Check out entry four where Miss Misery talked about the triggers that she was struggling with.

Entry5-Friends? That’s a Joke

Dear Marsha,

In your last letter to me you asked how I think people view me.   Hmmm…No one likes you when you’re dealing with depression or anxiety. Sometimes I don’t even think God likes me. People look at you like they know something is wrong with you. But never ask you if you are ok? The regular greeting “How you are doing?” doesn’t count neither. It’s an easy way for me to say “I’m ok” because I know you really don’t want to know what I’m battling with. I mean, can you blame people? Who wants to be friends with the Negative Nancy or the Debbie Downer? I am constantly lost in thought, always looking exhausted and I’m just weird. Sometimes I wish people would just ask me if I was ok. You know, like people you really want to talk to but you really don’t want to ruin their day by coming out and explaining how you really struggle every day. I feel less guilty about opening my dark mind to them if they ask me. I feel like it’s an invitation. That they truly care about what’s going on with my mind. Even though I go to counseling for this and my counselor is great, I’m paying her to help me. Nothing feels more amazing than some you care about or admire notices your heavy mind and says “Hey are you ok”? Someone who doesn’t mind the tears and snot. Someone who says “Hey, you’ve been on my mind lately. Do you want to hangout or something?”. Who I’m I kidding? This is probably too much to ask for.

I get the thought that I truly deserve to be alone. In the physical, in my soul and in my mind. Maybe I deserve this.

-Miss Misery

Dear Miss Misery,

I think that there are many things that you said is right.  There are times when people, who don’t understand what you are going through, will distance themselves from you or not try hard enough to get to the core of who you are.  If you don’t understand yourself, it is hard for others to understand you.  One of the thing you said in one of the comments last month was,  you are glad you are not alone.  When two depressed people, who are secretly battling with their inner thoughts, get together and want  the same thing as you want, nothing gets achieved.  People are naturally in need of relationship but are naturally selfish. When a relationship is centered around someone else’s ups and downs, and someone else’s unexpected hurt, it can be a challenge for both you and other person.  But this is not a reason to give up on relationships, it’s a time to seek them out.  (This month in our Love Yourself Challenge, there will be articles on relationships.)  Check them out Strangely enough we are attracted to the same hurt we are suffering with.  We tend to relate with others that are hurting like us but then it becomes a viscous cycle.  If you connect only with others that are just as broken as you are, there will be an ongoing cycle of pain; you will hurt them unintentionally and they will do the same to you.  You will need them to be there for you while they are expecting you to be there for them; all because both are struggling with the same thing.  

Depression can feel embarrassing and no one really wants to admit the inner challenges that are faced regularly.  I know this can be hard to do but I think that trying to have a crowd of people to be in your support corner can get chaotic and crowded.  Those, like yourself, that are struggling with depression need two, maybe three people, that can be trusted in this time.  You need someone you can be honest with about your feelings; ask them to help you during this time.  You need to tell them what you are facing and what you need but at the same time don’t count their words out because they “don’t understand.”  These people must be loving, caring and willing to be honest with you.  You must have someone that can tell you your thinking is off.  You need someone that can tell you to get out of your head and point to the moments that are good instead of joining you on your negativity.  

Now listen, what happens when you withdraw from your bank account more than you put in?  You get overdraft fees.  Depression or no depression, you must be willing to put your own thoughts to the side and deposit into those two-three people that you trust in, so that when you are in need of that companionship, they are not drained, or overdrawn.  

Also, realizing that humans are selfish and that we are all going through our challenges–so they will fail your standards.  There is a place that God desires in our lives.  He never wants that place to dictate or control us, but because he knows you better than anyone–even yourself. He never gets tired of us.  He never misunderstands your intentions and has an endless amount of riches in his bank so you can never overdraw from his account. There are times you have mentioned how meaningless it can be to keep going to God over and over again about the same things.  However, when we continue to look only at man to fulfill this side of relationship, we will always come up empty.   

I know this process will take time but I would encourage you to take on my challenge for 2020.

I think that your letter to me about the voices you hear was very interesting.  Would you be able to tell us what it is like on a bad day so some can understand a little better in your next letter?  Thank you again.  I hope I made sense in this response.  

-Marsha