Kaylee

What is your definition of pain?  Kaylee has graced us for the last two weeks with her story of emotion pain from childhood, click to read.  The loss of childhood and need for relief led her into the bondage of addiction.  She found herself in a destructive relationship, click to read.  She was willing to give up God for a better version of love.  As her physical world was breaking down, so was her body.  She will explain…

Do You Know Pain Like I know Pain?

I mentioned my pain and insecurity in the previous weeks.  A lot of this pain was emotional, but there was severe physical pain as well.  I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Endometriosis, Hypothyroidism, and IBS when I was 18.  I cannot adequately describe what I was feeling in those moments. Can you imagine being a teenager and having the same illnesses as someone approaching the end of their life?  I felt crippled. I felt hopeless.  I felt weak.  I felt angry.  Why do other people get to be healthy and have the common cold as their worst illness? Why do I have to live every day wishing I could just take one step without being in pain? These illnesses cause me great pain.  There are days where I can’t stand for longer than two minutes. There are days when I can’t lift a blanket to cover myself. There are days when I can’t feed myself because my arms are too weak. Some days I can’t walk. Some days I can’t drive. Some days the pain is so bad that I can’t speak. So while I was suffering this pain, my boyfriend betrayed me. He chose healthy women over me. He called me names and said I was crazy. I started to believe the things he said, and my sickness and pain became too much for me to bear.

Kaylee was losing everything.  She was emotionally paralyzed by her abusive relationship with her boyfriend.  She was mentally paralyzed by her addiction to drugs and now her physical body was paralyzed by pain.  How could she move on now that everything was dying around her?  She was losing the little hope she had.

Have you ever been in a place where everything you relied on was failing you?  Has there been a time when you were so paralyzed by life’s blows that you just couldn’t move forward?  When we put our hope on anything but God, it’s like allowing termites into our homes.  Termites eat away at the wood, metal siding, cabinet floors, ceiling and furniture.  They are so small but travel in bunches; causing an infestation that cannot easily be controlled.  Likewise our world cannot deal with an infestation of sin.  One sin we may be able to handle, two of them we can deal with but a life full of it, it will go beyond our control.

Replacing God Exposes Us

Putting something in God’s place exposes every aspect of our lives to the enemy who slowly eats away at the foundation of everything we love, relationships, peace and our joy.  When we realize the damage our decisions have made, it may be too late.  Kaylee, like many of us, is face to face with hopelessness.  She is paralyzed by pain and disappointment.  Where does her world go next?

It was a sunny morning. All of my roommates were in their classes and I had been awake all night crying and hyperventilating from panic attacks. I had no sleep and in a couple hours, I had my fourth doctor’s appointment of the month. I was tired of living life in pain. I was tired of feeling helpless. I felt like I was an inconvenience to everyone. I felt like everyone hated me for being sick. I felt like people would be happy to see me gone. Even if they weren’t, I didn’t want to live another day hurting so I tried to take my life in August of 2014.

An unsuccessful suicide attempt resulted in being admitted to the Psych Ward. During my time there, I spent three days surrounded by murderers, drug addicts, and patients who were clinically insane. I looked at every person around me and noticed they were all missing something: hope. I had hope. I had options. I still had control. And I noticed it. I didn’t need years of therapy to have the will to get better.  Every night I cried over the verse Isaiah 40:31, reminding myself that I was created to soar, and not to be locked up.

When Kaylee was surrounded by those who had no hope, she finally saw the truth—she had hope and love waiting for her.  She realized that true hope wasn’t found in those around her but in God.  He had been calling her, loving her, embracing her even when she was rejecting him.  He refused to give up on her even when she gave up on herself and life.  He showed her what life without him really resembled.   It was exactly what Kaylee needed to make a complete turnaround.

I surrendered my addictions to God that night and within months I was out of the self-destructive relationship I had found myself in for 3 years. I remember the break-up like it was yesterday. He had taken me ring shopping and I went home that night and cried. I was graduating college in two days and all I could focus on was the fear that my boyfriend would propose to me that night. I realized in that moment something that would change everything moving forward: I didn’t have to settle for fear instead of pure joy.

I took him out to breakfast the morning after graduation. I explained to him that I never knew how wrong our relationship was until I feared the day he would propose to me.  I wished him the best.  It was hard. He cried.  He persisted.  I cried.  But this was, for the first time, where I felt like I could make my own choices. For the first time in years, I made a choice that was good for me.  I knew I did something that was pleasing to God, and it was the best high I ever had.  This made me very thankful for my addictive personality, because after experiencing the joy and will of God, I was sold.  I was all in.  I decided to let Him lead my life, and not the people and drugs that were binding me.

Nothing Compares to God’s Love

We need the love of another person but it cannot compare to the unconditional love, commitment and dedication of our God.  Where are you right now?  Maybe you are in a relationship with someone that is bringing you down.  Maybe you have allowed an addiction—of any kind—to control you.  Know this, that God can bring you out of any situation.  John 10:10 says,

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

What the enemy thought he destroyed by invading your life, God sees as an opportunity to show his glory. God can come in and restore what was destroyed.  He can give you back what was stolen and bring to life what was killed within you.  Nothing is impossible when God is allowed to be involved.

“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:31 says,

Weekly Challenge:

I would love for you to take the time and listen to the words of this song as a form of encouragement if you are going through the same hurt that Kaylee went through.  Also if you are struggling with deep issues and need professional help, we have a connection to Bedrock Counseling ministries.  Go to our “Contact Us” and at the bottom of the page is a number to call.  They have professional counselors who will help you through these painful times.  Follow us on facebook and instagram @throughthewinters.com.  We love you and appreciate you.

Kaylee

The Addictive Love

Have you ever been so paralyzed by the power of some kind of addiction where you were willing to do anything—in your mind—but could not go through with it in your actions?  The power of addiction is not what other people think.  It’s not mind over matter.  It has very little to do with will-power.  It is a stronghold, a bondage and prison that can’t easily be set free from.

Kaylee started telling us about her story last week, click to read.  She was going to come face to face with the chains of addiction.  Could she come out of it?

One week before college, I decided to surrender my addictions to God.  I sat alone in a gazebo while I was hiking, and realized all I have wanted this entire time is to not have control.  In my attempt to release control, I let other things control me that were killing me.  I began attending a Christian leadership college, and knew I needed to be clean.  Within the first few days, I met a guy.  We hit it off immediately, and I was certain he was “the one”.  He was a good, Christian man (so I thought) who also wanted to pursue ministry.  I thought it must be fate.  A month after we started dating, he introduced me to many firsts.

Suddenly I found myself moving from sobriety to addiction, yet again.  I tried drugs for the first time.  I gave myself to him for the first time.  For the first time, I couldn’t feel my pain.  Being high, made me feel numb.  It made me feel carefree.  The thought of pain was non-existent.  All I wanted to do was run and play and enjoy life outside.  There was nothing more important than experiencing that freedom.

If you read the beginning of Kaylee’s story you will see that she was the victim of rape.  This rape, along with emotional abuse, robbed her of her childhood.  The absence of pain, consequence, fear or restrictions was her way of experiencing her childhood again.  Is there an addiction you have that is fulfilling emptiness inside of you?

There is More to Addiction Than Just Substance

Don’t belittle addiction to substance abuse.  Addiction can be your need to get acceptance from others as well.  You can want and even feel the need to be accepted because rejection left emptiness in you.  Or maybe you are addicted to work because poverty has left an empty desire in you.  Maybe you are addicted to food because it’s the only thing that makes you feel comfort.  Still some are addicted to success because someone’s words left you believing that you would be a nothing.

Let me also say, addiction starts off with a payoff that gives you some form of relief to your inner hurt.  The addiction may help in forgetting some things, but when the payoff wears off the desire, hole, emptiness and need still remains.  Then worse, the person liked feeling the “high” but in order to achieve it again and for a longer time they need to consume the addiction in larger quantities—again this doesn’t have to be a substance.

If you have ever fallen prey to this kind of bondage, what are you using your addiction to fill?  What are you trying to get back?  What are you trying to forget?  Well while you think about it, let’s see what happened with Kaylee.

I finally felt loved when we had sex.  I felt important.  I felt sexy.  I felt worthy.  We were together for three years.  During those three years, I was still attending the Christian college.  My boyfriend dropped out.  I still attended chapels, and was in church seven days a week.  Without trying, I was investing in my relationship with God, and he was slowly changing my heart through each message, through each class, and through each discussion with my peers.  At the same time, I was smoking up to four times a day.  I was always high.  I had sex with my boyfriend without conviction.  I always justified my double standards with the idea that no one understood my life.  People didn’t understand the love I had for my boyfriend.  They didn’t understand the passion that we couldn’t fight.  They didn’t understand how good it felt to be high.  So, I discredited everything they said with the assumption that they did not understand.

Kaylee did what many have done when they are deep in their mess.  We are convinced that we are doing what we need and others don’t understand.  We discredit their views so that it gives us an excuse to keep going.  We feel they have never been where we are.  We think that they don’t love us because they are trying to remove what seems to be giving us life.  What we don’t realize is that our excuses just add bruises.  We hurt ourselves more when we rationalize placing our hope in something other than God.  Is there someone in your life that is trying to help you but you make excuses as to why their words are not ideal for your situation?  Kaylee’s dependence on her boyfriend was going to fail her.  What was she going to do next?

But then something in him changed.  He became angry.  He became cold.  He became aggressive.  I blamed myself.  I thought something must be wrong with me- and then I caught him.  My boyfriend was deeply addicted to pornography.  Every device I owned, every device he owned, he even used an old woman’s cable television to watch porn.  There were many times I walked in on him looking at it.  He would lie and say he had to use the restroom- just to go indulge in porn.  It was one of the most difficult seasons of my life.  I felt worthless, I felt cheap and I felt like no one could be satisfied with JUST me.  There was something that I didn’t offer, but porn did.  So I stayed with him.

When Love is Not Enough

Wounded souls seem to always be attracted to wounded souls.  Kaylee’s boyfriend was addicted to pornography while Kaylee was addicted to him and drugs.  She was not fulfilling his need as he was not fulfilling hers.  They were both wounded and they were trying to use each other to heal.  Kaylee felt hurt because she was not enough for her boyfriend, but years before she walked away from God because he was not enough for her.

Every time she walked in and discovered her boyfriend looking at porn, she felt hurt and cheated on—that’s exactly how God feels when we turn to our addictions for satisfaction.  God feels cheated when we don’t go to him to be satisfied, healed or comforted.  We would rather get out needs met artificially then allowing God to truly bring us healing that has no negative consequence.  This painful moment wounded Kaylee’s self-image even more.

Why would anyone else want me? This is the best I could have. I was damaged goods. I wasn’t pure. I was needy. I was addicted to drugs. I only knew how to be his girlfriend and had lost myself in the process.

I know there are many who are addicted to the idea of love.  You want love so bad that you are willing to sacrifice the most precious things in your life for it.  We sacrifice relationships with family members, friends, at times we even sacrifice a relationship with ourselves for the idea of love with no thought to the consequences.  How can true love be built on a cracked, addictive, unstable foundation?  One of the ways to build a real foundation for love is with your love for yourself and God.  If you can’t love the God called “Love” if you can’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you?  You place that person in a place they were never meant to be.  Building on a cracked foundation is like placing your loved one in the basement of your life and asking them to hold you up as everything starts to fall around them.  They will either try and hold you up and fail—maybe even get wounded trying in the process—or abandon you while your world comes crumbling down.

Take a Minute

Is there a part of you that is not whole?   Are you using something to fulfill you?  God wants to make you whole but if you won’t give him a chance then you are reduced to looking at others and other things for a false high and false satisfaction.  Today I want to encourage you to allow God to give you the true addictive love, a love that you can’t live without, a love that makes you complete and that gives you true freedom.

Weekly Challenge:

I would like to encourage you to read Jon 8:31-36.  In this verse it says that the truth will set you free.  Is there an area of your life that you are lying to yourself about?  Is there an area that you refuse to embrace the truth cause it would mean you would have get ride of those behaviors that you love.  What truth must you accept for freedom?

Also if you are struggling with deep issues and need professional help, we have a connection to Bedrock Counseling ministries.  Go to our “Contact Us” and at the bottom of the page is a number to call.  They have professional counselors who will help you through these painful times.  Follow us on Facebook and Instagram @throughthewinters.com.  We love you and appreciate you.

First I want to say thank you to those that reached out. We have been having some technical difficulties with the audio. We think we have fixed it. If there are any issues please continue to contact us.

Now, what past behavior has given you a name you would rather put behind you?  Maybe you are known as a thief, liar, betrayer, loser, failure, loose or something else.  You did things that deserve that title but now you are ready to put that title to rest.  You are changing your ways and no longer that person.  This Vlog is to help you see that you are not the only one that struggled with putting the old person to rest.  I pray this Vlog ministers to you.

Over the years we have met quite a few people who have stories that are so unbelievable and so inspiring that we want to use them here to help our readers.  The Bible says that Jesus is the resurrection and the Life, that He is the Way, the Truth and the Life.  We need a God that can give us life when we are dead inside.  But how do you come back to life when the world has snuffed it from you?  How do we move forward when the pain feels like too much and you feel like you can’t walk with God?

Kaylee was a young woman who purchased her ticket to death.  The inner child in her had been ripped away from her and she did not know how to live with that emptiness.  For the next 4 weeks Kaylee has agreed to so graciously share her testimony and is willing to bring us into her world.  In the month of February she will share how she lived a life of death, addiction and pain.  Her story will give anyone hope, but first we have to embark on her world of hopelessness.

Kaylee

Read Kaylee’s story

Buried Pain Never Stay Buried

I was 18. I was out on my own for the first time, and I could finally find release.  I grew up in a traditional, conservative home where I had strict rules – contributing to chores, having straight A’s, maintaining a healthy appearance, having a good reputation, keeping the family name, etc.  I saw these rules as non-negotiables and I placed a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect for my parents.  During my childhood I experienced abuse.  I experienced rape.  I experienced deep, emotional pain and night terrors that gave me insomnia for fourteen years.  I kept these events from my parents and society in order to maintain my reputation and family name.

Within one week of living away from home, I had moved to the city and lived with a friend.  The night I moved in, I went and got my first tattoo. It was my first declaration of independence.  Then I had my first alcoholic drink, my first night being drunk, my first one-night stand, and got three piercings.  I began spiraling out of control.  

One memory, in particular, comes to mind:  I was out with a friend celebrating my birthday.  It began with just a simple hookah session.  I loved going to the hookah lounge and chatting to catch up and celebrate my birthday.  Eventually I was bored, and we decided to go grab drinks. When we got to one of my favorite bars, I had consumed my drink, my friend’s drink, and then a fraternity came in (easily fifteen men) and bought me shots.  By the end of the night, I had consumed roughly 20 or more alcoholic beverages and shots.  

I didn’t ride home with my friend, but instead with a guy I once worked with who was at the lounge.  Not knowing him too well, he was basically a stranger to me. He drove me to his house and I had thrown up all over his car.  I woke up in the bathtub in clothes that weren’t mine covered in my own vomit. I looked at my phone and I had numerous text messages from guys I had never met or heard of.

Like many of us, Kaylee buried her pain.  There was a hole left in her after being abused, violated and robbed of the opportunity to live life in an emotionally healthy environment.  She wore a mask until she could not wear it any longer.

What mask are you wearing?  What have you covered yourself with to save face, to save your reputation?  Are you hiding you scars because you don’t want to embarrass a loved one?  Are you screaming silently for help?  Kaylee was, and no one heard her, so when she had the chance she silenced her pain with what she thought would make it all go away.

Silencing Your Pain

The bible tells a story of someone who kept silent about her violation.  2 Sam 13:1-22 Tamar, David’s daughter, was a beautiful girl who had a half brother who was in love with her in a lustful manner.  He sought advice from a cousin who gave him the idea to trap Tamar and seduce her.  Amnon (her brother), faked being sick and asked for her to be sent in to help take care of him.  It was there that he attacked her and raped her.  He, in his own sin, became so disgusted with her—after he got what he wanted—that he sent her away.  When Tamar’s father, David, found out, he did nothing to bring her justice.  When her older brother Absalom found out, he killed Amnon but told Tamar that she was never to speak of what happened again.  Tamar lived in silence with the hurt and pain of these actions.

Cruel events and tragedies like these hurt people in places that can’t be touched.  It is a wound that no ointment can fix.  It is an ever bleeding sore that doesn’t heal on its own and each victim deals with it differently.  Kaylee turned to addiction as do many of us in our own way.

Addiction is ugly.  It doesn’t play by the rules.  It lies to us and makes us think that it is there to make us feel better.  It’s there to serve us but before we know it we are serving our addiction. It could be anything.  Kaylee’s was substance abuse but what’s yours, is it food, acceptance from people, achievement…don’t limit addiction to the dirty stuff.  Don’t limit it to drinking, alcoholism, drugs or pornography.

Let’s go back and see where Kaylee’s “release” brought her…

A Hollow Release

They were messages saying how nice it was to meet me, commenting on how fun the night was, how exciting I was.  The problem was that I couldn’t think of a single memory where I had been with a man.  I stumbled into my friend’s bedroom and asked for a ride home.  I threw up with every step I took for the next 24 hours. When I made it home, I laid on my shower floor and eventually stumbled into my bedroom.  Minutes later, I fell asleep in my bath towel until the next morning.

I have never felt so hollow.  When I look back on these memories, I don’t want to ever remember them because of the way I felt that day.  I had literally diminished my worth to the point of abandoning my own well-being.  I had no control of my body.  I had no recollection of who I appeared to be, what I had done, or who I had been with.  To have complete strangers see you vomiting all over yourself, to hear the profanity spilling from my mouth, to see me offering myself to a man I had never met- I was humiliated.  I wanted nothing more than to be alone.  I wanted to shut myself off from everyone I knew.  I wanted to start over.  I never wanted to feel that way again.

How does someone like Kaylee come out of something like this?  How does God touch her wound and bring her to a place of wholeness?  Well we will see over the next three few weeks as she shares with us the rest of her story.

Weekly Challenge:

Has your need to hide something, (your past, your hurt) cause you to make decisions that led you down a darker path?  Take this week to really think about it.  Journal it and bring it before God.  Let God help you through this time.  If you feel comfortable, comment below or email us on the side for additional help.  Also if you are struggling with deep issues and need professional help, we have a connection to Bedrock Counseling ministries.  Go to our “Contact Us” and at the bottom of the page is a number to call.  They have professional counselors who will help you through these painful times.  Follow us on facebook and instagram @throughthewinters.com.  We love you and appreciate you.

Alejandra has been such a blessing to share for three weeks on new ways that we need to love ourselves.  Last week she talked about Lonely Love.  As we end out 30 day Love Yourself Challenge I wanted to introduce you to my daughter Rachel. She wrote a poem that she gave me the permission to share with you.  I pray you enjoy it.

Rachel Winters

I Am Beauty

 In past years I would tend to sink

Into a hole, wondering what does everyone else think.

I would listen to others judge me

Instead of listening to the Judge of me.

I would always feel some Higher love

From above,

But while my heart and soul felt that love my mind didn’t really know what it was, till one day it clicked,

Gods spirit inside of me started to tick,

And I finally saw the madness behind Satan’s magic trick,

That he had been playing on my brain.

I finally jumped on Satan’s crazy train ride

So that I could step inside

Where I needed to be which was with God. When I actually started to know Him, he handed me a whole new series of questions

That freed me from something I never knew I had which was depression.

 So here I am now still with struggles here and there,

But learning to listen to God when he says, “don’t give those things a care.” 

He says to me “You are my biggest diamond, my most prized possession

And if anyone tells you different let me teach them a lesson

Cause you’ve got a daddy who will beat them in a second.

You are my work of art and I love every little part.

I honestly couldn’t wait for your life to start

And put a beat inside your little heart.

Your heart is like a drum like music to my ears

The kind of music that brings me to tears,

The kind of music I want everyone to hear.

So why are you standing here when I gave you a spirit of love not fear.

When I say the word love I have you in my mind,

You are no one else’s but mine,

And no matter how hard you may try to run away from me,

I will try so much harder to get you back because you are my daughter.” So how does God see me?

Well apparently I’m the most valuable thing on this earth,

So valuable you can’t put a price on my worth.

I don’t wear beauty I am beauty and if anyone has a problem with it they can deal with my daddy. 

Rachel Winters

Alejandra Tash

I cannot believe that this is our fourth week of this Love Yourself Challenge! It has been a wild one, like who would’ve thought that the answer to my scars would be looking at them as though they were a mosaic piece of art, and that I can actually love the finished work of art! And who would think that having an Identity crisis would lead me to finding me, my purpose and lead me into destiny? The last week we learned that we needed to dream quietly, so that God can develop our dreams and visions? And today the last week, we’ll be talking about about “Lonely Love”, which is when you believe that in order to get to your destination, you may need to do it alone. Well for me, I am as stubborn as it gets. T.D. Jakes, one of my favorite preachers, says that you are only as good as the people around you, but what if you are walking this journey alone?

Why Am I So Lonely?

After God removed so many out of my life, I was afraid to let anyone else in for fear that they would leave me too. I was letting my past experiences dictate who would be in my future. If you’re like me, you experience great pain when he removes those people. Though I needed them to leave—because God had not called them to join me on this journey—it still hurt. And so, in many cases I felt lonely, and overwhelmed with lessons I was currently learning. I confess that it was–and is–still hard for me to be vulnerable. But in fact, again, I learned that Moses also went through a similar experience.  In Exodus 18: 14-18 we see that Moses’ father-in-law advises him on handling God’s people and their problems,

“What is this you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit as judge, while all these people stand around you from morning till evening?”

¹⁵ Moses answered him, “Because the people come to me to seek God’s will. ¹⁶ Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God’s decrees and instructions.”

¹⁷ Moses’ father-in-law replied, “What you are doing is not good. ¹⁸ You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone.

Moses thought that he could handle it all alone and this is the same misconception I had as well. After God removed so many from my life, it was so painful that I never wanted to rely on people again; and if I’m honest, I have to say this was all pride; I felt like I could do it all alone.  I don’t need anyone in order to fight for me or with me. And so I had mentioned to Marsha that I felt lonely, and she stated that it wasn’t because I was alone. It was because I was unwilling to accept the help that has been placed around me. Now how do I identify these individuals?

Who’s Going to Stand With Me?

I have to say that it isn’t hard to identify who should be with you in difficult times, because in my most difficult times I have learned that the ones I least expect are there. My husband is certainly one of them, but so are my TTW family who remain persistently there during times of heartache. You see when we are the most broken, this is when God will sent individuals to pinpoint those who are to walk you through life and mentor you in the process. If you’ve noticed I have written in many blogs and articles the advice that I have received from my husband, Marsha or by other truth bearers. But in the last couple weeks I have been going through heart wrenching emotions that I truly felt like Moses did in Exodus 17:11-13,

 As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. ¹² When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. ¹³ So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.

Those who are meant to be with you are those God sends your way in a storm or battle. No need to go campaigning for friends, God will sent them and when He does, you’ll know. The people God chose for you are not far away, we just need to believe that they are coming.  And it isn’t just one person; there were two people holding up Moses’ hands while Joshua was at the bottom fighting the battle. Moses had his hands up to God in worship and Aaron held his hand as well as Hur.  The weight of the battle was not just on Joshua or Moses, but it took everyone to have that victory.

You Are Never Alone

If Jesus had 12 disciples and three of them were his best of friends than why do we think we can do this alone? You and I cannot fight alone, we need as many people as God chooses to send us. And during this time where I was going through emotions that were over taking me, God sent so many! He sent word after word whenever I lost faith, whenever I was feeling doubtful, whenever I needed a boost to keep on fighting. The biggest lie I have believed is that I can do this faith walk alone. Just because God removed people, doesn’t mean that He wouldn’t place new ones for His purpose.

Now let me tell you, during the times alone is when the enemy had a field day with me. The Bible says that we are sheep amongst wolves, and though sheep do not have much power, indeed together they are stronger. The Bible has given us many relationships to look at to see the power of two: Elijah and Elisha, Moses and Jethro, Moses and Joshua. There are so many Bible verses who speak of the need of friends in our lives.  Here are some,

Proverbs 18:24

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Genesis 2:18

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Proverbs 27:17

    As Iron sharpens Iron, so one person sharpens another

Today we understood the importance of good friendships and how lonely it can feel when one pushes away those whom God has sent to us to be our safe place.

Let’s Pray,

Lord help us embrace the people you have sent to us, and help identify those whom you have put in our paths to help get to our destination. Lord take away any pain we may feel because of the one who have already left us, and help our hearts trust those whom you have entrusted our hearts to. In Jesus name we pray amen!

Weekly Challenge:

For the next 7 Days think about 7 things that keeps you from being vulnerable to others.  Why do you struggle with trusting others.  It could be for valid reasons but list them anyway.  It is an opportunity for God to speak to you and heal areas that may be hold you back from having that person by your side.

We have learned so far about being beautifully shattered and then we learned about how to find our calling and purpose through an identity crisis. Then we learned about loving ourselves by dreaming quietly and today we are learning about embracing those whom God has put in our lives to help us in our daily walk. I challenge you to really look around and see if there are people in your walk whom you are rejecting and are truly assigned to you for a purpose. Ask God to help you in this area and do your part to embrace those—not hurt those—whom God has given you. It has been such a pleasure to be with you all during this season and another LYC (Love Yourself Challenge). I am so grateful for you our faithful Through The Winters Family, and know that we are all praying for you.

Feel free to comment below or email us on the side for additional help.  Follow us on Facebook and Instagram @throughthewinters.com.

A Young  Foolish Dreamer

What do we do when we have a dream that surpasses all understanding?  When we walk with God he has the tendency of taking someone who has “loser” written all over them and making them into someone that defies the laws of success.  God, being God, is just as excited about our future identity that he shares tidbits with us.  What do we sometimes do with that info though?

Alejandra has done such a great job the last few weeks on this challenge.  Last week she talked about how an identity crisis maybe be what is needed in order to find our purpose, click to read. This week I would like to pick up where she left off and talk about learning to dream quietly. What does “dreaming quietly” mean? Maybe you’re wondering how one dreaming quietly and the Love Yourself Challenge go together?  Part of loving ourselves has a lot to do with how we handle the entrusted destiny God has given us.

If you are like Joseph from Genesis, and me, you may get really excited once you get a glimpse of where God is taking, so you open your mouth to the wrong person.  This was a lesson I needed to absorb as God was showing me things about myself.  I learned the hard way that not everyone has my best interest at heart when they hear where I believed God was taking me.  On more than one occasion God spoke something to me and I called friends and family members—not to gloat—but to have someone to celebrate with.  Sadly many time it turned around to them question how God was going to do things, why he choice me and question the weight of what I believed.

In Genesis 37 it talks about a 17 year old young man by the name of Joseph who was one of 11—10 older and 1 younger—boys to Jacob.  God gave him a dream that he was going to be given a great position of importance that his 11 brothers were going to be bowing down to him.  Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t know how many of you would share with your 10 older brothers that you had dream of them bowing to you, but again he was a teenager lacking a lot of wisdom.

Not only did Joseph lack wisdom but he had a death wish because God gave him a second dream and he went straight to his brothers again.  This time, in his dream his father and step-mother were bowing to him as well.   His brothers already hated him from the first dream but this second dream made them want to kill him.  Their jealousy and hatred for him could not be hid any longer.

Have you ever had a sibling, friend or co-worker scowl at a dream, or desire you had out of resentment or disbelief?  I know that my inability to dream quietly cause friction, jealousy and animosity of others towards me.  They mistook my excitement as boasting or conceit—I may have had both but I won’t admit that to them.

P.S. exposing our dreams too quickly to the wrong people just opens the door to unnecessary struggles.

To Share, or Not to Share?

Last week we spoke about how an identity crisis can guide you into your destiny. It can cause you to have an encounter with God where He, your creator, tells you what you were created for.  Over 18 years ago I remember when someone told me something and I didn’t believe them.  I can write about how other people wronged me by their unbelief but if I need to be real, I was on the other side of it at one point.  Let me tell you what happened.

Over 18 years ago, one early Sunday morning, my husband ,Sam and I were getting ready for church.  He was in the shower and soon called me to him.  He asked me how I would feel if our current church were to ask him to take the youth pastor’s position.  Now our church was going through some hard times because our senior pastor died unexpectedly and the loss caused the church to go through a lot of painful changes.  The church was about to embark on a split that would pin friend against friend.

The position of youth pastor had been held by his own youth pastor who had practically raised him.  This man had mentored hundreds of kids and created a name for himself–in the inner city of the Bronx–that would leave the next man always under the shadow of his success.  There was absolutely no indication that our church was looking at him as a replacement.  It may not be a big dream for some; however under the circumstances it was too farfetched and ridiculous that I could not help but question my husband’s view of himself. The idea doesn’t seem that farfetched now because of the road we took since.  I could not help but laugh at him and the whole idea then.

When I looked at him I could only see my young husband who was going to college for film media not pastoral care.  He loved God but marriage showed me that he was not mature in the things of God.  He struggled with very bad habits and had no solid devotional time, while I had two years of Bible College under my belt and a solid devotional life.  I dismissed him with a laugh in my spirit because I didn’t think that a church of almost 900 people would replace a youth pastor of over 15 years, with an inexperienced 22 year old—who didn’t even go to bible college.  I know that was mean and I was totally wrong, but I judged his ability by my standards not God’s.  I did not see what Sam saw or what God saw and I discouraged the thought.  I dismissed his dream because it wasn’t my own.

Others do the same thing, they hold you to their judgmental, finite standards and only value of you by their blurry lenses of your life.

Loving Yourself and Dreaming Quietly?

How does loving yourself and dreaming quietly, go hand in hand? Well there are a few reasons why God gives us a sneak peak into our destiny?

1. I believe that God does it so we don’t allow our current life circumstances to dictate to us where we are going. At times we are so discouraged because we hate the life we have.  We wake up in the morning and it’s the same thing over and over again, with no end in sight of the pain or hopelessness.  This glimpse gives us a push to live for the destiny and not settle for the present struggles.
2. When we love ourselves we are willing to remove whatever it is in our lives that keeps us from our destiny. When someone is called to be a soldier in the army, there is a different mentality that they take on.  They remove things in their life that would keep them from fighting in a war.  That is why they train at Boot Camp.  They completely remove themselves from family and friends so they can train without getting themselves entangled in the affairs of everyday life.  The structure of being a soldier would take longer if a recruit had to go home after a day of training.  When God gives you a dream to do something for him, we must be willing to remove things that will weaken or delay our destiny.  When Joseph was given those dreams, his arrogance and lack of wisdom caused him to be completely removed from his family through enslavement and imprisonment.  It was in those 13 years that God trained him and reshaped him so that he could be the man in his dreams.
3. When we learn to love ourselves we learn to fight any thoughts that contradict the person God is creating us to be. Those thoughts of insecurity, incompetence, inadequacy is swallowed up by the truth that with God, we are right where we need to be; also he orchestrated our steps and uses our failures to bring us to our dream.

When we love ourselves we dare to dream bigger.  Alejandra said she heard it said that we need to dream so big that without God it would be impossible. When we do this, we know, we would have to rely on him to make it come true.  But what is the result of dreaming big, so big it’s impossible…very few will believe it.  For this reason we must learn to dream quietly.

Weekly Challenge:

This week I would like for you to pick a dream and for the next 7 days pick one thing that you need to do to be ready for your dream whether it be humbling yourself, quietly reviewing where God is taking you, removing things or people that are delaying your dream.

If you need help, feel free to respond below or email us on the side for additional help.  Also follow us on Facebook or on Instagram @throughthewinters.

Alejandra Tash

Hi guys!!!  I love writing to you all, our faithful family, and I love how you interact with us.  Last week was our first, “Love Yourself Challenge”.  We reflected back a bit from last year and we spoke about being  “Beautifully Shattered” God uses our shattered pieces to put us on display.  Finally, we spoke about the wonderful story of Joseph from the Old Testament.  His story is profound and it has many lessons.  Joseph had dreams that didn’t make sense to him at the times.   

What if an Identity Crisis is what you need in order to realize who you are?    Today I want to talk about someone in the Bible whom I believe went through an Identity Crisis and needed an encounter with God to know who he was and who he was meant to be.

Who am I?

Moses is a person in the Bible that brings me lots of comfort in this area.  He was born a Jew but raised by Egyptians and escaped a genocide ordered by Pharaoh.  His mother made a small basket and placed it in the dangerous Nile River which delivered him to the house of Pharaoh’s daughter.  He was allowed to live as royalty, while his people were being abused and enslaved.  

Have you ever been blinded living like what you are not?  I did not live like royalty, but I did live defeated and in shame.  As long as I didn’t understand who I was, I could not help others out of their own bondage.  As long as I kept living in defeat, those who could benefit from my story would stay bound.  Click to read Exodus 2:11-14  

Moses was royalty but a peasant, he had power but was powerless, he was free but in bondage.  Moses reached a point in his life when he his outer garment, the place he lived in, the people surrounding him did not match up with his identity.  He could dress like an Egyptian but was born an Israelite.  What war could he have been fighting when he could not deny who he was any longer?  Well in Exodus you see that Moses inner struggle to find out who he was was taken out on the Egyptian he killed.

When an Identity Crisis Births a Deliverer

 I believe that this was a pivotal moment for Moses.  This was when he had his identity crisis. I believe that it was his deeper sense of destiny that caused him to defend this Hebrew.  I am not saying that Moses’ actions in murdering the Egyptian was correct, but he had an inner sense of duty that led him to defend his people, though indeed he went about it the wrong way.  Deep inside though, there was a deliverer, already in Moses.  Even though he did not know it yet, Moses was called to set his people free, but it wasn’t going to be done by using his own physical strength. 

When I became a Christian, I felt a sense of destiny, but like Moses, I pursued it in my own way.  Let me elaborate. Years ago, I met a young girl whom I felt drawn to.  I didn’t understand why, but she felt like a mirror image of me.  Feeling led to tell her my testimony, I shared my story with her and she cried as she told me her story of being raped by someone in her home.  I went home that night, and cried in a fetal position.  I knew from the moment I spoke with her, that I was called to help people who were in the same bondage.  I said to the Lord “I get it, I understand”.  I felt the need to rise up to the occasion, but the way I handled things was completely wrong.   Today my wrongful actions probably played a part in the girl and her family straying away from God; that is not easy to deal with. I needed God to teach me how to do this; I needed to be taught in the way He had planned for me.   

What destiny lies within you?  Is your destiny conflicting with the world you are living in?  Like Moses, something inside is calling you to be something different and it causes us to question our identity.  Maybe who you think you are is not who God is calling you to be.  Like you, I needed my own burning bush moment.  

That “Burning Bush” Moment! 

 I wasn’t raised a Christian and I lived a life of defeat.  I felt within me a desire to help people but didn’t know how to go about it.  The blueprints I would needed, was not yet in my possession yet. 

When the Lord saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, “Moses! Moses!” 

And Moses said, “Here I am.”  “Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” 6 Then he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.” At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God. 

The Lord said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey…  -Exodus 3:4-8 

God had seen the suffering of the people, and had chosen Moses to deliver the people.  Likewise, He has chosen you and me to help deliver those who have been in our shoes and who may be hurting, lost, suffering, rejected and abused.  How so?  God will help you find your courage and strength through your pain by providing for you your “Burning Bush” moment.  You just have to be willing to step up and investigate it more.  Moses saw the fire and recognized that this was no ordinary flame so he stepped up to it and investigate more.   

Marsha and I hadn’t met yet, and my pastor had her preach in our church. As she gave her testimony something in me couldn’t stop crying.  I had a scarf over my head the entire time and cried in deep anguish.  It was my very own crazy breakthrough. Her testimony was very similar to mine.  She went through extreme sexual molestation, so had I.  She went through extreme domestic violence by her father and I went through domestic violence with a previous boyfriend.  Marsha was, through God’s anointing, laying out my blueprint!  As she spoke of how God brought her through, I knew that what she was saying was holy, and that it was the moment that God was calling my name.  I had a need to introduce myself to her, and say “you are my mirror.”  From here on, our relationship flourished and the rest is history. 

Moses did not embrace the new identity right away, it took some time for him to accept his call.  How could the God of his father come to him and ask him to deliver over one million people?   What a burning bush experience he had though!   We all need to encounter a “Burning Bush” moment sometimes though.  It is one where God can tell us what we are called to do, how we are to do it, and why we need to face what we face.  These were the steps God led me towards while I learned how to love myself, and what God created me for.   

Are you paying attention and looking for Gods “Burning Bush” moment for yourself and are you willing to accept the new identity God has for you? 

 Let us pray, 

Today we have spoken about who we are through an identity crisis. We have spoken about pursuing our destiny the wrong way, and how to go about our destiny with God. I pray this was a blessing to you all and that God may expand your thinking through this article.  

Father, thank you.  We enter your gates with thanksgiving.  We pray God that you show us why and for what you have created us for. I pray that you give us the wisdom and the resources and the people in order to help us get to where we needed to be.  Lord forgive us if we have offended you in any way in how we have handled our calling.  Give us the desire and strength to serve you and others the way you intend for us to serve. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.  

Weekly Challenge:

Next week I challenge you to think about your identity, now that we have found that our past a part of who we are meant to help I want you to think about what the term “Quiet Love” would mean to you. Sometimes we can get ahead of ourselves and speak more than we should like our friend Joseph and his dreams. Can we love ourselves quietly? 

For the next 7 days write one or more things that you think is forming your identity.  Maybe it is a lie, where you live, your education; write it down.  If you know it is not something God wants to as a foundation, I want to encourage you to give it to God. If there is anything you need help please message us on the side or if you feel comfortable, comment below.   Follow us on Facebook or Instagram @throughthewinters.

Through the Winters – New Year, New Mind from Through the Winters on Vimeo.

Alejandra Tash

Hey y’all! I am so happy to be with you guys once more.  Happy NEW YEAR!!!!!  I can’t believe it is 2018!!  This is usually the time we start looking for some thing new.  What new things are you embarking on? I am in the midst of so many transitions in my life, and all of them are amazing. From transitioning into ministry full time and trusting God to fulfill all He said He would do, to watching Him be more faithful than ever in my life. Now enough about me!  I hope YOU, our faithful TTW family, are well.  I have enjoyed all of you and appreciate you guys so much.

Learning to Love Myself Once Again

How much more can we learn about loving ourselves?  In January of 2017, we met through my first blog, “Love Yourself Journey” and I was humbled by your responses.  I remember being super scared of letting you guys down with the content and, yet God still used it to help bring healing to many.  One full year after this article launched, I have learned so much more about loving myself and so, the Through the Winters team thought it would be prudent that I write what I have learned since then.  Allow me to give you all a breakdown of what the next couple weeks will look like.   We have chosen to title this month’s topic “Beautifully Shattered”, which will touch on areas like our scars and finding our identity as well as loneliness and the  company we keep!

The first time around we spoke on, the “Mirror of God’s Word” and spoke about seeing ourselves through it.  In God’s words we discovered not only the things that were hard for us to confront—like un-forgiveness and how ugly it can make us—but also the hatred we harbor towards others when we fail to forgive.  Now, if you are like me, you may have fought with God for a little bit (maybe a lot) and now wonder how in the world those scars can be beautiful pieces of art.  This is how “Beautifully Shattered”, was born. You went through the storms, you weathered the storm, you died to yourself and forgave those who wounded you and now you want to hide yours scars.  You can’t envision them as beautiful scars, so instead you see them as a painful time that you would rather not talk about.  I know because I’ve been there.

Can I Be Whole and Broken?

I remember in the first article I wrote concerning the “Love Yourself Challenge” where I said, “You need to understand that the anointing over your life is great, so you will NEVER belong, EVER!  You aren’t the missing piece of the puzzle, with God you are whole, and you don’t belong with all those other broken pieces.”

Can someone be broken and whole at the same time? Absolutely! I am a beautiful broken piece of art and the more broken I am the better I look. How so? You are a mosaic piece of art and according to dictionary a mosaic piece of art is exactly that; pieces of different substances and elements put together creating a unique and versatile piece of art.  I want you to close your eyes and envision how beautifully God has created you to be. All the different circumstances he used to put you together and create a very unique, different, and amazing you. No one in the world has your heart your scars or your testimony and this is why you are so amazingly put together.

“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.” – Revelation 12:11

 God wants to put you on display after all you’ve overcome. He won’t put you inside a closet.  I know my scars made me who I am, and without them I wouldn’t be as close to God as I am today.  He has loved me through trauma, abuse, forgiveness and put me back together when no one wanted me.  God brought me through the residue that comes from violent relationships.  He pieced me back together after depression and crying myself to sleep not wanting to live any longer.  He stitched me back together after feeling alone and defenseless and each time I was let down by friendships and/or leaders within the church.  God even helped me heal from my childhood scars of molestation and He can put YOU back together as well.  Today your battle might not be a need of healing from past scars it might be that you need deliverance from lies you believed and/or shame.  Satan loves to throw our past in our face in a shameful way, so that we would be embarrassed by it and hide it.  In Christ, our past makes us beautiful and strong not vulnerable and weak.

P E R S P E C T I V E

If you haven’t read the story of Joseph in the Bible, I encourage you to do so.  It helps to give us a different perspective from our circumstances that could otherwise have been seen as a complete catastrophe.

In the book of Genesis beginning in chapter 37, we see the story of a young boy named Joseph who had a sense of a greater destiny than what was in front of him. He was a young man who had dreams of greatness given to him by God, but yet was sold into slavery by none other than his own brothers. He went from being sheltered by his parents to the new world called Egypt. Here his God wasn’t praised, other gods were.  This was a complete change in atmosphere but soon after, Joseph received favor from a strong leaders in Egypt called Potifar.  Everything was looking up for him when suddenly he was faced with temptation, betrayal and slandered.  Joseph ends up in prison accused of a crime he did not commit.

While in prison, Joseph found favor again with those in charge. He remained in there for several years but God did not forget him. The Lord provided an opportunity for Joseph to minister to Pharaoh and it landed him a job as second in command !!! What kind of God do we serve?  But it wasn’t over. After 25 years from when his brothers sold him into slavery, Joseph came face to face with those who caused his series of turmoil.  All the land was hit with a famine and only Egypt, the land in which Joseph lived in had food.  Through a series of events and after forgiving them, Joseph helps his family and provides for them by having all of them come to live with him in Egypt. Joseph didn’t have to do that.  He could have allowed them to die but look at his response,

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” – Genesis 50:20

Can you look at your brokenness like that? Can you forgive the same hand that used a harsh hammer to shatter you into pieces?  Can you allow yourself to be put back together into an amazing mosaic piece of art? You see, Joseph went through a catastrophic experience, yet when he was face to face with his offenders, though he was angry, he eventually forgave them.  His love for them was bigger than the hurt and his sense of purpose was bigger than the pain.  Joseph realized that he went through this turmoil because God had a greater destiny ahead of him.

That’s perspective for you.  The biggest lie we can ever believe is that things were done to us and not for us. If Romans 8:28 is even remotely true, then everything we go through—everything that is done to us—is actually done for us; in the end it will work out for our good.

Let’s Pray.

Father, we enter your gates with thanksgiving and praise of who You are in our lives. Today we ask you to remind us of when we forget that all things will work for our good, that it is just a piece of the puzzle you will use to put us on display and bring healing to others. Father remind us of our great destiny in you and the purpose we have in you. Show us when we forget how beautifully and wonderfully and fearfully you have made us. Show us that even though we might be hurting now you will soon turn our ashes into beauty.  Remind us that our hurts aren’t meant to consume us but to enhance us. Father we ask you these things in the name of your son Jesus Christ our Lord and savior, the one in whom stripes we are healed. Amen.

Stay tuned, next week we will be talking more about this Loving Yourself Journey. Next week we want you to ponder on what will it take for you to realized who you are in God, and find your purpose. I challenge you to think: Can an Identity Crisis be a good thing?

Weekly Challenge:

For the next 7 days, I would love for you to think of 7 things in your life that you see as unwanted pieces of your life.  Maybe it was an experience, a failed moment, a disappointment, a season of hurt.  You can’t understand where it goes.  Bring one to God everyday and tell him what part of that keeps you from love yourself.

If you need help, please email us on the side or feel free to comment below.  We would love to hear from you.  Follow us on Facebook or Instagram @throughthewinters.

I want to take the time to say MERRY CHRISTMAS from all the Through the Winters family to all our readers.  I pray that those reading will be surrounded by loved ones and will be filled with hope and excitement for the new year. 

A Season of Death

Is this a happy time for everyone?  Sadly, not everyone will find this time full of warmth and safety.  There are a group of people that associate this season with loss and death.  Recently, a young lady in my youth group asked for prayer because her brother shot in himself, leaving behind 4 children.  In the last few years she has lost her mother due to a  fast growing cancer, her friend committed suicide and her grandmother died not too long after losing her mother. Now she is saddled with the pain of losing her brother this way.   Last year sorrow rocked my own house when I got a call from one of my young adults from my previous youth group.

One of the members of the youth group was going through so much mentally.  We heard that he was having a hard time.  My husband and I were so close to him while he was growing up.    Things started to change as he became an adult—where he was questioning the realness of God.   He went on his own journey to find God and the meaning of life.  He spoke of God and the things he found out but something in him decided he didn’t want to be here anymore.  Sadly my dear friend went to a hotel around Christmas of 2016 and he took his own life.  Even writing this is hard for me to believe that he’s gone.

How do you celebrate life when all you are surrounded with is death?  For the last three weeks we have been talking about the complexity and complication of bringing Jesus to a world so full of darkness and wickedness.  Click to read article 1 Light in the Darkness, article 2 Finding Elizabeth and article 3 The Pain of Betrayal.  When he finally came, his birth was not a reminder of life but was a time of death for some.

This story can be read in Matthew 2

Travel with me one more time over 2000 years ago where the roads were dusty, the houses were made of stone and hope was so much harder to hold on to.  The idea that our God could not live without us that he wrapped himself in human flesh–and allowed himself to be encased in his creation’s womb–is hard to fathom.  One pastor likened what Jesus did to a rich king who chooses to transform himself into a slug on the rock in someone’s backyard.  Jesus left his amazing home in heaven where everything was perfect and right—not just to live with us—but to be one of us, a mere slug.

Deathly Insecurity

After the birth of Jesus the news of this King of kings spread all over.  There were some that were excited about this life, while others could not find Jesus’ arrival a time to celebrate.  Herod Agrippa was a jealous, cruel, heartless leader that got wind of the arrival of this baby king.  Jesus’ life meant that Herod’s reign over the Jews could be threatened.  It had been hundreds of years since the Jews had a king and he was not about to allow some so called King come and take away his reign.  Maybe he was just making a big deal out of nothing.

It was his luck that some leaders from different nationalities (wisemen) were passing through on their way to see this child.  Somehow they had heard about this child and was going to see him and give him homage.  They had elaborate gifts of all sorts; this just confirmed the rumors of this child.  Let’s just play along, Herod must have thought.  Let me pretend to be as excited of his birth just so I can find him and kill him. 

“Where is this baby born?” He asked.

“In Bethlehem of Judea, for so it is written by the prophet:

⁶ “‘And you, O Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for from you shall come a ruler
who will shepherd my people Israel.’”

Herod motioned for his people to look into where in Bethlehem this child could have been born.  Then he lied and said,

“Go and search diligently for the child, and when you have found him, bring me word, that I too may come and worship him.”

The wise men, who lived up to their name and did not return to Herod.  They felt that Herod’s excitement was not genuine.  When Herod realized that he was fooled, he was so angry.  He could not let this King come to take his throne away from him.  He had to do something.  He was so bent on his pride, anger and ultimate fear.

His paranoia was so desperate that he decreed that all children from birth to two years old to be killed.  God knew the heart of this wicked man that he appeared to Joseph a second time.  This time he needed Joseph to protect His one and only Son.  He woke up Joseph and said, “Rise, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt, and remain there until I tell you, for Herod is about to search for the child, to destroy him.”  God chose Joseph for a reason.  Joseph could be trusted even though this child was not his own see article 3 .

As God was saving his only son, several families were losing their sons to preserve the life of the Light of the World,  and keep the complicated promise alive.

A Hard Question

How does someone resolve in their mind that God allowed a dozen and a half families in a whole town to lose their children?  You see the birth of Jesus was not a time of joy, rejoicing and excitement for everyone.  For years to come the time of Jesus’ birth was not a time of gift giving, singing or warm reflections; it was a time of a painful reminder of the wickedness, hopelessness, and lifelessness this world offered.  Why does God allow such wickedness?  Why does he allow death to be showed on others while protecting others?  Is this truly fair?

If I tried to explain our God and his ways I would not do it justice.  I could spew out nonsense that doesn’t give hope but would just raises more questions.  So let me tell you what I know no matter what the circumstances are.

1. God is good even when my world is falling apart.  God did not cause the dark wickedness, it was the very reason why he was coming.  He came as the light so that we can see traps, ditches and pitfalls.  It is actions like Herod’s that made God say, I need to leave my throne and wrap myself in this flesh and be a slug in this unforgiving world.  The arrival of our savior caused a war in the spiritual world.  A light was shone and when a light is turned on in a place that was in the dark for so long, things grow and live.   God needed to come because man would rather hold on to the lies of this world than the truth of his love.  Jesus rescuing us from ourselves and eternal destruction was not easily and despite it all, there were casualties.
2. The enemy wants to distract us with death so we won’t embrace life. Herod knew this King was going to take his place someday.  If he was not convinced of this than he wouldn’t have gone after him.  Satan knows that God is going to take control and dethrone him so he raises havoc in our lives to keep us blinded to God’s goodness.  When Jesus comes into our lives then the enemy turns up the heat to distract us from his entry.  He goes after things that mean a lot to us so that we can question God and his ways.  Don’t be fooled that Satan plays fair.
3. We must live without answers. Faith is not faith without having unanswered questions.  Sometimes we can’t see ourselves living our lives with God if he doesn’t answer the “why” questions.  Do we have real faith when all of our questions are answered?  God’s ways and thoughts are so much higher than ours and when we are crippled with hurt, blinded by pain and consumed by our own will, than we can’t even see God’s hand.  We can’t see the war going on, we just see how God failed us.

Weekly Challenge:

As we end our year I would love for you to listen to this message by Robert Morris called, “Under Attack”.  It is such a good message about looking at perspective and seeing how the enemy tries to come in.

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The Bitter Taste of Betrayal

Have you ever felt the sting of betrayal?  Have you ever experienced your world being crushed by the deception of a loved one, a friend or a significant other?  Well one man did.  He was a young man who, like many men during his time, was preparing his home for his new bride and hopefully for their brood of children.  If he was like every other young groom, he might have been wondering if he could truly handle the pressure of taking care of a family as his father had with him.  He was in love with his bride and was ready for their new life together.  Surprisingly she has asked to see him after being gone for sometime.  Did she want to call it off, did she not love him, did she want to postpone?

This story can be found in Matthew 1:18-24

When he saw her he could tell that she was conflicted but more beautiful then he remembered.  His bride-to-be looked a little different physically though.  He hadn’t seen her in over three months and the change was remarkable.  She was glowing and radiant.  Her skin was perfect, her eyes were glowing and she had a sense of joy and peace that could not be denied.  Even with all that, he could tell that she had news.  If I had to imagine what the conversation was like I would think it went something like this…

“Joseph, I wanted to talk to you because three months ago I was visited by an angel.”

“What!  Are you sure it was an angel?”

“Yes and it was beautiful” she said excitedly.  “He said his name was Gabriel and he was magnificent.  He said that the Messiah was on his way.”

“What?  Are you sure?” He said confused.

“Yes.”  She pauses then looks in his before saying,  “The angel said he was coming as a baby and that I was to be His mother.  Joseph, I’m pregnant.”

I Just Can’t Do This

Everything stopped.  It was like an explosion went off and everything was muffled, “What do you mean pregnant?”

“The angel said that I was pregnant with the Son of God and that His name was to be called Jesus.”

He sits in silence as he tries to take in the words that his fiancée just said, she was pregnant.

“I know that this is hard to comprehend but the angel also said to me that my cousin Elizabeth, who is passed childbearing years, was pregnant as well.  Joseph when I went to see her, she was.  It was as the angel had said.”  She continued with her excitement.

“So this happened three months ago?   So are you telling me that you are three months pregnant right now?” He was not as excited as she was.  She nodded, yes.

I am sure that this news hit him hard.  She wasn’t calling it off, nor was she saying that she didn’t love him but it was almost better if she had.  Did he really hear what he heard?  How in the world was he supposed to resolve in his heart that his brand new bride-to-be was pregnant and on top of that, saying that the baby inside of her was God’s baby?  Was she really expecting him to believe that an angel of the Lord came to her in a vision and told her that she was pregnant even though she hadn’t been with a man?  This was ridiculous!

Joseph was battling with the news that his soon-to-be bride was with child and that it wasn’t his.  She randomly took a trip to her cousins and stayed there for three months.  She claimed she was pregnant before she left for the visit.  How in the world was he going to explain this to his family and friends? Why was all this happening?  He explained that didn’t know if he could marry her.  He would need to think about his next move.

Has life ever sideswiped you?  You thought you were in control of the direction that your life was going in when all of a sudden you’re faced with news that changes everything.  The sudden news that is dropped on your lap, the betrayal from someone close, the unexpected responsibility you never asked for.  Whatever the cause, something has changed your plans for life.

You and I know that Mary wasn’t lying but Joseph didn’t.  Had any of us been in his shoes we would not believe her as well.  He had a plan to begin a life and family with Mary and here he is faced with a dilemma that could cost the woman he loved her life.  It’s not fair to rob from him the emotions that he experienced in hearing this news.  Have you been here?  You’re doing everything right and have done it all in line with God’s word, but then a curve ball is thrown at you.  Now, to be clear, we aren’t talking about placing your self in a situation and expecting God to make it right.  This isn’t about doing what we want and expecting God to make it right.  This is about you following His ways and still finding roadblocks along the way.

To our knowledge Joseph had not been told about God’s plan the way Mary had.   This was not the first time that a bride was found to be unfaithful.  It’s rare, but it did happen and the consequences were unfavorable.  There have been men so hurt and embarrassed by their betrothed’s unfaithfulness that they are dragged them out in front of the community exposed, so those around would stone them; pelt the unfaithful bride till she lays lifeless in the streets.

Could he really do this to Mary?  Joseph’s visitation was possibly postponed so that we (the reader) could see what kind of man he was and how much he loved Mary.  He knew what she deserved but he was not going to go that route.  As hurt as he was, he couldn’t do that.  He would just give her papers of divorce setting her free from their agreement of marriage.  This was not what he was expecting but at least this would save her life and the life of her child.

Have you ever been in a position like Joseph where by your word you could hurt the person who hurt you?  Joseph made the decision to protect Mary even though the law of the land would favor his side.  Instead he made a choice based on his heart and not on his emotion.  Wouldn’t have been easier if God just told him what was going on?  Why put Joseph through all this?  God was testing his heart.  We have the same choices to make even for those that have offended us.  We can expose them and give them what they deserve or we can give them kindness and love that they have not earned.

Like we’ve said in the last few weeks, the plans of God are not always free of hurt, pain or complication.  God could have done it differently and gone to Joseph first and told him what was going to happen to free him from those moments of heartbreak.  But He didn’t do that.  He let it play out in that way because, as the readers, we get to see the character of one chosen by God to father the Son of God.

You Don’t See the End of the Story

Our seasons of complications bring out who we really are.  Will we decide to be good to others and do what is right before seeing what God is doing?  See we take for granted the fact that we know the beginning and end of this story.  We know the angel came to Joseph eventually and that he is going to take her as his wife despite his dilemma.  Joseph didn’t know the end as he lived through his experience, and likewise we won’t know the end of our situations but the test is on if we still choose to do what is right before God while we are in it.  You see you don’t know the end of your story.  You don’t know how God is really going to work the hurt for His glory.  It may not be as complex as Joseph’s and Mary’s story but we can all relate to the feelings of betrayal, hurt, disappointment and anger.

I liken a time like this to being in a strange place and it being pitch black.  Can you imagine what it would be like to be in complete darkness and having to maneuver yourself through different things?  You may hit your knee, stub your toe, walk into something but it’s only because you are in the dark.  Well Joseph was not left to wonder what he needed to do for long.  Not long after he made the choice to protect Mary by giving her divorce papers quietly, God showed up and gives him guidance.

“Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins…Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,
and they shall call his name Immanuel” –Matt. 1:20-21

Bringing Jesus into the world stirred up Joseph and Mary world but God did not leave them alone.  He came through for them and if there are things going on in your life that are causing you to feel like you don’t know which way to turn, He will shine the light on you as well.  But, remember both Mary and Joseph had found favor with God.  They both followed his ways and were people of character according to God’s Word.  If you desire God’s full protection, you have to be willing to listen to Him and follow His direction.

Send out your light and your truth;
let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy hill
and to your dwelling!
⁴ Then I will go to the altar of God,
to God my exceeding joy,
and I will praise you with the lyre,
O God, my God. (Psalms 43:3-4 ESV)

Weekly Challenge:

As long as you are still alive, your story is not over.  Take the time to think about your story.  Where has there been betrayal, hurt or pain.  Pretend you are God, how would you finish your story?

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