Forgive them… WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

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What immediately comes through your mind when you hear the words, “Forgive them?”  If you are anything like me, one of the most offensive words in a season of confusion, pain, betrayal, abandonment or rejection is “Forgiveness.” 

For a time, it was all I was hearing in the messages my pastor preached, the plays I saw, the devotion I was reading and even the random scriptures I would come across. My pastor, who is also my friend, knew that this word grated on me like nails on a chalkboard. He found a bit of sadistic pleasure in watching me squirm as the word would come up in Bible Study, which was based on the book, “Unconditional Forgiveness.” What kind of human being would even think about putting those words together?  How is it possible to forgive someone one, anyone one, without a condition. Conditions like:

 “I’ll forgive you if you promise never to do that again.” 

 “I’ll forgive you as long as you admit to everyone what you did to me.” 

Or this one, I use this one all the time, “I’ll forgive you if you know what you’re asking forgiveness for.” 

Who forgives without conditions? I spent time challenging my pastor on this whole concept since even Jesus has a condition on forgiving,

Matt 6:15

Forgiveness of our sin usually happens when we ASK God for that forgiveness… which I think qualifies as a “condition.”

During this time God wanted to see if I learned anything, so he allowed some really interesting people to come into my life and test the small amount of patience I was living with. There were moments—dangerous moments—when I almost left my salvation at the altar just so I could knock some sense into a woman, literally. Then there was another woman who swore I made some outrageous comment to her. I know I was thinking it, but I know for sure I never said it. During this season, I passed some of my “forgiveness” tests and failed on others causing me to go through those testings again. 

Guess what, though?  I learned the true meaning of the word forgiveness.  Forgiveness was a lesson I understood, not because I got it so right, but because I got it so wrong.  It was because of my struggle with life and people that I learned what forgiveness was and—most of all—what it was not.

You May Not What to Hear This

Have you ever met a person that was so deep into trauma and grief that you, yourself, could taste it?  A few years ago I met a woman who went through more pain then I could ever imagine. I listen to her as she brought back to memory the events that brought her to her breaking point.  To my surprise the circumstances of her grief was only the beginning; I was shocked to hear that what she started off telling me was just the beginning. I could not help but pray for the person and myself, as I listened to this heart-wrenching testimony. When the person shared all they could share, they went on to say that one of the worst things anyone could tell them at that moment, (me included )was that they needed to forgive those that left them battered, abused and bruised. To that person’s disappointment, I was going to tell them the very same thing.  Forgiveness is like a scalpel in surgery, it will cut, but it’s to get out the infection.

Now before anyone tunes me out–because you think you know what I am going to say or why I am going to say it–read a little more; both of us may be surprised at what comes out. At some point in my life, God told me that true healing, strength, and breakthrough started as the act of pure forgiveness. You see, when I first received Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior, I was so deep in sin at such a young age that I was living in pure darkness and Jesus was my only light. 

Before starting that road with him as my flashlight, I needed to ask God for forgiveness. Why do you ask?  Well like a plant, it was the seed that Jesus planted in me to start my new life. The foundation of who I would become started from the seed of forgiveness. Now picture it with me: if I plant an apple seed, what am I expecting to get from the full grown tree? That’s right, apples. If I plant an orange seed, I’ll expect to get oranges. So if God plants a forgiveness seed then what is suppose to come forth when the plant is grown; fruits of forgiveness. An unforgiving Christian is like a person who lives their life walking on their hands. They think their hands are their feet and walk through life on them. Everything is upside down and nothing makes sense to them. If they weren’t confused as a sinner, they are definitely confused as a Christian living with un-forgiveness as a plant growing in their heart.

Are You Walking On Your Hands?

If we were to compare serving God while holding onto your grudge to walking on your hands, right away there is a difference between you and other Christians. First, you see things upside down. You wonder why certain things come more natural for others. You feel like you can’t keep up with other people because while they are running, you are moving at a snail’s pace. You get bitter and angry at other people because they seem to have happier lives than you. They look stronger and can endure more, whereas you feel like the littlest thing, the smallest hill, or tiniest obstacle causes you to stumble and fall. You start to have envy and strife because you try to obey God, but what he is asking of you is way too hard. I don’t know about you but I know for sure I tried living with unforgiveness. I felt like forgiving people was letting them off the hook, erasing their wrong or giving them a free pass to repeat their offense against me. Forgiveness is not even having to continue a relationship with the person.   Forgiveness is not all that we have been told. It’s not as hard as we think and, surprisingly enough, the ones who we need to forgive the most is not even in our thoughts.

Weekly Challenge:

If you feel like life is upside down or that you feel like you are moving with God at a snail’s pace maybe there is unforgiveness in your life. If you find yourself angry, bitter or envious of others because things seem to come easier for others than you, then again, you may need to get an inventory of any offenses you may be harboring. In these upcoming weeks, I am going to talk about three groups of people we need to forgive and some of the ways we can start the process. Let’s have a nice discussion. Look at this verse, 

Matt:18:21

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Are there those in your life that have hurt you over and over again, a parent, a sibling, your spouse even?  Or maybe there is a hurt that keeps happening over and over again, rejection, betrayal or being abandoned.  These events may not have occurred by the same person, but there is a list of them.  May a list of those of those that you need to forgive and why.

Please join us these next few weeks where I will be asking questions to challenge all of us on our level of forgiveness, even myself.  If you are in need of help, please feel free to contact us through email at thruthewinters@gmail.com or comment below.  Follow us on Facebook and Instagram @throughthewinters.