Unexpected Friendship

How do you stay committed to someone who doesn’t want you?   Can a relationship last one’s need to be left alone when in a painful storm of life?  I have a friend who is closer to me than anyone has ever been, after my husband.   Almost 11 years ago, Sam took on a job at our current church as the youth pastor.  In that time, we met a young lady by the name of Elizabeth (Liz for short).  From the very beginning we had a connection, but she was a youth and I was 11 years older than her.

Our relationship quickly got tested when I was willing to challenge her sassy attitude, quick anger and growing temper.  Liz had a lot of her own issues to work through and my “in your face” methods left her uncomfortable and exposed.  She didn’t like my approach, but quickly found my ways to be the very thing she needed in order to help her deal with her feelings of rejection and loneliness.

After a few years of her going through some “God” moments, Liz was changed forever.  She had some residue of her old self, but who doesn’t.  Strangely, the unexpected happened.  My relationship with Liz changed in a way that I did not see coming.  I was facing a time of loneliness also because I was away from my friends back home and I had not opened myself to friendships from those in my current church.  I had shut myself out from everyone, but still I let Liz in to minister to her.

One day, out of nowhere, Liz and I started talking about the subject of friendship and she openly said that she wanted to be my friend and I did the very thing I was trying to help her get over, I rejected her.  I pretty much laughed at her.  Still, through her hurt, Liz made it her inner mission to be my friend and now it was my time to reject her.  I made subtle remarks to make sure she didn’t get too close, but Liz would ignore those remarks and push through a little more.  No matter how much I kept her at arm’s length, she just opened up my arms and embraced me.  She put her own hurt aside and looked past my own resistance and was committed to being there for me as I was for her—not for what she could get out of it, but for who she could be for me.

First Widows Club

In the book of Ruth, there is a friendship that trumps mine by a mile and half.   You can find the complete story in the book of Ruth, chapters 1-4.  A woman, by the name of Naomi, leaves her home in Bethlehem because there is a famine that hits the land and so her family goes to another.  Along with Naomi are her husband and 2 sons.  They settle and not too much later, Naomi’s husband passes away.

Naomi and her two boys bounce back and the sons get married to two Moabite women, Orpah and Ruth, so the 5 of them lived as a family.  To everyone’s surprise both son’s become sick and pass away as well.  It is possible that the sons died quickly after marriage because there wasn’t any time for either wife to get pregnant.

Naomi and her husband originally left their home of famine for a better life just to be met with death and despair.  This home soon became a house of three broken widows.  How long could they stay there?  In those days, women were not able to work.  If her husband died, her sons took care of her.  In a clean swoop, all three women lost everything.  It’s possible they didn’t stay too long before Naomi decided that the best thing to do was to go back to her home in Bethlehem.  She would rather face famine than live in the place of death.

So they start on this journey to Naomi’s hometown.  What was she thinking as she was traveling back home?  She left with her husband and two children with hopes for a better life and was now returning with two women from another land, no husband and not one son.  Naomi’s heart was shattered and she knew there was nothing better waiting for her in Bethlehem.  It would be selfish to drag these poor young girls with her.  She was in a hopeless situation, but her daughter-in-laws didn’t have to live that life.   Ruth 1:11 says,

     “Return home, my daughters. Why would you come with me? Am I going to have any more sons, who could become your husbands? ¹² Return home, my daughters; I am too old to have another husband. Even if I thought there was still hope for me—even if I had a husband tonight and then gave birth to sons— ¹³ would you wait until they grew up? Would you remain unmarried for them? No, my daughters, it is more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord’s hand has turned against me!”

Hopeless Commitment

She knew she had nothing to offer them, and to keep them on this hopeless journey was selfish.  Naomi was in a place of confusion, bitterness and shame.  She wanted to spare them that road.  The Bible said that they wept and cried just before one of her daughter-in-laws realized that Naomi was right.  They exchanged hugs and Orpah started her own journey back home.  Only Ruth was left.  I truly don’t know if Orpah’s departure gave Naomi a release or confirmation that they were just with her in hopes that there would be a light at the end of the tunnel, but then she turns to Ruth and says,

¹⁵ “Look,” said Naomi, “your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her.”

Naomi was giving her the room she needed to leave without guilt.  Do you have someone in your life who keeps trying to get rid of you because they think they are no good for you?  Naomi felt there was no hope. Is there someone who is trying to convince you that his path is hopeless so move on?  How do you handle that?

Are you like Orpah and the cost of friendship or relationship with this person just seems like poverty, lack, death and emptiness ahead; this road is too hard?  Do you see a better road for yourself so you leave to pursue something more rewarding? Or are you like Ruth who says,

“Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. ¹⁷ Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”

These very words are what I used in my vows to Sam and I know others have done the same.  They are strong, binding words and it takes a committed heart to fulfill these vows.    Ruth is promising that she will make Naomi’s journey her journey, she will make Naomi’s family her family, she will even leave her god to serve Naomi’s God.  Then Ruth goes on to say she will die where Naomi does and Ruth wants her body to be placed with hers.  Basically, nothing but death is going to separate her from her mother-in-law.

Are you that committed to those who make it easier for you to go then for you to stay?  Can you leave behind the comfort of your own journey to walk someone’s unforeseen path?  This story did not end with two poverty stricken women ending their days in some alley somewhere clinging to life.  On the contrary, Ruth’s determination to stay with Naomi was what gave Naomi hope where there seemed to be none.

The Reward of Commitment

Commitment keeps hope in a hopeless situation.  Ruth did not sit back and let death and famine over take them.  She waited for the opportunity to take them off this road of despair. (Ruth Chapter 2)

Commitment changes the ending of the story.  Because of her dedication, God sent a very rich man named Boaz who took notice of her.  The story ends with Ruth marrying Boaz who was in Naomi’s husband’s family.  This perfect union resulted in Naomi receiving an inheritance that she lost due to the death of her husband.  (Ruth Chapter 4)

People remember you a little longer when you are committed.  Ruth’s son played a big part in the Bible. Her son, Obed, was the grandfather of King David.   No one would really blame Orpah for leaving, but what would have happened if she had stayed?  No one heard anything from her after that, but it was Ruth who got a book in the Bible.  It was Ruth who becomes the great, great, great, great…grandmother of Jesus Christ.

Weekly Challenge:

Being committed can look like a lot of things.  I wanted to challenge you to look at this scripture where it encourages the reader to commit their ways to God (Psalms 37:5,6).  We need to be committed to God’s ways, leaving behind our lives and not allowing anything or anyone to turn us away from God.  Can anything convince you to leave God even if the ways of God seem hopeless?  Will you be like Orpah and see the challenges and walk away or will you be like Ruth and be committed no matter what obstacles are standing in your way?

If you need a book that would help you see life in a different perspective, check out the book, “In the Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day” by Mark Batterson.  You can find the link on our  homepage.

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