I Lost My Purpose

How do I find hope when I have lost substance, relationship and/or health? How do I move forward when I am now battling with so many insecurities and fears and have made hopelessness a dear friend? Can the loss of hope leave someone just as paralyzed as the death of a loved one?

My husband and I will not forget a few years ago when we got a call that one of our friends was being rushed to the hospital because he tried to take his life. Nothing in us could fathom why he felt his life was so bad that killing himself was the only way out. He and his wife lived a very comfortable life with their white picket fence, manicured lawn, huge house, and beautiful kids. Sadly, the economy hit harder than it had in a while and he was let go from his job; he hit depression hard. He was already battling it before, but his job made him feel useful, needed and accomplished—so to speak. Once the job was gone it just sealed his depression. He was not able to keep any of the new jobs he had received, and his family started struggling financially. He convinced himself that he was hopeless and helpless. What he found identity in, was stripped away; and the strain of not having what he needed was now screaming every day. It wasn’t much longer that he had left a notice for his wife and kids that he didn’t think he could keep going. Our friend went to a remote place and slit his wrist.

The cut was very deep but not deep enough to take his life immediately. After he cut himself, he regretted it. He realized that he had made a big mistake, so he called 911 where the ambulance found his location and saved his life.

Are you like my friend? Have you, or are you currently thinking that this life has nothing for you now that you have lost something that gave you significance and purpose? The loss of hope brings on grief, but differently than we have been talking about in week one and week two. When your identity, worth, and value is found in substance—or anything that can be taken away—you find yourself feeling lost and without an anchor in the biggest storm of your life.

Maybe you are not like my friend and you haven’t lost your job or substance but maybe a relationship/friendship has ended terribly. Have you lost a relationship with someone like a best friend, fiancée, boyfriend or spouse? Some people don’t understand why this could cause such a breakdown but when you pour yourself into someone for so many years and interweave them into your present-day—even future—the loss of them can be far greater than anyone expected.  Relationships help keep us going.

God never wanted us to live life alone which is why he gave Adam, Eve; this doesn’t mean that friendships outside of marriage aren’t as important because there isn’t any romance. We need them to keep going.  What are some things you may fear when you feel that there is a void in your life? I know that there are times loneliness can be so consuming that it’s hard to even think. The fear that the void is never going to be filled can send you into an unhealthy state.

Another fear, if it was a romantic relationship, could be that you will never love again and never be truly happy again. These are all things that do consume someone’s mind and heart; as they wonder how they did not see this hurt coming. I want you to know that your feelings are valid, and God knows exactly what you are going through.

God Will Bend You But Not Break You

Lastly, maybe you are not feeling hopeless because of anything like this but find yourself in a place of desperation because there is a loss of health. He was hunched over at almost a complete 45-degree angle from severe scoliosis (a curvature of the spine),and my dear friend Robert was left crippled and unable to stand up straight. Before Parkinson’s and scoliosis turned Robert’s life upside down, he was the Dean of our church’s private school, a teacher, a council member, he led the men’s ministry and taught the adult Sunday school class faithfully. Along with his faithfulness to church he was also one of the funniest men I had ever met in a long time.

A few years after we started to attend our church, Bob was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. Parkinson’s is a progressive disease of the nervous system marked by tremors, muscular rigidity, and slow, imprecise movement, chiefly affecting middle-aged and elderly people. When Bob found out that he had this disease, he went through a lot in his heart and mind. I personally watched his spirit diminish as the challenges of this disease started to take an effect. It became obvious that the disease was not going to make life easy for him. He fought, daily, the thought that he was going to be useless. It was hard for him to not see how this disease was not going to strip him of his purpose. I want to tell you that Bob believed in the power of God’s healing and that he recovered and he is with us today serving in all his ministries. Sadly, that is not the case. Robert entered heaven completely healed walking straight and the only shaking he had was when he was overwhelmed by seeing God face to face.

There Is Only One Answer

What does everyone have in common that we can use to get through this time of life? We all have the bad habit of putting our security in things that will never give us hope. As hard as it maybe to accept this truth, hope should never be placed on anything that can be taken away from us. Hope in a person, job, health or lifestyle are all things that can never be depended on. So how do we get out of this pit of grief and loss? There is only one answer. It is the same answer to suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, anger, stress and un-forgiveness… Jesus Christ.

This may be where I lose you because you may not be able to make sense of who God is. You may question if he’s real or if he even loves you. Let’s ask the pressing question, “If God is real why didn’t he intervene? Why did he allow this to happen to me?” That is such a good question and I will not insult the greatness of God by giving a mediocre answer.

My husband showed me a book called, “The Shack” by Paul Young—which was later turned into a movie. In this book a man named Mack, was grieving over the loss of his daughter who was kidnapped and murdered in cold blood. He slipped into such depression that he couldn’t move on. God himself sent him an invitation to spend some time with him—Mack accepted the invitation. God did not show up in a way that he was expecting. In this time, Mack expressed his anger, frustration, bitterness and un-forgiveness towards his daughter’s murderer and God himself. Here is one of the quotes from the book

“Broken humans center their lives around things that seem good to them but will neither fill them nor free them. They are addicted to power, or the illusion of security that that power offers. When a disaster happens, those same people will turn against the false power they trusted. In their disappointment, either they become softened toward me (God) or they become bolder in their independence. If you could only see how all of this ends and what we will achieve without the violation of one human will—then you would understand.” Pg127

What happens when we come into this world broken and confused as to where real security is found? We place our weight on things that the world tells us will give us power, influence and makes us significant so that when those things are taken from us, we feel robbed, naked and exposed. Sadly, due to our own pain and disappointment, we are angry at the thing or person we once relied on—and even God for allowing the pain—we don’t realize our mistakes. God gave us people, finances and even health, but he did not give them for it to be what we rely on or depend on as if it is our only source of hope. God never desires you to put your hopes in anything that can change.

When we look at the first story of my friend who lost his job, his suicide attempt was not the end of the story. He did have a break down, but he invited God into his situation and then gave his heart to Jesus and started surrounding himself with people that would support a healthy life style. My husband and I watched God transform him. While my other friend, Bob, went to be with the Lord in April of 2017, he faithfully led the adult Sunday School for as long as he physically could months before he passed. In that time his health deteriorated drastically but he became a symbol of what it means to not allow hopelessness and helplessness to rob you of what you can do. He came to church faithfully every Sunday and when it was too much for him to sit, he did Sunday School and then went home to rest. After he passed away, we dedicated an area of the sanctuary, where he used to sit, and make it into a café named after him.

Jesus is Just the First Step

Jesus is the answer, yes but he is the first step. The next step is finding a good therapist or counselor that can help you finish out your mourning process and start you on the road to mental wellness again. This may include group sessions of some sort. At the end of this article, I will be giving you a link to Bedrock Ministries where you can skype your therapy sessions with a trained counselor. If you are not financially capable of getting a counselor or therapist, if you don’t have one yet, I would encourage you to join a local church where they can help you until you can afford therapy. You need to talk to someone about this. There is no way you can do this alone. There is no room for pride during this time. We have to do this right in order to bring you back to where you need to be—and not allow pride to keep you from getting the help needed. Allow yourself to be comforted by God. Forgive him for any wrong you think he did to you in this time. Be prepared to let it go.

If you are unable to go to therapy it is really important for you to find someone who you can talk to, a pastor, mentor, or someone that you can trust. This person can help push you when you are low and can help keep you accountable. I know I said it already but allow yourself to be comforted by God. If you are battling with un-forgiveness with God, read this article I wrote about how and why we need to forgive God.

If you do not have a therapist or a counselor that you can go to, here is a link to Bedrock Ministries Bedrock Ministries.  Bedrock is a counseling ministry that will help walk you through this painful season.  They are a counseling ministry that can at least can advise and begin to point you in the right direction.  We would also love to be there for you.  Please feel free to contact us through our email @thruthewinters@gmail.com or comment below.