When The Booboos Aren’t Fixable

Parenting my children when they were babies, as difficult a season it was, was easy compared to the other chapters of parenting to come. As children there is something about the love, compassion and kisses of a parent that makes a booboo feel oh that much better. There was one really bad injury that my oldest son Joey received when he was about 4 years old. We were at an outreach for the community in the summer and there were tons of people. I sat him down in his Spongebob beach chair on a grassy area that seemed unusually uneven. He sat close to a gate while I went to go get something. A few minutes later I glanced over and saw that the chair was tilting and he was going to fall. It felt like I was running in slow motion to stop the chair from falling but I was unsuccessful. The chair fell all the way back causing him to smash the back of his head against the gate. The gate was designed in a way where there were sharp points at the end of it and like a dull knife, and it caused a huge gash in his head. Needless to say, my son cried brutally. Everyone around him came to his rescue, but their faces just made things worse because they were not the familiar voices or faces of those he was used to comforting him. Their frantic behavior just heightened the panic. I grabbed his face and hugged him but the noise around him as people saw the blood was scaring him even more. I silenced everyone around me and held him as he cried even though I was panicking myself. I promised him that he was going to be ok. After a lot of hugs kisses and a few stitches, he was back to his old self. If I could have kept my kids at that age I would because most of the hurts they faced were fixable with a little tender-loving care. Unfortunately, as they got older I realized that their hurt and pain was not so visible, not so detectable, and required discernment and patience.

Hurt Off The Radar

It was about 9 years later, emotional changes were happening in my son Joey. He was quieter and a little more irritable. He asked random questions that were inconvenient to the time and my patience was stretched between him, my three other kids, and my husband. One morning we were all getting ready and he started asking something about his appearance and the question just seemed annoying to me. It was a question he had been nagging me about for days and this just was not the morning. I snapped at him, he became silent but really angry. He left the house. As soon as everyone left a song came on my iPod by Anthony Evans called, “All That Matters”

The Lord spoke to me and said, “How you see him is the ONLY thing that matters to him. For now you are his example of me and he needs you to hear his hurt when he can’t speak. Don’t you see how self conscious he is about his image and he needs you to be sensitive to it. Reassure him that you will try to listen to him more.” I told God that I was so sorry and I wish I could apologize to him and at that very moment he walked in because he forgot something for school. Just before he walked out the door I swallowed my pride and I spoke to his hurting spirit. I said, “I’m sorry for snapping at you. You are going through changes and don’t understand what’s going on. You are concerned about your self-image and I haven’t understood.” His head dropped as tears came to his eyes. The tears started running down the bridge of his nose. “I am sorry for not understanding.” I grabbed his head and held him while His cry turned from tears to a very quiet sob. I had to realized that his hurt was not going to be as detectable as it was before.

Invisible hurt is not just in teenagers and young adults. You can see invisible hurt in young children and not know it. I had a lot of invisible hurt at the age of six years old and no one saw it at home, school or even church. So Marsha how do I help my child if their hurt is hidden and invisible? Well the first thing you need to know is it’s not just hidden from you but it is hidden from them as well. I did not have the ability to formulate the words to explain how empty, hopeless, broken and worthless I was feeling when I was younger and sometimes I still have a hard time explaining it. So don’t expect them to give you a road map to their pain. Luke 18:15-17

15 Now they were also bringing their babies to Him, so that He would touch and bless them, and when the disciples noticed it, they began reprimanding them. 16 But Jesus called them to Himself, saying [to the apostles], “Allow the children to come to Me, and do not forbid them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 17 I assure you and most solemnly say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God [with faith and humility] like a child will not enter it at all.” (AMP)

The parents in Luke did exactly what we need to do…bring our children to Him. Think about this scene. Jesus did not just spend his time here on earth praying for sick, taking strolls on the face of the water or multiplying panera bread and halibut. He prayed for countless children. This verse said that he touched and blessed them. Is there ever a time that a touch from Jesus was futile? Jesus knew exactly what was coming up for each and every child brought before him. He knew their destiny, their weakness, their failures and their successes. When he touched them he prayed for them as well and this prayer was perfect. Was there ever a blessing from Jesus that was not fulfilled? Has anything changed?

Step 1 – Humble Yourself

We as parents need to trust our children into the hands of God so that he can touch them. Don’t talk yourself out of this simple truth. Look at what God said, “Allow the children to come to me, and do not forbid them.” When you bring them to him Jesus will lead you and guide you through his written word and his spoken word how to help your child to find healing from their hurt. It may require you to humble yourself and apologize for walking away from them in their time of need like I did with Joey in the chair. Children want their parents by their side. It doesn’t matter how many people come to their rescue, it is the love and acceptance of their mother or father that makes the pain bearable. Their hurt may bring you some anxiety as well so put your trust in God while you hold your child during this rocky season. Maybe you said something insensitively to them during a time of hurt and didn’t realize it like I did when he was battling with self-image. You maybe the example of Jesus by the love you show them. You have to understand that for a small period of time your child thinks that all that matters is what you think of them. Your words mean more to them than anything and if you lose that, you will never be able to be that example to them.

It may not always be as easy as my example but know that there is nothing impossible. If you need more help ask away in the comments below (at your comfort, of course). You can also email us if your question is a little more personal. I want to also invite you to purchase “The Threshing: A Weapon Forged by Fire.” This tool may help give even more clarity to your child’s hurt.