. Needless to say, my son cried brutally. Everyone around him came to his rescue, but their faces just made things worse because they were not the familiar voices or faces of those he was used to comforting him. Their frantic behavior just heightened the panic. I grabbed his face and hugged him but the noise around him as people saw the blood was scaring him even more. I silenced everyone around me and held him as he cried even though I was panicking myself. I promised him that he was going to be ok. After a lot of hugs kisses and a few stitches, he was back to his old self. If I could have kept my kids at that age I would because most of the hurts they faced were fixable with a little tender-loving care. Unfortunately, as they got older I realized that their hurt and pain was not so visible, not so detectable, and required discernment and patience.

Hurt Off The Radar

It was about 9 years later, emotional changes were happening in my son Joey. He was quieter and a little more irritable. He asked random questions that were inconvenient to the time and my patience was stretched between him, my three other kids, and my husband. One morning we were all getting ready and he started asking something about his appearance and the question just seemed annoying to me. It was a question he had been nagging me about for days and this just was not the morning. I snapped at him, he became silent but really angry. He left the house. As soon as everyone left a song came on my iPod by Anthony Evans called, “All That Matters”

The Lord spoke to me and said, “How you see him is the ONLY thing that matters to him. For now you are his example of me and he needs you to hear his hurt when he can’t speak. Don’t you see how self conscious he is about his image and he needs you to be sensitive to it. Reassure him that you will try to listen to him more.” I told God that I was so sorry and I wish I could apologize to him and at that very moment he walked in because he forgot something for school. Just before he walked out the door I swallowed my pride and I spoke to his hurting spirit. I said, “I’m sorry for snapping at you. You are going through changes and don’t understand what’s going on. You are concerned about your self-image and I haven’t understood.” His head dropped as tears came to his eyes. The tears started running down the bridge of his nose. “I am sorry for not understanding.” I grabbed his head and held him while His cry turned from tears to a very quiet sob. I had to realized that his hurt was not going to be as detectable as it was before.

Invisible hurt is not just in teenagers and young adults. You can see invisible hurt in young children and not know it. I had a lot of invisible hurt at the age of six years old and no one saw it at home, school or even church. So Marsha how do I help my child if their hurt is hidden and invisible? Well the first thing you need to know is it’s not just hidden from you but it is hidden from them as well. I did not have the ability to formulate the words to explain how empty, hopeless, broken and worthless I was feeling when I was younger and sometimes I still have a hard time explaining it. So don’t expect them to give you a road map to their pain. Luke 18:15-17

15 Now they were also bringing their babies to Him, so that He would touch and bless them, and when the disciples noticed it, they began reprimanding them. 16 But Jesus called them to Himself, saying [to the apostles], “Allow the children to come to Me, and do not forbid them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 17 I assure you and most solemnly say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God [with faith and humility] like a child will not enter it at all.” (AMP)

The parents in Luke did exactly what we need to do…bring our children to Him. Think about this scene. Jesus did not just spend his time here on earth praying for sick, taking strolls on the face of the water or multiplying panera bread and halibut. He prayed for countless children. This verse said that he touched and blessed them. Is there ever a time that a touch from Jesus was futile? Jesus knew exactly what was coming up for each and every child brought before him. He knew their destiny, their weakness, their failures and their successes. When he touched them he prayed for them as well and this prayer was perfect. Was there ever a blessing from Jesus that was not fulfilled? Has anything changed?

Step 1 – Humble Yourself

We as parents need to trust our children into the hands of God so that he can touch them. Don’t talk yourself out of this simple truth. Look at what God said, “Allow the children to come to me, and do not forbid them.” When you bring them to him Jesus will lead you and guide you through his written word and his spoken word how to help your child to find healing from their hurt. It may require you to humble yourself and apologize for walking away from them in their time of need like I did with Joey in the chair. Children want their parents by their side. It doesn’t matter how many people come to their rescue, it is the love and acceptance of their mother or father that makes the pain bearable. Their hurt may bring you some anxiety as well so put your trust in God while you hold your child during this rocky season. Maybe you said something insensitively to them during a time of hurt and didn’t realize it like I did when he was battling with self-image. You maybe the example of Jesus by the love you show them. You have to understand that for a small period of time your child thinks that all that matters is what you think of them. Your words mean more to them than anything and if you lose that, you will never be able to be that example to them.

It may not always be as easy as my example but know that there is nothing impossible. If you need more help ask away in the comments below (at your comfort, of course). You can also email us if your question is a little more personal. I want to also invite you to purchase “The Threshing: A Weapon Forged by Fire.” This tool may help give even more clarity to your child’s hurt.

The Desperate Enemy

As a teen I grew very intrigued by the behaviors of animals. I loved watching documentaries of nature. My oldest son has the same fascination but to a whole ‘nother level. One day I was watching a documentary of a pride of lions. The lioness had not eaten over several days so they were making plans on how to get their next meal. In their first attempt they tried to go after gazelles. The grass was golden to match their golden fur which allowed them to blend perfectly. Every lioness had their position and their job. As they patiently positioned themselves, they were discovered and they had no other choice but to still go through with their attack in hopes that they would get one gazelle. To their disappointment, they had to go one more day hungry as they waited for their energy to return and another chance for a meal. Luckily for them there was a group of wildebeest that was coming through the pride lands. The lioness had to plan again to bag their next meal, but could they actually go after a wildebeest? They were bigger and stronger than the gazelles. I watched as every lioness was successfully in their spot without alarm, and then the head lioness went for it. They chased the herd of wildebeests in what seemed to be a meaningless event. While watching, you think they are going for an adult because they are bigger and can feed them all comfortably, but I was wrong. They continued chasing the herd till you see them separating a brand new baby calf that still had a small string of the umbilical cord dangling from the belly button. It was quickly getting tired and lagging behind. Due to the fact that the lions hadn’t eaten for a while they went after prey that was more reachable.

You Are Not The Target

While this baby was running for his life trying to keep up with his mother who was clueless, the mother of this baby was running as fast as she could in fear of being attacked herself. It was visible the moment this mother realized that her baby was not by her side. The frantic mother realized that she wasn’t even being chased anymore. She made the dangerous decision to turn around with no care of what was awaiting her. What she was just running from, is now what she had to face. When she turned around, to her horror her brand new baby was seriously wounded. This brave mother faced her baby’s attackers and was able to remove them from her dying baby, but it was too late. This baby was dying fast but the mother would not leave her baby. That was okay because the lions just waited until she finally came to grips with the idea that her child was dying and there was nothing she could do about it. They never chased her because she was not the target. They chased her because they knew she would care more about herself and her own safety so she would leave her brand new baby exposed.

It’s a lucky thing we as humans don’t do that! We know better than these foolish animals…right? Or do we? We may not allow our children to be exposed to lions but we allow them to be exposed to other things. Sadly I have watched as parents, especially my own, make the exact same mistake as the wildebeests. What if that little calf could still speak after getting wounded so badly?

One of the most emotional shows I have ever seen was about a group of men who fathered children by several different women. The program was showing that the men were not just degrading themselves and the women they were having children with, but these men were carrying emotional baggage that was never dealt with. In one of these testimonials, one of the men faced his mother as he confessed his bitterness towards her for never being there for him. My husband and I cried as we watched as this man was vulnerable to his mother as if they were behind closed doors and no one else was around. As a child his mother was so disconnected from his hurt that she did not even notice him sitting on the couch after he had taken a handful of pills. He shared for the first time that he tried to kill himself and was waiting for the effects when she walked in and barely acknowledged him. All she did was greet him and walk past him while the taste of the pills were still in his mouth. It was clear the mother never knew of it and as she listened, it was like someone was draining the life from her. The host of the show needed to stand back to back with her because it was clear this woman was going to fall from the impact of the news. I never tried to physically kill myself, but I know how it feels to be hurting so bad and my parents not even realizing it. I sympathized with teenager after teenager, who were left behind by their parents like that calf. Teenagers that were so deep into pornography that they could not think because family members exposed them to it. I spoke to teenagers that were sexually active because they were raped right under their parent’s noses. I spoke to girls that had abortions and miscarriages and the parents never knew because they were too occupied with running for their lives. The list goes on and on.

Are You Cautious At ALL Times?

These children were the target, not the parent. Like the lion, when the enemy could not successfully bring down the parent he went after the child because the child was weaker and more naïve. They were strategic and patient. The pain of it is that by the time the parent or guardian sees that their child is under attack it’s usually too late. Now the enemy just waits for you to just give up on saving them so they can finish them off. You see these situations are very extreme, but we all have to remember that 1 Peter 5:8 says that Satan is LIKE a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. Satan is hungry for his next meal and the truth is he doesn’t play fair. He doesn’t just go after adults or strong Christians that can fight back. He goes after the weak. But what other group of people that are weaker than a generation of kids that have parents that are preoccupied with things they think matter. That wildebeest was running for HER life, but was not making sure her child was protected.

1 Peter 5:8 AMP starts off by saying That we need to be “BALANCED, sober of mind, be vigilant and cautious at ALL times.” Are you balanced or are you engrossed in work, friendships or finances? Are you sober in your thinking? Parents/guardians, are you being cautious at all times with your children? The awesome thing is that there is still hope. By God’s stripes we are healed, and so are our children. God can bring what is dead to life. It is not too late. Next week I’ll talk about what we can do for our children who have been wounded. If you have any questions please feel free to ask in the comments below or email us privately.

Painfully Protective

In the posts written thus far, I have shared a side of my father which showed his abusive nature. He was harsh and cruel but there was one thing about this man that I would proclaim on the top of any mountain… my father would kill ANYONE that touched his kids. As you read other entries you will hear my stories with him but there was one thing I can say, I never feared anyone but him. No matter how abusive HE was to my brothers and I, he would NEVER let anyone place their hands on us without bring them to their knees in fear of death… REAL death. I am in no way exaggerating about this.

If we, who are mere humans know how to defend our loved ones when they are being attacked, how much more would God do for us? My family and I lived in a building 7 stories high, and there was a thirteen-year-old boy who lived directly above us. This young man was known for his bad behavior and rudeness to adults. One summer day my younger brother and I were going to ride our bikes outside, so we went to the elevator which was one door away from our apartment. We pressed the button and waited patiently. When the door opened the young boy and one of his friends were there. He blocked the elevator door, and when he saw we were trying to come on, the boy stood in our way and told us to take the next elevator. The door closed and my apartment door opened. My father asked why I didn’t go on the elevator, and when I told him what happened my father immediately ran upstairs to meet this boy. He banged on the door and the young man came out. My father started screaming obscenities at him. That young boy’s mother tried desperately to calm my father down, but it was futile. At some point my father stormed away from them to go into our apartment and get something. After he found what he wanted, he ran back upstairs with something. He had his gun. He pointed his loaded gun in the face of this thirteen-year-old boy. Immediately his mother jumped in front of the gun screaming with pure desperation for my father to kill her instead. The fear of the boy’s mother caused my father to snap out of it, but before he promised that if the boy were to ever touch any of us, my father would kill him.

My Big Daddy

Is our God that way? Does he point a loaded gun in the face of a minor like that and promise to blow his head off? Our God is not cruel or heartless, but he is not an inactive father either. I am tired of people painting God as a weak, clueless entity who is far away and raising up a cult of hippy, liberal, ditzy, mine less followers. Yes He is Love, but He is also God — Lord of Lords, King of Kings and a very protective Heavenly Father. He is not sitting back watching his kids being beaten up, abused, even beheaded with no plan of action. He’s not going to see wrong done without intervening. I learned why the Bible tells us to pray for our enemies because when God has finished with them, I will feel total remorse for all that has befallen them. Some people may have a hard time with this kind of view of God because we don’t want to face the fact that the Bible warns us that God does get angry. What father wouldn’t if they saw the apple of their eye being abused (Psalm 17:6-7)?

One of the things I learned about my father was the longer it took for him to blow his top, the worse the eruption when it happened. Apparently, this young man had run-ins with my father before that incident with the elevator and this was just the last straw. God is the same way. Don’t believe me? Look at the famous story of the children of Israel being enslaved by the Egyptians. The Lord’s anger was held back from the Egyptians for 400 years. In those years the different pharaohs abused the people, enslaved them, killed their babies and more. When God finally called Moses to deliver them he said,

“22 Israel is my firstborn son, 23 and I told you, “Let my son go, so he may worship me.” But you refused to let him go; so I will kill your firstborn son.’” Exodus 4:22-23 NIV.

Don’t you see? God was not just speaking as a Lord or just a judge giving justice, but as a Father who had enough! He called Israel his “firstborn son.” So his goal was to take out Pharaoh’s firstborn son. Not only did God kill his firstborn, but God totally brought one of the most powerful, influential, feared nations to their knees, begging for mercy. That nation was never able to return to what they were after God was done with them.
There is one more example, the very first king was named King Saul. In 1 Samuel 15, God gave him a very harsh command. He told Saul that he was going to punish the Amalekite people so, Saul was to kill every single person. He was to even make sure that the animals were killed as well. Now someone reading this would feel that they had proof of God’s random unfair judgment and evidence of the injustice he reigned on the innocent but, on the contrary, we see a father that is paying a people back for the cruel attack that was inflicted on his “firstborn son” all the way back in Exodus 17. Deuteronomy 25 recalls it:

“17 Remember what the Amalekites did to you along the way when you came out of Egypt. 18 When you were weary and worn out, they met you on your journey and attacked all who were lagging behind; they had no fear of God. 19 When the Lord your God gives you rest from all the enemies around you in the land he is giving you to possess as an inheritance, you shall blot out the name of Amalek from under heaven. Do not forget!” (NIV)

These cruel people preyed on the old, slow, weary and worn out while they were escaping from Egypt. They went after those who could not fight for themselves and nothing makes a father more angry than someone who goes after his kids when they are in a vulnerable state. God may not repay right away, but sometimes that’s worse because if that group of people doesn’t repent and they find themselves in the hands of angry God the Father, then I think it makes sense to pray for our enemies. If you read on in 1 Samuel 15, Saul did not kill the leader of these people. He wanted to keep him alive. This act of mercy cost Saul the throne.

You Need To Pray For Them

My father was a mean, cruel, foul-mouthed, addict who was abusive and brash, but when I gave my heart to the Lord I expected God to fight for me the way my father did. I expected that when I came before him and told him how I was attacked and hurt, that he would take care of it better than I ever could. You see my friend, there maybe people that have attacked you and hurt you, robbed you, and even victimized you and you think that God has done nothing, but I am proof that ALLLL that broke me, ruined me, tried to destroy me, and were puppets in traps set for me, found themselves in the hands of a very angry Father. You are no different. You have to know that you have a Father who wants to hold you, wipe every tear away, but he also wants you to tell him what happened. He will take care of it… let’s put our names in this verse:

19 Do not take revenge, my dear [Marsha,] but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. Romans 12:19 (NIV)

Have you ever felt like God was unresponsive to your hurt? What makes praying for our enemies so hard? What challenges do you have? Please feel free to comment below or email us.

What Are They Going To Be

Working in youth for 17 years has challenged my faith in sooooo many ways. My first youth group that my husband and I pastored will continue to be the center of growth within our ministry. Young people are not easy to minister to. They can be guarded and stubborn. We were leading a group in the inner city so the challenges that they faced was not on a small scale. They definitely tested our patience to say the least. So many times I wanted to take one of my teens and beat the sin out of them and there were those that made me want to scream till I lost my voice — both I may have done at one time or another. Other times, they could make me so angry that I could have slapped their mama twice and repented later. But then there were times they made me laugh so hard when my own world was falling apart.

Youth ministry taught me a lot about God and his love. There was a young man that came into our group who battled with lying, rebellion, lust and anger. When he first came I caught him in lie after lie and it took everything in me to not lose it with him. This young man tried to change, but he was failing badly. He kept making bad choices, but God put a love in my heart that I had never had before for him and all the other kids. This young man was not alone in his constant battle with sin. The whole youth group lost the battle against their desires at some point. The love that I had for the kids was not determined by the right decisions they made. God gave me a vision of each kid that I got to know and this vision was of what they were going to be if they just surrendered. I fell in love with who they were going to become and not who they were at the moment. I didn’t mentor them by what they did in the present, but who they were destined to become in the future.

Trusting The Love Of Their Leader

You see each and every young person that God gave Sam and I trusted us enough to share the dysfunction of their lives. There were kids who didn’t know if their parents were going to be drunk and in a violent state when they went home. Some lived in homes where their father was beating their mother to a pulp. There were others that were living in flea infested apartments and were coming to youth group with dirty clothes because their homes were filthy. I even had girls coming to our group that were sharing a room with their relative that was molesting them. God gave me so much compassion for them because I remembered where I use to be when I was their age.

In the slim of life, God was showing me love when I did not deserve it. I can count on one hand how many times my parents initiated affection towards me or reassured acceptance of me. I needed my parents to show me what real affection was as a pre-teen or teenager. After being violated I was a magnet for sexual predators. Some sought me out and others I welcomed with open arms. As horrible as it sounded, that season of molestation was the time I saw as affection, yes distorted, dysfunctional affection, but it was better than what I was receiving… nothing. My father thought about inventive ways of beating me so badly that he left scars — this way I could not wear a skirt or bathing suit. I can count on one finger how many times he put his arms around me with love, and he was half way drunk when it happened.

I was so desperate that at 7 years old that I engaged in detestable things, so detestable that it would be distasteful to even get into. How could God love me after all that I was doing? How could he love me when he knew every disgusting, wicked thought that I had? Why in the world could he want me, I was tainted and invaluable? I could understand why he wanted to rescue me but why love me ? Yes he saw every detestable thing I did but he also saw all the things that were done to me. His love was not determined by what I did but who I was. You see God knew exactly what I would become if I would accept his help and let him rescue me. I needed love — but love that was not conditional. How was I going to have a real relationship with God if he loved me as my parents loved me? I needed someone who would love me unconditionally because even after I surrendered to the power of his love, I knew I would need grace and mercy because I was still flawed.

Before You Had A Name, You Were Called By Name

Can we talk for a minute — do you question God’s love? Do you think that his love for you is contingent on your successes or your failures? Do you think that the love of God is conditional? I obviously struggled with that then I came across this scripture years ago.

Jeremiah 1:5,
5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew[a] you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” NIV

When I see that God knew me before my parents knew me, loved me before my parents had me, I am blown away! You are no different: you were known and loved by God before life started for you. God loves you for who you are not for what you do.

Take some time to meditate on this verse. What does the verse above, Jeremiah 1:5, mean for you? Write your thoughts down. Do you believe it? What is your understanding of how God knows you and loves you? In this verse he is speaking to Jeremiah about who he will be. Do you believe that God knows who you are going to become? We would love to hear from you in the comments! If you want to hear more of my testimony, purchase our book, “The Threshing: A Weapon Forged by Fire.” Sign up here to read the first three chapters for free, and you can also buy the full book on Amazon.

He Won’t Leave Us This Way

One of my favorite toys to play with as a child was play-doh. It was soft, smooth and moldable, oh how I loved it so. I could shape a little person out of it, a couch, or even rolls of spaghetti and meatballs. I could spend hours making all these little things and then SMASH it and then starting all over again. One dreadful day, I opened my bottle of play-doh and it was just shoved in the container carelessly! I know I didn’t do that, it had to be my younger brother who had the tendency of getting into my things. I took out the dough gently and laid it on the table. I noticed it was not as soft as it was before. I gathered all the pieces together and started to work it as I had the first time but it was not the same, something was wrong. It was clear that when my pesky brother was playing with it, it was not a clean surface so the dough had tiny grains of dirt and hair. I could not do as I wanted with the dough as before. I had to pull out all those grains of dirt meticulously, then I had to take out the little pieces of hair. I started working it again but then I had to stop because I found another particle. When it was clear I got everything out, I had to add a little bit of water to my hands to help return the dough back to what it was before.

After I gave my heart to the Lord, like this dough, God was not in the business of leaving me the way I was. He loved me and so He wasn’t going to leave me marred. He could do nothing with me until he pulled out those things that were keeping me from being that vessel.

I was a very angry person when I came to the Lord. I was bullied in school because I was small, but I would not step down from a fight. My father instilled in me that I needed to solve my problem with my peers with my fists. Soon, I became the bully and turned into the predator instead of the prey. My heart was aching for love and acceptance so this was one of my outlets for my rage. It was also what made me feel like I had some kind of control. I was a little girl who was not being heard.

Facing The Truth

Anger was just one of the things I struggled with the most and it was the first thing God wanted to take out of me. How was he going to do that when I lived in a world of anger? Well, God made me face my Achilles’ Heel. The first question was, “Who am I angry with?”I realized that the one I was upset with was my parents and myself. I faced the truth that my father hated me and I was never going to have a real father-daughter relationship. Also, I had to come to the reality that my mother was always going to choose to be clueless of my hurt. She was my everything, but too busy to notice. With all of this, I needed to turn my affections towards God. My parents were broken themselves and they were a product of their brokenness.
I also realized I was angry with myself for not being like other little girls. I was mean, nasty, manipulative, dishonest and rough. I saw my flaws every time I looked in the mirror. I absolutely hated everything about me. I wanted out of this world so bad. I wanted to kill myself at the age of nine. God started to show me how He saw me, and the thing I labeled as a “flaw” He saw as something He could use. He slowly and meticulously helped me remove those destructive thoughts I had about myself and he replaced it with hope in Him.

Trusting The Hand Of The Potter

What was the most challenging thing about God removing these things? I had to trust Him. You see, like the play-doh I was not useable with those particles. I needed God to take time to remove everything that hindered him from molding me. What keeps us from trusting God? Jeremiah 18:2-6 gives us a little hint. Let’s substitute “Israel” with our names:

18 2 “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.”3 So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel.4 But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.
5 Then the word of the Lord came to me.6 He said, “Can I not do with you, Marsha, as this potter does?” declares the Lord. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Marsha”. (NIV)

The word “marred” means… “destroyed, devastated, ruined”. To be this vulnerable in the hands of God is more than we can handle. Also it is in verse 4 that the clue to our lack of trust is rooted… “shaping it as seemed best to HIM.” This verse scares anyone because we are not in control of what shape God makes us into, like my play-doh was not in control of what I did. Let’s look at one more verse, Romans 9: 20-21:

“But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’” Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some of the common use?” (NIV)

We would love to hear from you in the comments below… What questions come to your mind when you think of God shaping you as HE sees fit… (i.e. “What if I don’t like how he tries to make me?” “What about my desires” “How come I don’t get a choice?” or “Can I really trust him with my broken heart?”)What is keeping you from trusting in God? What are you too afraid to give up because it gives you a false sense of protection? I would love to hear from you. What are some other reasons you feel that we struggle with trusting in God? Also if you would like to hear more about my testimony read my book, “The Threshing: A Weapon Forged by Fire.” Sign up here to read the first three chapters for free! You can also buy the full book on Amazon!