Don’t Leave Me Summer

What’s happening in your seasons of life?  Summer with my children continues to be the best time of my life, every year.  I used to be a stay-at-home mom, but now I work at their school.  Now, I get the whole summer off with them, and we enjoy the vacation time together.  During this time we go to a friend’s house to play in her pool once, maybe twice a week. We enjoy our yard, play in our pool, and have a ton of BBQ’s.  We enjoy evenings of making smores; the excitement of the Fourth of July fireworks and birthday parties are thrown in honor of my daughters.  Other times, we just enjoy resting in the hammock and listening to music.  

We can’t help loving each other, God, and life its self as we gaze on the bright greenness of the freshly mowed grass that lets off a sweet savor to the Lord.  Life has a different sound as the birds sing their newest worship song to the Lord and the trees wave their arms to the heavens and their leaves shade us from the bright, warm sun.

Uncomfortable Vulnerable

What happens when things change?  As the weather is getting cooler, now in the November month, I stand in the middle of the yard in the beauty of God’s creation and see things changing.  The coolness of the wind lets me know that everything is going to look different in a few weeks.   It is hard to believe that the same yard that was full of action only a few months back will now be barren and almost abandoned of life.  The trees will be bear and come to a deafening silence.  Life just emerged seven months ago, and we were soaking it all up.

One day, many years ago, I was asked to share my testimony to the women’s ministry when I was in my previous church.  A good amount of the members knew me, but they knew nothing about my survival story.  My husband was the youth pastor for the church at the time, and this was his home church where he grew up since he was a child.  Me, however, most of them only knew me for about seven to eight years.  I danced regularly onstage and even created a youth dance team as well.  On this day, I stood on the pulpit alone and started sharing about the day my innocence was stolen from me at the age of five.  I went on to tell them that the violation was nothing compared to the following season of severe abuse that was showered on me regularly.  I admitted about becoming a bully to my peers at school and many other things.  The details of my testimony went on to shock everyone, especially the women who had known me those years.

Everyone Goes Through Winter

Is a winter season only for some or do we all go through it at some time?  You see, I was a woman who had experienced many horrific moments in my life, and I was able to muster the strength to share about the pains of loneliness, bitterness, ugliness, silence, and hopelessness.  I discovered that many of the women in attendance were in their own “winter season” and they thought it would not end. There were some who were recovering from domestic violence or recovering addicts. Others related to me because they saw that I understood loneliness and the feelings of being abandoned.  Everyone, no matter what they were going through, got something from my story that day.   Thank you, Jesus.

Before this day many of the women thought they knew my life because my husband and I were on staff at the church.  They did know parts of me, but not all of me.  They sat there in total shock because my past was not something I wore on my sleeves.  No one had any idea the pain I had suffered with for so many years.  They had only seen me in my “summer season” so to speak.

Like my backyard, there was life coming from me where once there was a drought and silence.  Dancing was the venue in which I used to worship God; to thank him for all He had done for me.  These women were able to witness my joy for God and life, but they did not know of the things I experienced before that time. Many have told me that I should not be able to function the way I do, due to the past I had.  But in the hands of God, He takes, what seems like meaningless pain and makes it into purposeful power.

What challenges are we confronted with during our winters?  Nobody in their right mind would want to go through a spiritual winter.   First, we need to remember that the winter is not a meaningless time.  If you see it that way, then you are going to miss out on the most significant growth process ever.  It is during this time that God can show you how faithful He is.  It is also the period where He can show you His heart and the compassion He has for you.  This is a season of strengthening and a time for God to love up on us more.

Second, winter becomes the time when socializing get’s reduced.  Winter decreases socializing because people tend to stay in more.  It can become a lonely season.  But God separates us from the noise; quiets everything down so that His voice can be heard.  When we are looking to others for help in this time, many miss the lessons and the intimacy that God wants to have with us.

Lastly, this is a time for you to slow down.  I don’t know about you, but the summer is where we are going from one event to another, from one party to the next and sometimes God needs to allow a time for us to be still.  Being still can be the hardest thing for us, humans.  We want to keep doing and moving, but God, at times, brings things to a halt so that we can reassess our lives.

Sadly, many spiritual winters last longer than a few months.  I was 18 years old when my winter ended.  Then, years later, God called me to use my story of loss, abuse, and trauma to help others.  There was no way I could do that unless I confronted the things about my past unless I admitted my insecurity, anger, fear, lack of trust and arrogance.  I thought I could run from it all, but God wanted me to stop using my new life to distract myself from what He needed me to fix.  I was looking at people for approval and companionship, but no one could walk this icy road with me.  There was only room for two, me and my Savior.

As lonely as it was, it was also extraordinarily intimate and passionate as God showed me that He had something prepared for me at the end of all this.  He showed me the faces of the people He was going to bring my way for me to help them through their winters.  

On that day when I first shared my story, many women came to the altar for prayer. Women wept and embraced each other to help bring comfort to each other.  It was finally a time where they could be vulnerable and transparent before the Lord.  They had found someone else that could identify with them.   It was one of the best feelings ever to see, what I thought was a meaningless season and instead served Gods purpose.

Weekly Challenge:

I don’t know where you are in your walk.  If you have not decided to give your life over to God as yet, please know that there is nothing better than giving God these moments of ugliness and loneliness.  Without Jesus those moments will stay meaningless, they will stay ugly and lonely.  But in the hands of God, you can look at those seasons as the most meaningful.  God wants to set you free from the feelings of hopelessness but you first need to trust him.  If you need help with this, please message me.   I would love to talk to you.

But if you have already placed your life in the palm of Jesus’ hand I have to ask how are you using your past winters to help others?  You may see yourself free from the pain that brought on the winter, but what are you doing with it?  We are here for you as well.  If you need help in the steps you can take please contact us. I do not want you to be deceived summer can be just as dead as winter if the one who gives life is not in it. Don’t live in the summer like it’s still winter, if winter is over.  Also if you would like to hear more about my testimony read my book, “The Threshing: A Weapon Forged by Fire.” Sign up here to read the first three chapters for free! You can also buy the full book on Amazon!