The power of fear can drive us right into the arms of the very thing we are trying to avoid.  So many loving parents try really hard to protect their children from the pains of life and in doing so, they sometimes neglect to address the bigger issues.   They teach the “do’s and don’ts” of how to behave and act, but life lessons are sometimes left out.  We all want to do it right. We want to nurture our children and do everything we can to give them the life we dreamed up for them.  But what happens when children aren’t taught about “True Love” and about the worth they have in God?   What happens when they decide to let someone toxic into their heart because they fear that they won’t ever be loved, so they allow that toxic person in? 

This blog is a little longer than normal so get some coffee and let’s read about my friend of over 20 years, Alana Martinez’s,  powerful testimony of survival.

The Unexpected Enemy

I can still hear the sounds of fear and anxiety in my mother’s voice as she gave me the same lecture every time we were going to be around others.

“Alana, I want you close to me where I can see you.  Don’t you dare play around with any ‘machos’ (males) or sit on any man’s lap.”

She told me this at every family gathering and every time someone came over.  The only exceptions were my father and my brother.  I made sure not to be caught near any men, so to spare myself the embarrassment of being reprimanded in public.

Sadly her fearful, anxiety ridden, lectures failed to educate me about the dangers of girls as well.  She tried so hard to protect me from being molested by men that it never occurred to her it could happen at hands of a female as well.  I was scarred when I was violated by a female at a very young age.  After hearing so many lectures I was afraid that what happened to me was my fault so I stayed quiet and never asked to sleep over anyone’s house or vice versa again.  I chose to keep the deep dark secret hidden and eventually blocked it out.

It didn’t matter how much my mother tried to protect me or even how hard I tried to shield myself from other people who would try to take and take advantage of me, I found myself in situations that quickly spiraled out of my control.  There were many factors through the years that led to me choosing to be in an abusive relationship.  They all began with me suppressing that first sexual encounter at five and no matter how hard I tried I allowed fear to push me towards the life my mother tried to shield me from.

When You Thought It Couldn’t Get Any Worse

I married at a very young age to the first person that showed me affection; for fear that I would not find another that would ever love me.  Shortly after one month of being married the abuse started.  First, it began with being grabbed by my shirt which later escalated.  With each encounter, it intensified.   It started with just pushing, throwing, and then it went to getting kicked, then slapped, then grabbed.  Eventually, my husband started to punch me and then choking me.  As years passed the abuse got worse.  He became so violent that he broke my finger and gave me a herniated disc in my back. It got even worse when he started burning my two very young children, as punishment.  He wanted to instill more fear so one day in one of our arguments he shoved a gun in my mouth; though the physical part of the abuse was bad, the verbal and non-verbal abuse was far worse.

The physical abuse was so much easier to deal with than the psychological, mental, and emotional abuse.  It was a humbling and breaking of the spirit that was irreparable.  Him abusing me and my children physically and emotionally was bad, but it wasn’t over yet.  He soon started to sexually abuse me.   I was sexually exploited in different ways.  He started forcing me to participate in pornographic film-making and practice degrading sexual activity.

He was changing my entire way of thinking; creating a victim’s mentality.  Just a look from him paralyzed me; even a change in the tone of his voice brought fear.  His goal was to break my relationships and isolate me from anyone who was a threat to “open” my eyes to the truth.

So wrapped in fear, I failed to see that my very own children were being sexually abused as well and when I did suspect, I did not have the solid proof to back up my “assumptions”.  Fear did not allow me to see clearly.  There were many days and moments, that thoughts flooded my mind on ways to get out, to get back at him for all that he had done and continued to do.  But as my hatred grew, my fear grew even greater.   I knew that I was definitely on a road straight to the grave.  But if I died, I was not going to go alone; there would be a great chance that my kids were headed to the grave with me.

Train Up a Child

Although the voice of fear rang loud in my ears every day, if it had not been for the Lord in one moment of stillness, I would not be here today.  In that one moment, Jesus showed me that He loved me and that this was not the life He had intended for me to have at all.   It says in Proverbs 22:6,

“Train up a child the way that he should go, and it will not depart from him.”

In my mess of fear and pain, it only took a moment to sincerely cry out to the Lord for him to help me and ask him to show me that this was not in His plan.  I grabbed my Bible (called the CARE Bible) and opened to a commentary the author wrote.  It said exactly this: “God is not a God of confusion, [He] cares for you.  If you are in a situation of abuse, you must call authorities to get you out of that situation.  And you must understand this is not His plan for your life.”  The message could not have been any clearer.

My road has definitely not been an easy one.  As a former victim of domestic violence, I can tell you now, I am a victor.  I am not exempt from the struggles, challenges, trials and tribulations of this life, but I understand now that faith can be the opposite of fear.  Fear paralyzes you, but faith can move mountains.  That is why the enemy is so determined to attack your faith.  Without it, it is impossible to please God.

If I knew then what I know now, I most definitely would not have worried as much about how my life would have gone, nor would I have allowed myself to make such rash decisions based on fear.  Fear and worrying never got me anywhere but into more mess.  If it were not for the Lord, I would not be here today.  No matter how much I feared or worried, God still accomplished His will and continues to show Himself to be faithful.  He has NEVER failed me before and He most definitely won’t start now.

-Alana

Alana’s story is powerful and it should make every parent stop for a minute. When we parent our children in fear we unknowingly plant a seed that follows them through life.  Sometimes the very thing we are trying to protect them from is the very thing that entraps them.  We must fight for our children but we have to stop fighting under the umbrella of fear. 

Alana has rededicated her life to Jesus and returned to church over 6 years ago.  Today she is the lead worship leader in her church.  All of her children are serving the Lord including her daughter who will be pursuing full-time ministry and her son who is currently playing the drums on the worship team.  God is not just in the business of healing us but forging us into the Devil’s worst nightmare.  

Make sure to check us out in April where Alejandra will be taking the whole month to talk about fear.  

Weekly Challenge:

Take some to read Psalms 34 carefully.  This Psalm was written by King David who was in a situation where he allowed his fear to get the best of him.  He was in the face of his enemies and he decided to act like he was insane.  Think about a time in your life when you made a decision out of fear.  Write out these fears in your devotion time with God and pick one to work on and when you think you’ve got a handle on it. Then move to the next one.  Get an accountability partner or pastor involve if your fear is consuming.

Before I leave, I would also love you to check out my friend, Dorsey Ross and his new autobiography, Overcomer.  We talked about him last week.  The book details the challenges Dorsey faced, as well as those of his family, when he was diagnosed with Apert Syndrome; a genetic disorder that causes abnormal shaping of the skull and face, as well as other birth defects. Despite pressure from the doctors to place Dorsey in an institution, with a belief he would be brain-dead soon, his parents decided to take Dorsey home and do what they could to help his life thrive, even if it meant having to endure sixty-eight surgeries for his face, head, and hands.  Dorsey is a walking miracle and you will have the opportunity to purchase his book when you look on the sidebar of our website. You can also go to his website to see more about him and his ministry – Dorsey Ross Ministries.

We would love to hear from you whether it’s in the comments below or by email. If you haven’t yet, Like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram.  See you next week!!