Hey everyone.  It has been an honor and blessing to share with you this past month some of my experiences and views about fathers.  I hope you enjoyed reading them and likewise that they were helpful to you.  Writing these blogs is not as easy as it may appear.  We spend a lot of time making sure that we do our best to stay on topic and keep each blog relevant to those who are our audience.  With that said, I want to have this last “Fathers” blog on the topic of being an Active Father.  Now there is no way one blog can cover it all, but I believe that we can highlight a few areas to at least get us on the right foot.  Now LADIES before you tune out, just hold on for a bit.  The things I want to go over can be useful for you as well and may help in providing some insight.

The Active Father is…

First, let’s make clear by what I mean by “Active Father.”  The Active Father is one who makes himself present to his children.  He sets a positive example for his children to follow and allows for his mistakes to be known.  He teaches and guides, is stern, but loving and makes time to hear his children’s concerns and thoughts.

The late Dr. Edwin Louis Cole was a man called by God to minister to men.  I did not have the honor of meeting him myself, however I have been blessed to know and meet a few of those he has mentored.  They all hold Dr. Cole in high regard and attribute their ministries and lifestyles to his example and teachings.  One of Dr. Cole’s students has even developed a very strong Men’s Ministry that is geared towards helping local churches strengthen their own Men’s Ministries.  The Men’s Discipleship Network (MDN) has begun to help change the way many men’s ministries in New York conduct and operate their meetings.  Spreading now to different parts of the U.S., MDN has made it their mission to help the Church of God develop within their men Biblical Manhood.

In his book, Maximized Manhood, Dr. Cole shares several points of what a Christ centered man is to look like, and what men must do in order to achieve these things.  In his 12^th chapter, Dr. Cole focuses on fathering and makes a statement that I’d like to expound on.  He says, “fathering is a comprehensive task…” and that it requires “…thinking, studying, monitoring, recommending, influencing, and loving.” In other words, to be a father the man must fully understand and grasp that he has a “task” in this role that requires him do work that will challenge his way of thinking, his point of views, his judgment, behavior and heart.  I totally agree with him. These are all things that I am challenged with every time I have a discussion or any time I need to address something with one of my own children.

They Are Watching You

Being a father is not just providing for my family physically, it requires an emotional and mental involvement as well.  These are the things that don’t normally come easy for a guy, but man, it is so important.  I’ve learned that it is not enough to just do for my kids, but that it is even more important that they know why I do what I do.  For example, why do believe in God, or why I treat mom the way that I do; why do I like Star Wars, or why I enjoy Fruity Pebbles?  From the simple and easy, to the more complex and personal, my children better understand who I am.  I allow myself to be transparent to them.  Likewise, it is important that they see me do and act upon the things I say; that I keep my promises, to the best of my ability, and that I practice what I preach to them and the congregation.  Not an easy job to do.  In fact, from my point of view, it is a job that is even harder to do without having a personal relationship with God.

In order to be an Active Father, the ways in which I take care of myself and conduct my affairs, is important not just for my sake, but for that of my family and those I influence as well.  I used to tell my older teen boys in youth group that like it or not, the younger ones are looking at them and what they do.  I would say, “You can say that this is not your problem because you didn’t tell them to copy what you do, however they are looking and following what you guys do whether you want them to or not.  You guys have a decision to make here because the choices you make will not only affect you, but it will also affect them.”   Many dads do a real good job of telling their kids what to do and what not to do.  Not so many do as well in showing them how by their example.  One of the stats I’ve seen over and over again through my many years of doing youth ministry was that, one of the main reasons why 4 out of 5 kids drop out of church is that they see a disconnect in their father’s faith if they see any faith in them at all.

¹ My people, hear my teaching;
listen to the words of my mouth.
² I will open my mouth with a parable;
I will utter hidden things, things from of old—
³ things we have heard and known,
things our ancestors have told us.
⁴ We will not hide them from their descendants;
we will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord,
his power, and the wonders he has done.
⁵ He decreed statutes for Jacob
and established the law in Israel,
which he commanded our ancestors
to teach their children,
⁶ so the next generation would know them,
even the children yet to be born,
and they in turn would tell their children.
⁷ Then they would put their trust in God
and would not forget his deeds
but would keep his commands.
⁸ They would not be like their ancestors—
a stubborn and rebellious generation,
whose hearts were not loyal to God,
whose spirits were not faithful to him.

Psalm 78:1-8

The Psalmist is saying that if we don’t place the teachings of God as a priority in the raising of our children they will not know how to turn to Him when they face trouble in this world.  This is why we need to be very careful not to make other things in this world seem more important than church attendance and involvement due to the fact that they will grow to not see the relevance of church at all.

The Curse of Today

I truly believe Dr. Cole’s words when he says, “The absentee father is the curse of our day.”  The Absentee Father is the opposite of the Active Father.  An Absentee Father can be living right in the home, but he is absent in playing his part in a child’s growth.  God designed that the roles of the father and mother be each critical to the upbringing of children.  With supposedly 60% of our homes having absentee fathers, the role of both father and mother has fallen, unfairly, on many women to uphold.  The death of my father made it hard for my mom to raise her three boys.  Thank God for the men who stepped in and did what they could to help us grow up to be men.

Men, do not allow yourselves to be absentees.  As men, we are called to play a role in the lives of the young that cannot be done by the women alone.  We have a responsibility to be involved and become active in the lives of the generations below us.  God has called men to be protectors and providers in more than just a physical sense.   If you haven’t already, allow God to help you know what it means to be His child.

Weekly Challenge:

In these 4 weeks I have talked about my father who was a godly man who left an impact on the lives of many who are still living to this day.  I was honest about my fear of not being good enough for my kids when it was my turn to father without having any real guidance.  I shared my insight on the revelation that fatherhood was really servanthood, but the truth remains that without God I could not do anything.  I could read as many books, go to as many fathering seminars, listen to self help teachings and still screw up my kids.  If I had not surrendered my life to Jesus Christ I would be a man with a lot of knowledge and no results.

I don’t want to end my time with you without asking you have you given your life over to Jesus Christ?  Did I convince you of that this month, Dads?  If I have, and you want more help in this new step, I would love to connect with you and pray with you personally.  All you have to do is send me an email and I’ll connect with you, talk with you and pray with you or you can get connected with a local church and take the steps there as well.

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