Through the Winters ministry has a brand new member of the family, Alejandra Tash.  She did such a wonderful job during the month of January where we discussed the topic of loving ourselves that we decided to make her a more frequent contributor on our blogging and devotions.  Check out the “About Us” page to read more about her.  Now let’s read Alejandra’s first blog as an official member of our ministry!!

“Don’t just pretend to LOVE others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.”

Romans 12:9 NLT

This week I wanted to join the topic of love.  I would like to share my testimony about the person who was most impactful in my life, Reverend Milca Tirado Plaud.  I hate the saying, “You don’t know what you have until you lose it.” Oddly enough, though, it is so true in my life–especially in this case. Pastor Milca was a strange wonder, someone truly special.  Sadly in June of 2015, she went on to be with the Lord.  Before I tell you of how her passing impacted my life, I would like to first tell you about this woman who nurtured me back to love.

Hurt to Pieces

I must confess that I had a hard time with not only loving myself, but also with receiving love. When you’ve experienced traumatic hurt it’s really difficult to receive love. This hurt made me mean and very vindictive.  I held on to my emotional pain so strong that it became physical pain. Due to the fact that I experienced a handful of abusive relationships and damaging friendships, I came to Christ in the summer of 2009 with bags of brokenness in hopes to find refuge.  The church I was attending at the time did very little for me emotionally and, in many ways, made my issues worse.  After I left that church I became so guarded that I promised myself to never let anyone else in.  Looking back, I remember how hurt I was by the leadership.  They made me feel bad about myself and my past.  I knew nothing of God’s true love, instead I became a vessel of fear.  I was so afraid to let anyone get close to me again due to the fact I was convinced they would only hurt me. As I read Faith’s blog earlier this month, I  related with her abusive relationship.  She emphasized the scripture 1 John 4:18

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”

When I read that, I thought to myself, “That’s it!  Perfect love knows no fear.”    I don’t know how he did it, but that was the kind of love God was offering me through Pastor Milca.  It’s scary to think about it now but I see how my fear of being hurt again almost kept me from what God had planned.

The Lesson Begins…

In some cases, God has to literally teach us how to receive love.  I know this because I was one of those cases.  In 2 Cor. 5:17 it says,

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come, The old has gone, the new is here!”(NIV)

God wasn’t kidding when in he said, “I am making everything new!” I thought that when I read this, God meant “KaBOOM” and all things were truly made new–Like Magic!  No, God is more interested in our process and in writing out our story than He is in magic.

When God brought Pastor Milca in my life He knew that her love for me would be in actions and not just in words. That was exactly what I needed to do, break the “wall” I had built around me.  Pastor Milca helped that by believing in me. She spoke life into me and gave opportunities to flourish.  Best of all, unlike others who used me for their benefit, she didn’t mind not being in the spotlight; instead, she allowed me to shine.  Pastor Milca believed in my husband as well and she soon made us the Youth Leaders at the church.  How do you accept love when all you’re use to is hate, abuse, manipulation?  God loved me back to life, and He did it through her example.

She mentored my heart and was my pastor at the same time.   When my husband and I came to Pastor Milca’s church we came to her likes orphans in need of a mother.  I remember her supporting our crazy ideas, and encouraging us to “travel and be young!”    Figuratively speaking, God removed the toxins from our life, He added new people who brought nutrients and fertilized our dried up soil.  Her church was filled with love. It trickled down from the head, to the body!  This church was the perfect example of how God’s perfect love cast out fear.  My husband David and I were surrounded by love in this church. When you allow Him to, God provides people who will protect your heart, and take the time to invest in you.  Pastor Milca had a mothering spirit, and she filled a gap in me.  My deepest regret was not allowing her in sooner and not knowing her more.

Gain, Loss Then Gain Again

Three years later Pastor Milca announced that her cancer had returned.  My mouth dropped, but at the same time I “knew” that I served a God who would never take the person He had sent to be my mentor. Even as I prayed, I never truly believed God would take her. Unfortunately He did, summer of 2015.  I helped with the funeral, smelled the flowers, saw her body being lowered into the ground and yet it wasn’t real to me then. It became real once her cellphone was disconnected with no life on the other side; there was no more advice or encouragement from her.   Who do you get angry with for taking the person who believed in you the most?  What do you do when religion tells you, that you “can’t” be mad at God?  I felt robbed, and I had no one to blame.

It wasn’t till I read the blog, about Forgiving God by Marsha Winters, that I allowed myself to be angry.   This blog revealed to me that I needed to forgive God for taking the only person that I grew to love and shape me.   I also needed to forgive myself for not allowing her in, for my snotty comments, and for not appreciating her when I had the time to. Thankfully I didn’t closed myself off to love again but instead I was more open to it more than ever. God works in such mysterious ways. Before her passing Pastor brought Marsha Winters to our church to preach a powerful message based on her book, “The Threshing: A Weapon Forged by Fire.” Pastor introduced me to her, almost like she was passing the baton, saying, “Here Marsha, take good care of her.”  She has indeed, reminding me of the scripture in Isaiah 66:9 and Romans 12:9

“…Hold tightly to what is good.”

If there is one thing I learned it is to hold tightly to what is good, right now!  Allow yourself the process to let go of those things holding you back. The process of looking back may seem ugly now but it will turn into a beautiful story.  Because of Pastor Milca, I inherited that mothering spirit in which God has granted me the opportunity to impact others.  I took to heart the words of a very wise woman who once said to me, “Don’t let Milca go, let her grow.”

Let’s Pray:

Father, we thank you for placing us under your arms of grace like only you can place us. Thank you that your heart is always open to love us, through others and through your Word. Father we thank you that you made us beautifully broken and put are in the business of putting us  back together like a mosaic piece of art and that in due time your glory will shine upon us.  We ask, my God, in the mighty name of Jesus that all who read this, all who may be facing loss today be encouraged into knowing that you are a giver of life and as your word states in Isaiah 66:9.  Help us understand this passage and write it on the tablets of our hearts. We thank you that today you’ve begun a beautiful healing process that which in due time you will birth something beautiful. Lord help us to receive your love, that perfect love that cast out all of our fears, and let us experience this love in order to move forward in you.

Weekly Challenge:

Who has nurtured you to love?  Well, there is a touching story of two women that leaned on each other in some very tough times. It can be found in Ruth 1:1-18.  Take time to thank God for the people who have helped you through those ugly times.  Don’t wait until they are in the ground to thank them for what they have done.  Make a list and work on going to each person and express how that have changed you.

March is our “Survivor Series”, we are going to sharing the story of three amazing women who survived some horrible times in their lives.  Join us next month for the telling of these stories.  We would love your comments and questions.  We love you and APPRECIATE YOU!!  If you haven’t yet, like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram.