Mangled Motherhood

How can we mother our children without screwing them up? Isn’t that the hope of most mothers? We bring life into the world, and they look to us for everything. When they arrive, they don’t care about our weight, our beauty, our talents or the amount in our bank account. They know the rhythm of our heartbeat and the base in our voice. We become their go-to source when facing new peers in pre-school, to having that first crush, packing up for college, to when they slip on that wedding ring. Then maybe, just maybe, they bring forth a new life of their own.  In between those stages of life, we as mothers can get in the way of God’s plan. Parents, at times, live vicariously through their children and lead them in ways we feel is best suited; never asking God for directions. And if we do, we never listen for an answer.

During the month of May, we are going to study four women from the Bible who made mistakes in which we can all learn from. We may just find that their mistakes are not that different from our own. The goal is to learn from these mistakes. What they did right and what they did wrong. By the end of each study, I hope that you can reflect it to how you parent

This Mom’s Story

This story takes place in Genesis 16, 17, 18 and 21

Let’s go back about 4-5 thousand years ago to a very wealthy couple whose names are Sarah (who was 64 years old) and her husband Abraham (who was 75 years old). They owned cattle, land, servants, and gained the respect of those around the area. With everything that they possessed, one thing remained foreign to them; they did not have any children. There was no family to whom they could pass down their estate. At their age, the idea of having children was out of the question. Children represented God’s blessing. With all that Abraham and Sarah possessed, they still lacked the one true blessing of all, a child.

Sarah and Abraham got over the disappointment of barrenness and just expected to give their estate to one of their servants. They seemed content with where they were… until–there is always an “until”– God plants a dream in both their hearts. In Gen 15:1-18 God makes a covenant with Abram that, even though he was too old to have a child, his wife would give him a son. Vs 6- says that he believed in the Lord, but he had to convince Sarah to believe with him. The Bible does not say that God spoke to Sarah directly. It doesn’t even record the conversation they had, but we can see that she believed because it showed when time passes and she begins to doubt.

“And Sarai said to Abram, ‘Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children[a] by her.’ And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai.” – Gen 16:2

Sarah believed that God was going to give her elderly husband a child, but maybe from another woman. Now, someone could read it and think that she only waited for a little while for God’s promise; however, in actuality, she waited 10 years before coming up with this idea. She was now 74 and her husband was 85 when she made this suggestion. Sarah wanted to help God bring about his promise and maybe Abraham understood it wrong. She thought that this was a good idea, but how many times do we have good ideas which lead us into periods of darkness?

Is there something that God has shared with you that you are trying to help God accomplish because it’s taking a long time? Are you getting impatient? Do you think you heard him wrong? Well, Sarah convinces her husband to have sex with one of her servants, Hagar, and he got her pregnant. How could her husband go along with something like that? As wives and mothers, we need to understand, it is something unexplainable but, there is a level of trust that our husbands and children place on us that we can’t take for granted or take advantage of. We need to be careful what direction we lead them in. Don’t allow your impatience and doubt to conceived something that was never meant to be conceived.

You Can’t Always Erase Your Mistake

Sarah was planning to take the baby from Hagar and treat the child like her own—this would satisfy God’s promise to give Abraham a child…right? Well, things backfired when Hagar did get pregnant and started looking down on Sarah. There is nothing more contentious then to have two women in the same room that want the same man, but what was it like when one is pregnant?

Sarah didn’t want to admit it but it was her own idea that caused her world to turn upside down. Her anger was turned against Hagar and Hagar ran away. I’m sure that Sarah thought her problems were solved when she found out that her servant left; however, God showed Himself to Hagar and told her how powerful her unborn baby was going to be. Just because Hagar was out of Sarah’s sight didn’t mean she was out of God’s mind. There are some mistakes that aren’t so easily forgotten. There are things that you can’t just wish away.

Why didn’t God show up to Sarah? What was Sarah’s thought when Hagar returned back a few days later. Has there ever been a mistake that you made, that you wanted to just wish away? You know that it was wrong but there was nothing you could do to get rid of it. Now Sarah not only had to live with her servant’s change of attitude but she now had to watch Hagar walk around with her promise in her womb; she had everything she ever wanted.

“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” -James 4:1-3

Sometimes the root of our bitterness is birthed from envy, strife and wrong motives.

The Inconvenience of a Miracle

So what happened next? 13 years later Sarah was still not pregnant, but God had not forgotten her even though she thought He had. In Genesis 18 God shows up to remind Abraham of his promise. This time he tells Abraham in verse 10 that one year from that date Sarah would give birth to a son.

Now, Sarah was at earshot of the promise and vs12 says that Sarah laughed at it. She didn’t laugh because of happiness, or relief that she was finally going to get the promise. If you were her what would your laugh be about? If it were me my laugh would be… “Oh, I have heard that before?” or “I was fine without this promise” or “NOW!! After 25 years, you want to come now!?”

She was now about 88 or 89!!! Think about it, this was a response to an inconvenient promise. How do you think she would do with not just taking care of a newborn but being pregnant… at 88, having morning sickness… at 88, being in labor… at 88 nursing a baby… at 88? The truth is she was cynical because she most likely felt that here God gives a promise, He doesn’t come through so she takes matters into her hands and now, at an inconvenient time, He comes to fulfill on His promise? The truth is, her laugh could have been anything but it sure was not one of belief. God questioned her in vs 14 saying,

“Is there anything too hard for the Lord?”

Sarah responds by denying that she laughed.  One year later, everything that God promised came to pass; she had a baby boy named, Isaac. Life should be good now but it wasn’t.

“The child grew and was weaned, and on the day Isaac was weaned Abraham held a great feast.  But Sarah saw that the son whom Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham was mocking,  and she said to Abraham, ‘Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.’” -Gen. 21: 8-10

What can we learn from her?
Her act of helping God was now her thorn in her side. She could not enjoy God’s miracle in peace because her consequence for doubting God was now taunting her. What happened in the 25 years of waiting for her miracle, that we can learn from?

1. 1. Waiting brings to surface the things we need to change.-  Sarah’s doubt and manipulation could have ruined what God wanted to do with Isaac.  It was during the waiting period that who you really are, comes out.  It is during this time you express your true insecurities, your doubts, your lack of faith, struggles with obedience and your tendency to control things.
   2. God wants to gain a relationship with you before the blessing– Was Sarah serving God for the promise or for the relationship?  Don’t serve God for what you can get, serve him for who he is.  Don’t cling to God for what you think you can get from him.  During this time draw closer to God so you can see that there is nothing impossible for God.
   3. God is looking to make a miracle while we are looking for mediocrity- Pregnancy is a part of life.  You don’t need to have faith to believe that a. woman can get pregnant.  Sarah was looking for a baby and God was looking to make a miracle.  Sometimes we miss the big picture of God’s plan.  We want the same old blessing, however, God is in the business of making an ordinary act, extraordinary.

Weekly challenge:

-Speak life into your situation, not death. Leave your opinion out of your circumstances – ( Proverbs 18:2 Fools find no pleasure in understanding  but delight in airing their own opinions.)

-Gathering up scriptures to reinforce God’s promises.

-Talking back to the enemy when he tries to get you to doubt.
God still used Sarah despite her failures and her impatience. God can use you as well.
Read: Psalm 130:5, Isaiah 30:18 and Isaiah 30:21

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