Mommy’s Big Plans

What defines success for you and your children? Is it living comfortably in the Hamptons, living in a mortgage free house making six figures or is it attaining that Doctorate from Princeton?  Is success for your children indicative of them being showered with the approval and acceptance of others?  Do you want them sitting in the seat of power and authority? I know when I was growing up I wanted to be a pediatrician or a cardiologist.  I don’t know why but I desired to go after those things.  My mother wanted that for me, and so she found out that the desires of a ten-year-old changes when they turn 17.  Her plan for my life and even, my plan for my life, was changed when I got a hold of the truth.

We’ve been talking about Mangled Motherhood these last three weeks “Waiting For My Miracle”, “A Mother Who Never Wanted Rescuing”, and “See Our Children For Who They Are”.   This week challenges all of us to look at success and life through God’s eyes.  We have no idea what we are asking for when we chase prestige and acceptance for our little ones.  This last week’s mother urges Jesus to give her something that she would later thank God he never fulfilled. 

They Can Do It

This story is found in Matthew 20:20-28; which tells the story of the mother of two of Jesus’ disciples, James and John; later we find out her name is Salome.  Some people never put together that Salome was her name but look at Matthew 27:56 and Mark 16:1-3.  Mark is the only gospel that mentions her by name.  Salome became a follower of Jesus and, like everyone else, thought that Jesus’ presence on earth was to destroy the Roman Rule and take his rightful place on earth as King.  Her name is more familiar as one of the women at the cross in Mark 15:40 and in Mark 16:1 as one of the women who went to the tomb to anoint Jesus’ body after he died.  She saw the power of this 33-year-old Messiah and knew that he would be more significant than his great, great, great, great, great—maybe a few more greats—grandfather David.  She believed in his power and so she wanted to secure a place for her boys.  In Matthew 20

Vs. 21 she goes to Jesus, and he asks her what she wants as if he did not know.

She gives one of the most audacious answers ever…  

“Say that these two sons of mine are to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom.”  

Now, she is not having a private conversation; this was earshot of the other disciples.  What made her two sons better than the other disciples?  Wasn’t  Peter the one Jesus said he was going to give him the keys of heaven to so he can bind and loose in heaven and earth Matthew 16?  

Have you ever met a mother like that?  ARE YOU a mother like that?  You feel like your child should be the front ballerina, or the child that should sing the lead in the Christmas play, or should never be benched in a football game?  We are supposed to dream big for our children but at what cost?  

At the age of 16, I started changing my desires for medicine for many reasons—it took way too long, and my emotional state had altered, causing my grades to slip drastically.  As a nurse, my mother was able to introduce me to one of the most successful pediatricians in her practice.  This doctor was one you would see on Grey’s Anatomy or Night Shift.  She was a tall, slender black woman, strong but soft, with long hair in her back with a body that could raise any dead man.  She took time to talk to me at least once a year—she was my pediatrician.  She told me the challenges but the successes of the job, and it made me work hard, but my desires changed even though my mother’s had not.  The idea of having a doctor in the family was something that made my mom’s heart beat.  

What’s The Cost of Success

Salome and my mother had the best in mind, but neither one of them knew the cost of it all.  Look at what Jesus says to her,

Vs. 22- You do not know what you are asking, Are you able to drink the cup that I am to drink?

Vs. 22- Look what happens, THEY said to him,“We are able.” 

She started talking for them and then they decided as a group that they could handle the cost of being on Jesus left and right side.  

They were willing to get the glory, but they had no idea what it would take for that.  But look at Jesus’ answer

Vs. 23- “You will drink my cup, but to sit at my right hand and at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those from whom it has been prepared by my Father.”

This mother wanted her sons to have a place of prestige and honor.  She wanted them to be someone, like most mothers.  God started working on my heart; soon the desire to be a doctor was gone.  I had a new one.  When I decided that I wanted to be a pastor instead of a doctor, my mom was so frustrated.  I decided to go to Bible School 4 hours away instead of pursuing my dream of being a pediatrician or cardiologist.  She told me that being a pastor does not put food on the table and going after a career that was centered in theology was a waste.  Not only did she think I was making a mistake but so did other family members.  They encouraged me to continue with my liberal arts degree first and then go to school for theology when everything is done.  But I was not taught to put God first not second.  

Success In an Upside Down World

I don’t know if Salome was as upset as my mother was when her wishes were not granted but she would soon understand the mercy God had on her boys for not granting her request.  You see she thought they could drink the cup Jesus had but not even Jesus himself wanted to drink that cup, look at Luke 22:42. 

Let’s look at Matthew 27 vs. 37

“And over his head they put the charge against him, which read, “This is Jesus, the king of the Jews.” The two robbers were crucified with him, one on the right and one on the left.

You see when those around him saw him as King he was being mocked and tortured.  In Matt 20 vs. 23 Jesus made it sound like there were special people that were given this seat and it wasn’t his choice.  This was not a seat of prestige as the men, and their mommy saw it.  It was a place of shame and embarrassment.  If God had granted her request, her boys would be right alongside him.  You see we need to be very careful what we ask God for concerning our children.  We have no idea what it honestly would take for our children to achieve man’s definition of success.  If Salome had listened to Jesus’ teachings, she would have heard him say in Matthew 19:30

“But many who are first will be last and the last first.”  

We live in a world complete turned upside down in our view of what it means to have arrived.  What are you asking from your children that may cost more than what you can pay?  Are you too bent on them achieving wealth, prestige and security that you are blind to the unnecessary sacrifice being made?  No, I did not become a doctor as one sees a doctor, but for the past 21 years, I have been working with teens in youth ministry.  I have mentored hundreds, and in this mentoring process, I have dealt with the hurts of life, broken hearts from disappointment, abuse, and trauma.  My natural desire was my spiritual calling.  You must be willing to allow God to do as he chooses with your children.   He knows the plans he has for them.  

Weekly Challenge:

Is there a prayer God has not answered? For many years. I have said that there is not one woman in the Bible that God did not answer there prayers, till now.  Just because Jesus was in human form, doesn’t mean that Salome’s request wasn’t seen as a prayer.  What would our lives look like if God answered every prayer we made?  What would our children’s lives look like if our prayers were answered?  Are there prayers you are happy God didn’t fulfill? In the meantime, check out our playbuzz and our newest book below.

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We have worked really hard to talk about the war that Christians are in. We are meant to win every battle set before us but there are many times we get in our way.  What are some things we need to learn in order to never lose another spiritual battle again?  Buy our Book on Amazon to find out.