De-Cluttering

Have you ever gotten so fed up of the clutter in your house that you just started throwing things just to find out that you threw out something valuable?  I can’t stand clutter or my space being occupied by meaningless items. In the 21 years that Sam and I have been married, my husband has had a hard time throwing things out. I have had to go through our house and throw out broken, unused items–that were being treasured like the first time it was purchased. One day in my haste to get things more organized, I started throwing away papers, wires, and other meaningless items out of annoyance.  Then a few days later my husband asked for a set of papers that he needed to give into work to cover the spending he had made over the months…(UGGHHHH).  I did not, in any way shape or form want to admit that I actually threw it away.  Sadly I had to go diving into garbage to get his forms.  Sometimes in your haste for better you throw away the things that you really need.

What thoughts are cluttering your mind?  In the last few months we have been talking about things like loss and grief, depression and suicide.  Anxiety and panic attacks is becoming the new normal as fear of holding up to the weight of expectation from everyone around us.   When we live in this world where death is right around the corner for everyone of any age, no one has an identity because it is taken from them, everyone has been abused in some way shape and form, you start to wonder where is God.  Like me, sometimes we want to declutter our minds from anxiety, fear and pain that we throw away our trust in God and everything that he has promised to all of us who truly believe in him.

Trashing My Trust

Does trusting in God make things easier? I remember the one year that I trashed my confidence, my certainty… my TRUST. I thought about how trusting in God was just making life worse for me, so I thought. When you are trusting in God there is no room for anything else. The truth was, I was telling myself I was putting my trust in him but I wasn’t. I was trusting in my money. I was trusting in my husband. I was trusting in my friends. I was trusting in myself. I lied to myself and to others. I claimed that I was trusting in God because that’s what I was suppose to do, but when every thing was stripped away, I was really trusting in these earthly things and then blaming God when everything failed.

I remember the day I realized I had no other choice but to give God everything because I had no real control.  I had the unfortunate experience of living the last 4 years of my teenage years without a father.  My father was abusive and cruel but my pain was not in losing my father but watching my mother live without a husband.  When my father past away there were many nights where my mother would ask my brother and I to just come in the room and keep her company.  She was no use to being away from my father and the void in her room after work was too much for her.  My brother and I would sit with her many nights, and even sleep in the bed with her so she wouldn’t have to be alone.  Many nights I watched her do life with tears in her eyes.  I hated him but she loved him and even though she was alive, she was not living.  It was then that I started fearing falling in love and then losing my husband to death.  Anyone whose experienced this kind of grief and loss would run from it at all cost.

After several years of being with my husband I realized that my fear of losing him was starting to eat me alive.  I was calling him over and over again when he was away from home as well as giving him attitude when he was late.  I would fight and nip at him because my fear was consuming me while he was gone.  God intervened when he gave me a dream that Sam had past away.  The dream was so real to me and to my horror it just kept looped over and over again.  As I was sleeping my pillow was drenched in tears because I was weeping in my sleep as I was stuck in this dream.  Thank God I woke up and my husband was right next to me.  When I felt his body against me I turned around and cried bitterly in his back.  He was unaware of what was going on as I buried my face and held him as tight as I could.  After several minutes he turned around and comforted me but there was no comforting me.  It was then that I realized that God was showing me how my fear was consuming me.  God was trying to get me to trust him but there was so much at risk.

You Want ALL of It God???

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Why is this very scary for someone like me? God wanted ALL my trust. There is no room for me to lean on myself. I couldn’t dare depend on my own understanding of life because I did not know the future.  God was demanding for more than I think I could possibly give him but I knew I needed to give up on depending on myself.  When I finally gave up then God needed me to give him “some” of my ways? NOPE, God wanted ALL my ways to be submitted to him. You know why Christianity is so hard for people? Because God is an ALL in or nothing kind of God. He doesn’t want half of anything and we are so uncomfortable with that demand from him. We have been told, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket,” but God challenges that way of thinking every single day and it AGGRAVATES US!!!! (UUGGGHH) Why can’t I have a little insurance just in case he doesn’t come through on his end? Well, my dear friend, that’s the meaning of trust, isn’t it? We have to let God be our basket and we put all our hopes and dreams in him.

Anyway, I refused to accept that! I was not going to do that!! Trusting God just meant vulnerability and I was too scared of being hurt.  So you know what happened? My walk was crooked. I was confused, angry, guarded and skeptical of everything. When I finally wore myself out emotionally and physically, I took my trust out of the garbage. I brushed it off and revisited the promises God spoke to me after that dream. I took the time to see where I was disobedient and how it contributed to missing my own mark. I was at fault, guys. My trust in God didn’t fail because I never really trusted him. In my hope to mask my lack of trust, I made it seem as if I did trust.

After I was honest with myself and with God, my confidence in my relationship with husband came back. I admitted my wrong to him and started on that straight and narrow road to God and his promises. It can be the same for you. In this month we are going to de-clutter our mind, but also take those things out of the trash that we thought were useless.

Have you thrown away your trust? Are you where I was in some areas of your life? Are you afraid of losing something or having something taken from you so you rely on your own ways of doing things to keep it?  Well, take the time to see if there are some areas that you aren’t giving to God.

One of my favorite Psalms is Psalms 37:3-7. Here is some of it.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

This verse challenges us in six different ways that goes along with trusting him.

1. Take delight in God.  When we delight in God our desires mirror his and will give us more than we could ever imagine.  We start to want what he wants and before we know it he gives us the desires of our hearts.
2. Commit all your ways to God.  That means that before you make a decision, you go to God and let him show you the path you need to take.
3. Learn to be still and learn patience.  This can be the hardest thing for us.  When we have been our god in our lives, when we rely on our power, resources and knowledge.  But canceling our plans and being still for a moment and waiting as long as we need to for God’s instructions can be a struggle.
4. Keep your eyes on God.  These verses say something that needs to be remembered, do not fret when people succeed in their ways.  Sometimes when we see other people succeeding in doing things their way, we are tempted to do the same but God is calling you to something different.

If you would like to hear more about my testimony read my book, “The Threshing: A Weapon Forged by Fire.” Sign up here to read the first three chapters for free!  You can also buy the full book on Amazon!  Please comment below or contact us through email if you need additional help at thruthewinters@gmail.com.