Check out entry seventh.  Miss Misery have talked about her negative thoughts but in entry seven she talks about what have played apart in solidifying the toxic thoughts she has with herself.

Entry 8-No One Stays

Hello Marsha,

Last time we spoke you asked me to you tell you what are some of the things I say to myself when others don’t text me, call me, or ask to hang out?  

It’s pretty inevitable that people will just not understand you.  It doesn’t matter how much they love you or try to understand, they will never get what goes on in your head.  There will be times in your life that will feel amazing, improving, and like you’re conquering everything.  But soon enough, the thoughts start again and the bad in you comes out.  You can’t have a normal conversation without bad thoughts.  You can’t think clearly without bad thoughts.  You can’t tell anyone when you have bad thoughts because the moment that they know what is going on in your head, they will be mad at you.  They won’t trust you even when you have your good moments.  No one will like you.  Everyone will give up on you.  Cause let’s be honest, who wants to deal with you like that?  NO ONE!  ABSOLUTELY NO ONE!  It’s just better to keep your mouth shut about anything you think about.  Let the bad thoughts pass before saying anything.  You will regret anything that comes out of your mouth during your bad thoughts.  And trust me, you’ll just make someone mad. So just shut up. You’ll be liked longer.

-Ms. Misery

Everyone?  There is one.

Hello Ms. Misery,

When you are so use to those thoughts—convincing yourself that you are not good enough—when you do have a good day, it doesn’t really sound like a good day because your thoughts rob you of joy.  Your thoughts bringing out the bad in you, can be annoying because it won’t allow you to enjoy the moments as it keeps reminding you of those who won’t text you, call you or hang with you. 

There is one thing that you said that was very interesting… “Everyone will give up on you.”  You know what’s interesting, in my eyes, it seems like everyone has given up on you but more importantly, it sounded like you gave up on you.  No one is exempt from the word “everyone”.  You see the first person to give you that chance, that love, that time of day should always be you first.  Yes, we know that God loves us, but after his love, we must always be the next in the list.  When we are constantly looking at how people may have failed us, we miss the truth that we failed ourselves first.  Therefore everyone else’s mistake, lack of understanding, impatience, frustration or voice of hurt from the conversation, is just the distraction from what we have done first.  The question, that really isn’t for you to answer in this letter is, “are you one of them that doesn’t want to deal with you?”  You see, man can never give you the acceptance if you can’t accept you.  Since I do know you, I know that you are so awesome but when you get in your own way, you miss relationships with people that do love you and forgive your bad days. 

Is there anyone in the Bible that you relate to?

-Marsha