Is Forgiveness Only For Those Who Have Wronged Us?

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Isn’t it a command of what we must do for those who have betrayed, harmed and sinned against us?  I’ve discovered that those are not the only causes that may require us to forgive. 

In the beginning youth ministry I started helping my teen girls with different problems, but when it came to issues like severe trauma, I knew I was too young in ministry to take on specific sensitive tasks.  I was heartbroken when a woman came to me desperate because her daughter had been brutally raped months before.  Her daughter was really struggling emotionally and didn’t know what to do.  I felt for this mother as she told me her daughter’s story and her need for a breakthrough.  I was besides myself when this mom asked me to counsel her daughter.  I took a moment and nicely told her that I was not equipped to do counseling of that nature.  I was not educated then as I am now; and to do that, would be dangerous.  I gave her other options to go to the pastor of counseling, but she did not want the pastor, she wanted me.  She was adamant about getting me to help her daughter, but I knew my limits.  This girl’s mother went away disappointed; while I was left wondering if I did the right thing.  Ultimately, I settled in myself that I was making the right decision, let alone, the magnitude of what she wanted for me to do would be illegal.

Forgive ME??

Can the true moral conviction for one person be a moment of betrayal for another?  A few months after this conversation, I was sitting in church listening to the famous message of forgiveness.  The preacher shared the basics about forgiveness, but at the end of the sermon, he had us pray and take a step of faith and forgive those that have harmed us.  He wanted us to go to those who had hurt us and openly confess that we were letting go of the offense.  To my surprise the mother of this girl came up to me with tears in her eyes, letting me know that she forgave ME!  I listened patiently and astonished as she said how she devastated that I would not counsel her daughter and that she built up an offense against me.  She said that she needed me—not the pastor of counseling or anyone else—and my recommendation was offensive and made her think I didn’t care about her or her daughter.  I wanted to interject and defend myself because the fact was…well, I did nothing wrong.  Instead, I thanked her, embraced her and we never spoke again. 

Again, is it possible that you have to forgive people who have not done wrong? Last week, we started the topic of forgiveness. My husband and I had a little debate on if we ever needed to forgive God.  Is there a need to forgive God even though God does not sin, betray or do anything to harm us?  Well, we first have to look at what forgiveness is—not necessarily definition wise—but what is forgiveness mentally or emotionally.  Many have likened forgiveness to someone being set free from prison.  Unforgiveness is a prison that holds someone captive till they are set free.  We fool ourselves into believing that this act of un-forgiveness is keeping the one who hurt us chained up or imprisoned but that’s not the case.  The one who experiences imprisonment is the one who refuses to let go of the offense.  They carry the burdens and memories of the hurt done to them and allow it to fester within their soul.

Why Forgive God?

 In 2005 I was pregnant for the third time.  My previous pregnancy with my oldest daughter Rachel was tough because all I did was throw up.  I was so tired and exhausted that the idea of doing it all over again left me bitter and resentful.  Sam and I made the decision that we didn’t want any more children after her.  To our surprise I was pregnant again whether I liked it or not, so I decided that I was going to have the right attitude during the pregnancy.  I prayed for the baby growing in my belly with building anticipation.  My belly started getting a little bigger, and it got real when I slept on my stomach and felt the resistance at night.  I was almost four months when I realized that I was not sick at all with this pregnancy; it was going better than ever.

It was going smoothly till that horrible day.  All of a sudden, I started feeling pain and bleeding soon followed.   I thought to myself God wouldn’t take this baby from me after I just started loving it.  No this can’t be happening.   It became increasingly apparent that I was losing this baby.  No matter how I prayed and asked for God for help, he did not.  

Sam drove as fast as he could to the hospital, and I got out while he parked the car.  I went into the ER, and after asking me a ton of questions, I felt the worse pain ever, the pain of my baby falling out of my body.  My body collapsed on the floor, and I was rushed into a room, but it was over; my third child was now lifeless on the hospital bathroom floor.  

After many hours of examining me, I was sent home feeling empty mentally, emotionally and even physically.  In silence, Sam and I put Rachel and Joey to bed.  I crawled into bed and laid down drained.  I was in shock as reality set in when I lay on my belly, and the apparent void was there with no resistance.   It was then that I cried bitterly.

Where was God?

I never asked for that child.  Isn’t he the giver and taker of life?  Why did he give me the baby when he knew he was going to take it away?  How could I blame Satan for this?  I prayed for God to provide me with answers but I got nothing.  It was the most silent time in my life to date.  I tried to keep going on with the fact that God is good, loving, caring and would never do anything to hurt me but that just made it worse. 

If God’s character consisted of everything good and perfect, why not warn me or stop it in the first place?  I needed to forgive God even though I knew that his plans were perfect.  I know he never makes mistakes and that he has everything under control.  So, did I need to forgive because God was imprisoned by MY bitterness, anger or disappointment or did I need to forgive God because of my lack of understanding bound me?  I needed to forgive him because in my limited world I can only see the pain that was in front of me.  In this time, I could just see my definition of injustice being done to me; I only judge God by my finite standard.  In my mind he did me wrong, he failed me.  God was not going to come down and show me the end from the beginning, as much as I wanted him too.  He was not going to explain the unexplainable.  What was I forced to do then?  I was forced to trust him.  

Sadly, I was not ready to do that; I cut communication from God shortly after and when I did speak to him my hurt spewed out.  I questioned his character and the puppet master-like quality I believed that he was displaying.  I was worshipping with my lips but not with my heart.  Slowly my love and passion for serving him began to change me.  My un-forgiveness towards him made me cold and numb.    

I remember the day I forgave God, not because he was wrong but because I needed to let him off the hook.  I needed to let go of what I did not understand and do it without getting the answers to my questions.  By my words, God did me wrong, but somehow my un-forgiveness was destroying me more than the loss of the baby.   

Like the mother who was upset, I didn’t have to understand God’s role in my miscarriage, but I needed to forgive Him; even though He didn’t do anything wrong.  Sometimes life’s blows make it seem as though God has sinned against us.  It looks like he has failed or ignored us but that is not true.  God does not sin—he fights for us, protects us and doesn’t sit idly by as our world is being violated.  We must forgive God—but not as a man who has sinned against us, but as the God who is making decisions on our behalf even when we don’t understand.

Is there anything in your life that you need to let God off the hook for?  Do you think he had disappointed you, failed to protect you, stayed silent when you needed answers?  Well, the only way you can receive the truth is if you forgive his action/inaction and trust that he is in control.  Then you return to intimacy with him; it is only then that you can receive the healing you need and the strength to carry on and move forward. 

Weekly Challenge:

Is there anything that you are holding against God?  Take sometime to re-evaluateyour relationship with God.  Is there anything that God did not do for you that you need to forgive God for? List them and ask God to help you get pass the disappointment.

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