It is week three and One Hot Mess(OHM) has given us a lot to think about. It is our desire to get you to see how worshiping things like perfection and pleasing people can keep us from living ourselves.  There is no way we can love ourselves in 2019 without these things being put to the side.  This week OHM will be talking about the disappointments she faced worshiping proving herself.  

In the first week, of this series we talked about perfectionism — especially the fear of failure. This week, I want to talk about success.

Prove Them Wrong

Because of a combination of my upbringing and some of the things I’ve endured, I have always felt a need to be successful. I feel a need to show people not to underestimate me or count me out because of the things I did and who I used to be. For example, there are so many people who know the kind of girl I was in high school and they never imagined I would be in ministry. In fact, a former friend of mine made it clear she didn’t think that I should be a pastor because of all of the things I did. She’s right — because grace makes no sense, and it just proves that Jesus really changes lives — but my feelings were still hurt.

I do feel a responsibility to be an ambassador of Christ. I know that my life now is so vastly different from who I was then that it’s clear that Jesus changed me. However, I still have this side of me that sometimes wants to prove people wrong. I want to prove my worth to the jealous people who don’t think I deserve this new life in Christ. To the people who don’t think I’m capable of the dreams, God has put on my heart. To the people who judge my character.

Sometimes I even want to prove to myself that I’m worthy. I have peers who are completing their masters degrees and buying houses, but I don’t even have my bachelor’s and it’s only by God’s grace that we’re able to raise a family with all of our student loan debt. Sometimes I make my worth based on how “successful” I am.

The Idol of “Proving Yourself”
Sometimes our motives, even as Christians, can be founded on things other than Jesus. Honestly, nothing but Jesus should be our motivation in life, but it is so easy to base our success on milestones we set for ourselves, how well we’re doing in our careers, how good our kids are, how educated we are, or how proud our parents are of us. Thankfully, my parents are just proud that I’m in God’s will for my life, but when I put my worth in my success, it sometimes doesn’t feel like being in God’s will really matters. Yikes! That how you know that “proving yourself” or “success” is an idol.

Why does it matter? Well, the “success” we gain apart from God doesn’t fulfill us the way we think it would because it often costs us what God has already given us. In my pursuit of success before and after Jesus, I wasn’t connecting with God and hearing from Him the way I needed to, my effectiveness in ministry was weakened, and my marriage and family suffered — all because I was chasing my own glory. I didn’t even know it because the way I was chasing seemed good to me!

Defined By Our Successes

Success looks different for all of us, but the real kind of success is founded in what God wants. His best is better than what we think is best. His best is the best; ours just isn’t. Seeking things apart from God is selfish ambition, and that tends to cost us our relationships with God and our families, and our impact for His Kingdom.

Is it worth it? When we’re in Heaven, will the success we chase outside of Christ really be worth it? No. We don’t take any of what we gained for our own glory to Heaven with us. Our glory ceases to exist in Heaven, but God’s glory goes on forever and ever.

What Is God’s Definition of Success?
To tear down the idol of “proving yourself,” we have to find our success in God.

The hard part of tearing down the “prove yourself” idol is discerning what God’s definition of success is for us. Especially those of us who are Christians, we can see a good thing, like having a successful ministry, as something God wants when all He really wants is for us to read our Bibles every day during this season and call that a win. Just because it’s “good,” doesn’t mean it’s God.

So how do we know God’s definition of success for our lives? The Bible says,

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

Unlearn and Renew

I think the reason we can be so caught up with trying to prove ourselves is we adopt the world’s definition of success. We may be so focused on the culture around us, that we miss what God wants for each of us. I’m not just talking about the “world” of non-Christians, I mean “Christian culture” too. Sometimes we lazily go along with what everyone else in the church is doing without having the consistent relationship with God that we need for our own direction. Yes, fellowship is good and essential for spiritual growth, but if fellowship takes the place of seeking God for ourselves, we won’t really know what success is.

However, when we continually renew our minds we are transformed and conformed to be more like Jesus. The key is, the Bible says “renewing,” not a one time “renew.” You have to allow God to do His work daily.

Long-term Success
So commit to having your mind renewed every day (i.e. spend time reading God’s word and in prayer). Then you will be able to understand what God wants. The beauty of Romans 12:2 is the promise that God’s will is good, pleasing and perfect. It may require giving up standards and desires that seem right and feel good now but are not God’s best. Still, His will is good, pleasing and perfect. It is beyond what you can ask or think. His will benefits you and God.

What if instead of hustling and bustling to become what the world wants, or what we think we should become, we ask God what His definition of success is for us? What if we stopped trying to fit into the habits of this world and allowed God to renew our minds and transform us so that we could live out His will for us? Maybe we would have peace about the things we do. Maybe we would know God’s voice. Maybe we would stop putting our worth in things that won’t last. We would lose the stress of trying to prove to people that we’re something and just be who God says we are and walk in the calling He has for our lives. We would be less distracted by comparing ourselves to others and actually make a lasting difference for God’s glory. And I think we wouldn’t just love ourselves, we might actually like ourselves too.

Love Yourself Challenge

Day 13 — Ask yourself, “What patterns can I start to renew my mind every day?

Day 14 — Pray and ask God to show you His definition of success for you for each day, for this season, for your life, etc.

Day 15 — Meditate on this Scripture:

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden in Christ with God. When Christ, who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory” (Colossians 3:1-4).

Day 16 — Take a look at how you plan your week. Does your schedule reflect God’s definition of success for you?

Day 17 — Talk to God about the areas of your life where you may want your glory instead of His.

Day 18 — Journal question: Where does my desire to prove myself come from?

Day 20 — Meditate on this Scripture:

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

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