Tasting Hope

It was the last day of a six-day teen camp when the teens were assembling for their traditional prayer-walk.  In this prayer-walk the teens were going to go to different parts of the camp to address things like, insecurities, un-forgiveness, sin and much more.  As the teens broke up into different groups, the atmosphere changed, and the air just seemed thicker.  I walked by one of the counselors who was talking to one girl who seemed to be crying bitterly.  The crying was not like a crying I had ever heard before.  What started off as crying turned to weeping and it was echoing all over the 100+ acres of this camp.  I mouthed to the counselor if she could handle what was going on or if she needed me to come in.  She hesitated but felt she could deal with this young girl’s issue.

Several minutes went by and before I knew it, the weeping turned into uncontrollable sobbing. The counselor sought me out and with pain in my heart I longed to see what was devastating this broken child.  Janelle, a beautiful 14 year old, opened up to me after a few minutes about the loss of her father eight years ago.  This father made her feel like a princess, buying her little things to make her feel special and giving her a feeling of safety.  After he passed, her mother left her, her and her siblings were placed in Janelle’s aunt and cousin’s home.  Her older sister ran away from home and Janelle’s cousins started bullying her.

These six days at camp were some of the best moments since her father’s passing.  She didn’t have to worry about being bullied or even the loss of her father but the truth of her having to return to that environment brought her grief and it was worse than what it was before she came to the camp.  After talking to Janelle, I was blunt and asked her when she as planning to kill herself.  Without really blinking, she said she was planning to kill herself when she got home.  I was shocked but tried not to show any disturbance.  I was able to bring her comfort and our talk gave her a little bit more hope.

In the morning my stomach was in knots because I was convinced that this young lady was not done feeling hopeless and that this young lady was still in danger.  Well, I needed to do something but before I tell you what I did, let me go over what some of the signs of suicide are that I shared last week.

Don’t Be Embarrassed

There are two main characteristics of those that struggle with suicide.  One is anger: they have history of violence, rage, they have hurt people physically, verbally or they may have anger, but they suppress it and express it privately by throwing things, breaking things, or journaling angry thoughts.  The second is that they are hopeless and depressed: obsesses over worthlessness, hopelessness, helplessness, loved ones can’t really reason with them, sporadic crying, get emotional very easily, can’t sleep, and loss of interest in the things that they once enjoyed.

Last week, we also talked about how loss of different things can make it feel like suicide is the best way out of grief and loss.  Some of the losses were losing a loved one, losing relationship with someone—a boyfriend, finance, spouse, or family member—financial loss, and the loss of health.  First, I want to tell you that anyone who experiences these kinds of circumstances would be vulnerable to these debilitating thoughts.  You are not alone.  What you are going through—and the thoughts that follow—are understandable.  I need you to know that before we go on; you do not need to end your life to get relief.  There are some things that you can do to get free so let’s talk about it.  There is one thing I need you not to do, don’t assume you’ve done everything you can.  Can we do that?  Okay, let’s continue on.

This is a very embarrassing time for you, I know.  No one wants to be in this situation and for that reason I know you have kept these thoughts of suicide to yourself as Janelle did.  It’s time to open up to someone you trust.  Talking about suicide does not make you more inclined to do it. It’s when you hide your thoughts and keep them a secret that they eat you up.  Not having someone to call when the thoughts get bad can reaffirm the feeling that no one cares, and no one loves you.  Along with opening up to someone you love, you need to seek counseling.  At the end of every article this month, we will be giving a link to Bedrock Ministries, a biblical therapy ministry that can be there for you in this difficult time.  They can skype the calls which may make it a little easier cause you pick your own setting to speak in as opposed to going into a strange office and talking.  If you have a therapist or counselor in mind, please reach out to them immediately.

You Have to Fight Hopelessness

Janelle opened up to me the night before we left camp and I talked with her, but I didn’t give her real help until the morning.  I woke up, like I said, with knots in my stomach because I knew this girl was serious and I did nothing but listen.  That morning I found the directors of the camp and told them that I believe that Janelle was serious about committing suicide when she goes home. They brought her in to their office with me and within a matter of minutes she started weeping. This 14 year old told them the same thing she told me, but she admitted that months ago she cut her wrist in attempt to kill herself and was admitted to a hospital.  We called her aunt who was so loving and heartbroken as she heard for herself that her niece was making plans to leave this world. Janelle was ashamed and didn’t want to hurt her aunt, but it was important to get Janelle the help she needed.  Before we put Janelle on that bus to go home there was a plan set up for her, mentorship, accountability and therapy.  Therapy is needed in order to really help us get through moments like this.

Now before you start therapy, you need to be willing to do the work.  There is no way hopelessness walks away from you just because you start talking about it.  There is work that needs to be done.  You have to continue to fight. You are a fighter.  I know, I know, you’re thinking, “I am no fighter.”  You are, because there is no way you could still be here if you weren’t fighting.  You will have to do more work.  You may need to remove things that contribute to your sadness.  Also, it may be necessary for you to go to the doctor and see if any medication or chemical imbalances may be contributing to your sadness.

Before you make progress, I think there needs to be some challenging questions that you need to ask yourself.  One of them is, what is your world view on life?  You may be thinking, “What in the world are you talking about Marsha?  What does my worldview have to do with me wanting to escape this life I am living in right now?”  A lot, believe it or not.  Your interpretation of how you came into this world, your purpose on this earth, how valuable your life is, compared to other living creatures, and where you go after life is what may make you feel like you are alone, have no purpose and have no place in this world.  If you have convinced yourself that you are an accident—no one really wanted you here—than you think leaving this world wouldn’t mean anything to anyone.  If you think you’re a mistake, then you won’t see anything you do as meaningful. You won’t think you have a purpose. “How can I have a purpose when all of this garbage is coming my way?”  Well just as much as you have a God that wants you to know you are loved and there is a reason for your life, there is a force that is fighting against you to keep you drunk on your sorrow and grief.  I don’t know your purpose, but I don’t have to; God did not create anything by accident and without purpose including you.

Lastly, your worldview will determine how you see the life you would have after this one.  Do you truly believe there is life after death?  There are many religions that have their interpretation of life after death but Christianity holds strong that there is a Heaven but there is also a hell.  No one truly has a grasp of what either is like.  I do have to say that as a believer of the Bible, I am inclined to trust that if Heaven is real, so is hell and if I leave this world—before God intended me to—I take the chance that I am starting my eternity in a place that makes my earthly suffering look like the best day I could ever spend on Sesame Street.  I am not taking your circumstances lightly, but I am promising you that killing yourself may place you into a life that is worse than what you are experiencing right now.

What Does God Say

What is the remedy for the sorrow and hopelessness we are carrying?  There is a God in Heaven who has sacrificed everything—his Son Jesus—so that he can be there for you during times like these. When we trust in God and his Son Jesus, we have a chance at a life that is better than what we see right now.

 “He trusts in the Lord; let him deliver him; let him rescue him, for he delights in him!”  Yet you are he who took me from the womb; you made me trust you at my mother’s breasts.   On you was I cast from my birth, and from my mother’s womb you have been my God.   Be not far from me, for trouble is near, and there is none to help.    Psalms 22:8-11

This portion of scripture is a good reminder that whether we know it or not, we needed to trust in God from the moment we were born.  His love towards us and his dedication was not determined by our response towards him.  God knows we needed him from birth and hasn’t left us. Now as trouble is chasing you and I, we have a choice to put our hope in God or take things into our own hands.

The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.   And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.                                                                                                                             Psalms 9:9-10

This verse is a great reminder to us that God is a stronghold—a place that has been fortified to protect against attack—and we can feel safe in his hands.

No one can do this alone.  If you do not have a therapist or a counselor that you can go to, here is a link to Bedrock Ministries Bedrock Ministries.  Bedrock is a counseling ministry that will help walk you through this painful season.  They are a counseling ministry that can at least can advise and begin to point you in the right direction.  We would also love to be there for you.  Please feel free to contact us through our email at thruthewinters@gmail.com or comment below.