Meet Carlee – My First Survivor

For the last few months, I have been sharing my story of my abuse and hurt.  The hardest part of growing up is realizing that you lost your childhood.  In different blogs and in my book, I share the struggles but I talk about how I have been able to live as a survivor of abuse.  There are others that have survived some very painful things but they are not just surviving they are thriving.  March is our, “Survivor Series.”  You are going read some amazing stories over the next month.  Due to the sensitivity of the stories, we are going to change the names of everyone. The first story we are going to read is of my friend Carlee.  I pray you will be inspired.

My name is Carlee Michaels, and I am a survivor. My mother and father divorced when I was a small child. Because of this, I needed to stay at my dad’s house half the time and at my mom’s house the other half. My mom was a very strong faith-filled Christian from when I was young. I went to church every Sunday and was taught all about God. The only problem was my dad was an angry, bitter, atheist. Every time I went to my father’s house, he would do things that caused me to doubt the existence of a “good father.”  From 3 to 9 years old I was sexually, physically, and verbally abused by my father. It was like Marsha said in the blog Father’s Love, I put this invisible being to the test.  There were times that I was in my father’s house at 6 years old, curled in my bed, praying that the God my mother spoke about would come to my rescue.  Sometimes the abuse would happen, but sometimes my father would be too drunk or too tired and I would not be touched.  Still, I wondered how could people preach to me about a loving God who is supposed to be my Heavenly Father when my earthly father was the epitome of evil?

I started struggling with the idea of this God.   I didn’t understand why such a loving God would give me such a brutal life. My father’s abuse was not the only thing I had to endure.  My mother had a problem with men, going from man to man was her downfall and, unfortunately, I paid for it. I was being abused by my father when I went to his home and at the age of 8, her boyfriend molested me. He didn’t stick around too long.  Not too long after that, she got involved with another man and that man became her husband.  He did not put his hands on me but he started to verbally abuse me until I was about 17 years old. So for 14 years, I did not have the best depiction of how a man should treat a young girl.

Where Would I be Without God ?

God continued to chase me even though I wanted nothing to do with him.  At about 13 I was pressured–in the best way–to attend the youth group at my church. I was so angry and bitter inside but I was really good at putting on a mask and pretending to be happy, so I went.  I could pretend to be happy all I wanted but not long after that I was diagnosed with several mental illnesses and hospitalized and placed in the psych wards more times than I was out and home.  During this crazy period of life, I met my spiritual father and his wife.  This man helped heal my broken spirit as he loved me as a father loves a daughter.  His role in my life helped restore my view of men.  This is when God truly got a hold of me and I said, “Okay, now it’s time for your heavenly father to make some changes.”  So at about 17 years old I became really saved.

I decided that I wanted to study psychology in school.  In my classes, I am bombarded with the information about the harmful effects of abuse on a child and how that child should end up in their teens and into adulthood. Without God where would I be?  From my studies, it is clear I should have been addicted to drugs or alcohol or both, in constant sexual relations with men, possibly a teenage mother, or as a result of the depression that I do suffer from, I should be dead.  Even though I wish he did, God did not erase my past.  I must admit that there were suicide attempts but God really got a hold of my heart and showed me who I was in Him. My life without God would have gone a completely different way.

If I knew back then what I know now about God I would have told myself this:

“You were created for more than abuse and maltreatment Carlee Michaels. You were made to be a light in this world of darkness. Not every man is like the three that you have encountered. God is going to use your story to help many girls that are going through the same thing. Even though life looks hopeless now, there is a God who is by your side through the whole thing. He never promised you wouldn’t face trials, but He does promise to hold your hand the whole way through if you’ll let him.”

Carlee is a powerful woman not because she was never weak, but that she refused to let her weakest moments of her life to dictate her future.  Carlee is a worship leader in her church and for the first time, she has been given a small group of teenagers of her own to mentor.  The young people she oversees are just as broken as she used to be.  Carlee has had many opportunities to use her story to set others free.  Are you like Carlee?  Are you angry that God did not erase your past?  Well, I want you to reread what she would have said to herself and pretend she is talking directly to you, “You were created for more than abuse and maltreatment beloved. You were made to be a light in this world of darkness. Not everyone will hurt you like the ones you encountered. God is going to use your story to help many people that are going through the same thing. Even though life looks hopeless now, there is a God who is by your side through the whole thing. He never promised you wouldn’t face trials, but He does promise to hold your hand the whole way through if you’ll let him.”

Weekly Challenge:

Do you relate to Carlee’s story?  Does your view of God suffer from the crimes others have committed against you?  God wants to restore your relationship with him.  He wants to show you how much he loves you.  I want to challenge you to read Matt 18:1-14 as one story.  In the Bible, it is broken up, but when you read it. put them all together.  Pretend that you are one of the little children and also the lost sheep.  Pay close attention to how Jesus views the one that has caused you to stumble.

Before I leave I would also love you to check out my friend, Dorsey Ross and his new autobiography, Overcomer.  The book details the challenges Dorsey faced, as well as those of his family, when he was diagnosed with Apert Syndrome: a genetic disorder that causes abnormal shaping of the skull and face, as well as other birth defects. Despite pressure by the doctors to place Dorsey into an institution, with a belief he would be brain-dead soon, his parents decided to take Dorsey home and do what they could to help his life thrive: even if it meant having to endure sixty-eight surgeries for his face, head, and hands. 

I grew up with Dorsey.  His father was actually the van driver that would pick me up on Sunday mornings and take me to church.  Dorsey and I were both a handful on these rides home but his father was so loving and patient.   I grew to admire my friend as he never allowed anything from coming to church.  His spirit and his determination are contagious and inspiring.   Dorsey is a walking miracle and you will have the opportunity to purchase his book when you look on the sidebar of our website.   You can also go to his website to see more about him and his ministry, Dorsey Ross Ministries.

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