I Smell Something

Have you ever smelt the stench of someone’s stinkin’ thinkin’? When Sam and I got together, I never thought that doing my daughters’ hair would be such a struggle and so expensive. I spend so much money buying products, getting hair ties, bonnets, and other accessories to make them look cute. One day when Rachel was about 5 years old, she said that she didn’t like her hair. I was shocked because her hair texture is what I absolutely dreamt about; the softness, the curls, and the baby hair look. For some reason, she didn’t see things as I did. Something didn’t seem right and as I continued to talk to her, I realized that her dislike was not normal.

About a year and a half before, Sam and I decided to leave the Bronx, where her hair texture was completely common amongst the Hispanic and African American community. She was cute but she was not unique in her look. However, we were in a community with mostly Caucasian kids and Rachel’s look was very unique. When she went to pre-school and kindergarten, her hair was the talk of the kids and some of her classmates made unfavorable comments. They said her hair was weird because it wasn’t straight and the curls were different. She begged me to straighten her hair and at first, we didn’t know why. After finding out about why she wanted her hair to be straight, I refused to allow her way of thinking about herself to be encouraged. What does my 5-year-old Rachel have in common with each of us no matter what age we are? Rachel suffered from faulty thinking and if we are honest, we all can admit to a time when we’ve done the same.

Faulty Thinking

What is exactly is faulty thinking though? It is believing that we need to be perfect, that we have to have everyone’s love and approval, or even thinking that our performance is what gains acceptance. At times, it can be an excuse used to support bad habits and thought patterns in our lives. Over the years I’ve ministered to many about how they see themselves. Some of the hardest people I ministered to are those who refuse to take the blame for where they are in life or understand why their struggles are so complicated. They place the blame of their misfortune on others which allows for them to possess a victim mentality; if fault can be placed on the behavior of a parent’s shortcomings or a spouse’s unfaithfulness, or rejection from friends, then this gives the one on the receiving end a pass, justifying their thinking and view of themselves. Outside events are also blamed for stinking thinking. How could we think positively when this world is literally going to hell? How are we supposed to have hope when the world has taken away our hope? How are we supposed to enjoy life when life as we know it is being squeezed from us?

God has said, that we must keep our thoughts on things that are true Philippians 4:8

Finally, [a]believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].

He said to put all imaginations under control…2 Cor 10:5

“We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”

These were all things that God told us to do, knowing what we were going to go through. God has never asked us to do something that is beyond our ability.

Another thing that plays a part to our faulty thinking is the deceptive lies Satan plants in us. One day I was talking with a young man who was struggling with his self-esteem. He felt like he would never ever have a family and that he was not good enough. I gave him homework and told him to write down the top 10 lies he tells himself. The following week he came with a list of lies that he thought about himself. His list was clearly lies by the enemy. I sat there and listened to all 10 and then said to him, “Do you see a problem with this homework and your response?” He was a little confused by my question. I said, “How do you know something is a lie?” He looked at me and then I answered, “You only know what a lie is when you know the truth.” BINGO!! You see, like this young man, we know the truth but allow ourselves to substitute the truth with a lie unconsciously. I mean think about it my friend…since when does our enemy tell the truth about us? Never! They will say the opposite to hide your strength. So, as much as we want to play the victim to our lies, we expose ourselves the moment we admit we know the lies from the truth.

Now that we have left ourselves vulnerable to the truth, we must understand that these lies cause damage. Lies destroy the things that God has been trying to create in us and they place us in bondage. Specifically, it destroys our peace, our joy, and our feeling of safety all as our future crumbles under the stress and anxiety we feel. When I speak of bondage, imagine not only being in a prison cell but also chained to the bars of a prison, which some of us may already be in.

My Mind Is All Over The Place

Other than Satan, how else are these lies created? Well, the truth is we can play a part in creating the lies we believe as well. We do that through irrational and wrong thinking based on misperceptions and misbelief. We have to be honest at some point that many times we experience stress and anxiety because we allow our minds to go all over the place and we don’t stop our thoughts in their tracks. We allow ourselves to take what is really happening and then allow our brains to transport us into a land of lies. The only way we can be set free from excess stress, anxiety, and bondage is when we finally admit our part in where our mind goes.

What is truth thinking? Truth thinking is where we allow the Bible to show us why we believe what we believe. For example…

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. – James 1:5-8

Why do we struggle with stress, anxiety, and fear? We don’t have wisdom in the situations we are in. God makes it clear that if we need wisdom in any situation, He will give it to us. However, because we do not go to God for wisdom, instead we go back and forth in our decisions and become unstable in ALL our ways. Wow, just because we don’t ask God, for one thing, look at what challenges we face in other things. Realize though, that asking for wisdom is not our only job, we also must learn to wait, listen, and obey. The truth is that stress causes us to make decisions out of impulses and fear which causes us to live feeling like nothing can be trusted; life is always tossing us left and right.

How do we mature in our thinking? What do we need to remember so that we can destroy faulty thinking? There are three things we can start doing to reduce stress, anxiety, and faulty thinking.

1. You were created in God’s image– How does knowing that we are created in God’s image change our situation? When I look at my children and see a reflection of myself, it makes me love my children so much more. My daughters are always amazed when they discover something about themselves that I have or do, as well. As a mom, I did not purposely make my children this way. This was God’s doing but when you know that God loves you so much that he purposely made us look like him, why wouldn’t he come to our rescue? How could he stare at a version of himself in need and not help?

2. Don’t just know truth but think truth-When we stop, sit and speak candidly, we know truth, but we won’t think truth. Why wouldn’t we think truth? Because then we can’t justify our wrongful behavior, lack of trust in God, and our rash decisions. Thinking truth leaves no room for the behaviors we hate but habitually do.

3. Truth sets us free– Look at this…John 14:6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Jesus tells us he is not just the way, but he is the TRUTH and he gives us life. How does he give us life? Look at what John 8:31-32 says,… “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” 

When we allow God into our life, we must confess our sins, repent—stop doing life the way we were doing it before—, believe Jesus is capable of setting us free, and then accept God’s grace.

Today, 12 years later, Rachel saw that her need to look like everyone was based on a lie. I showed Rachel with truth that she is beautiful, perfect in her appearance and that the more she learns to love her differences the better she would be. As her relationship with God grew, he surfaced her insecurities so she could get healing in her thinking. When she distinguished the lies others spoke over her and the lies she told herself, she walked with much more confidence and so will you. She had to reset her mind and keep it set.

Can you relate to any of these thoughts? Do you struggle with trying to do things the world’s way? At the end of the article there is a wonderful teaching by Sarah Jakes.  It is a powerful reminder of how we need to keep our mind set on and keep it set.

No one can do this alone.  If you do not have a therapist or a counselor that you can go to, here is a link to Bedrock Ministries Bedrock Ministries.  Bedrock is a counseling ministry that will help walk you through this painful season.  They are a counseling ministry that can at least can advise and begin to point you in the right direction.  We would also love to be there for you.  Please feel free to contact us through our email at thruthewinters@gmail.com or comment below.