Hi everyone! This series is particularly special to us.  I’d like to introduce to you my amazing husband, David Tash. We have the honor of bringing you the first ever Through the Winters Ministry Marriage Series!  David and I have seen so many marriages end before they can actually begin because one or both of the individuals in the relationship is experiencing some form of trauma or hurt that was never dealt with. Marriages like these can experience extreme havoc, especially in the intimacy and communication aspect.  We believe that healthy communication can help in producing greater intimacy and trust with your spouse. It will also help to provide a more united front as your understanding of the other’s weakness and sensitive areas, are exposed. This will allow for the true healing that God intends for us, this is an important step that will help your hurting spouse find a way to move forward.

(David)

Hey everybody and God bless you! You’d think we would have kids by now, with a marriage of 5 years. Simply put, we are enjoying marriage for all its beauty as God intended it to be. For those of you who may have rolled your eyes at the “5 seconds” that we have been married and think, “What does he know?” In this day and age many new couples don’t make it past the first year, let alone 5.

Marriage is a Piece of Cake, Right?

I know we are accustomed to using the phrase “piece of cake” as a means of sarcasm, but today I’d like to use it as a metaphor. I would say that mine and Alejandra’s, marriage is a “piece of cake,”to be more precise, a chocolate mousse cake topped off with a big strawberry.  Well, that delicious cake took some serious prepping and baking. In fact, it took more time to do all those things than eating the slice itself! For me to enjoy this slice of cake, I needed to work on making it become the final product that I would enjoy. I needed to physically get the ingredients, prepare the tools, mix and bake the cake. For my marriage to work and come out right, I needed to put in the proper time and effort in order for it to become what it is today. And like all cake makers, I made some mistakes the first time around. The finished product may have been okay, but there was room for more improvement. Maybe I put too much of this and not enough of that. I was determined to make every effort count so that I could make my marriage into the best product it could be, but what you do in the midst of your failure is what will determines your conclusion.

I fell in love with Alejandra when I witnessed how involved and committed she was to love God. It made her stand out quickly. She had the heart to serve and worship God in every area of her life. We had almost identical pathways, and it only solidified what we already had as individuals and what we were now creating together. I once asked her “Why do you love God so hard?” She replied, “He keeps me sane.” At that time I took this as a joke, until the day she told me her story.

When Is It The Right Time to Show “The Books?”

In any business merger, no merger is complete without either party showing their financial books to each other. The books, refers to the total overview of the company. It covers the past, present, and future projections. It also provides the historical gains and losses. The books show every good and bad thing that has ever happened to the company since its inception. Most companies keep these records firmly sealed and monitored by just a handful of supervisors. When a corporation decides to show the books, it can disrupt or solidify a merger.

(Alejandra)

No one wants to go into anything blindly, especially marriage. The more I learned about David, the quicker I knew that he wasn’t like any of my past relationships. It felt convicting to let him in on things that I normally had a hard time sharing with anyone else. I risked it though, because for me, it was crucial to come forward with what I had been through. If this relationship was going to move forward he had to know about my past. I had been sexually molested as a child by more than one person. I had been in various abusive relationships, and my heart was beyond broken. Remembering all these situations brought tears that rushed down my face like Niagara Falls. While telling him, part of me felt fear that he would leave me because he wouldn’t want to deal with all my mess. Another part of me felt shame because I felt I was to blame for the things I went through. These were the lies the enemy told me day after day.

God wants to restore you in His love. Shame is never part of God’s plan for our lives and it shouldn’t be part of yours either. I now understand that God allowed me to go through all these things in order to help others through my testimony and God will do the same with yours.

David’s reaction helped me do this more effortlessly. His compassion allowed me to trust him even more. In reality, it united us instead of drawing us apart. When is the right time to have this conversation with your significant other? I honestly believe the sooner, the better, especially if you feel that your relationship is heading towards matrimony. Was I scared? Of course! He could have said to himself, “Wow this girl has too much baggage” and left me. I would not have blamed him. Getting to this point, for me, took a lot of prayers and seeking God’s guidance through reading the Scriptures. One verse, particularly, helped to lead me towards this decision. Paul writes to the church of Ephesus:

“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor…” Ephesians 4:25 (NIV).

In the natural I would not have said anything, but this verse and others like it instructed me to walk in truth. To begin a marriage based on lies and deceit would have been detrimental to our marriage today. My husband would have been married to not only a broken person, but also a liar. Omission is still not being completely truthful; therefore, living a lie. My husband’s reaction was not only a weight lifted off my shoulders, but a testimony of God’s love. The only way we could’ve started this healing journey in our marriage was through truth.

Why Let Me Marry a Broken Spouse? Why me?

(David)

Alejandra’s story left me in awe, and also took a while for me to process. I was thankful for her sincerity, but it left me wondering: What now? What am I supposed to do with that information?  I grew up in church all my life, was in an amazing relationship with God and thought this would grant me an amazing marriage without problems and with my very own happy ending. I had never been intimate with anyone before marriage, and I was as close to a perfect son to both my parents as I could be. I asked myself this question, “God, if I was such a loyal servant to you, how did you let me marry a broken spouse?” I loved her from the moment I laid eyes on her. However, I felt as though her wounds were too much for me to handle. I was angry at God for letting her go through so much, and for most of her hurts, I felt I was completely inadequate to help her get through them.

My self-righteous attitude blinded me from seeing God’s true intent. If you are the significant other to a spouse who has been hurt or broken, and you asked the same question I did, I have the answer. God chose you! He entrusted you with this marriage. There was no one else on Earth good enough to serve your spouse as you are. He was aware that his/her particular hurts and pains needed someone as strong as you! I felt privileged, after knowing this. The fact that God entrusted me to be the healing agent for my spouse’ wounds was amazing. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says,

“No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.” (MSG)

If God chose you for this specific assignment, as painful as it may be, He will also provide a way to help you adapt and go through it. This gave me the notion that the possibility of having a successful marriage no matter how broken you or your spouse may be, is at the 100% success rate with God!

(Alejandra)

In this blog we spoke about the broken spouse and the healing spouse. Well I was the person in dire need of someone who would understand me, and my husband David struggled with knowing whether or not he was equipped to deal with my past wounds. For the spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend who is broken, sometimes vulnerability is the first step to finding healing within ourselves and in our relationships. You’ll later discover that the root of most of our problems is the lack of communication and the lack of vulnerability. Now we understand that being vulnerable is a scary step, it was definitely scary for me, but that’s why I prayed about our relationship so much. My fear led me to pray hard for David; that he would have the knowledge and strength to know how to speak and handle me.  God will do the same for you.

Weekly Challenge

I want you to pray about things you might not have told your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. Ask God to tell you what areas of your life you kept hidden from your spouse.  Then ask Him to show you how to reveal them to your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. When you choose to tell them, give him time to process the information, and allow time for God to deal and lead them.

As for the spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend who is on the receiving end of this information, know that God has equipped you before hand to deal with your significant other. Trust Him and remain prayerful. God has a way of turning all things for our Good as Romans 8:28. The key word for both parties is to trust in God even when you cannot understand the entire plan.  Take time to meditate on these verses Proverbs 12:19, Ephesians 4:25, 1 Corinthians 10:13.

If you need additional help or have questions leave a comment below or email us on the side.  We are going to be praying for you