Your Heart Takes Notes

When God calls you to help people, is it possible to be there for others without getting hurt yourself?  When you are in a position where you love people and have chosen to dedicate your life to them, the pain of their wrong choices can be hard to watch.  With all that I know from 20 or so years of serving people with emotional issues, why on earth would we start Through the Winters, a ministry geared to helping the hurting and lost?  For me, I know that I’m just setting myself up for more heartache and disappointment.  However, when your heart beats for God, it also beats for people so you become willing to ignore the pain and go for what gives you life. Helping people gives me life.  It reminds me of why I am here.

Not too long ago, I almost lost that desire.  I felt pushed to the limit and what I loved being for others became more of a burden then a blessing.  There was a moment in my life where I was bitter and had given up on seeking ways to help people.  I was tired of having the best intentions for others just to have them spit back in my face when they didn’t like something I said or did. Those I helped, treated me like garbage while they honored the ones who hurt them.  I wanted out of this calling I had over my life; as I felt my heart hardening to the idea of allowing one more person into my life just for them to turn on me.  I started refusing to sacrifice any more of myself.  Some who I made myself available to thought nothing about my life and time, and they soon became selfish and self-centered—where they cared less about the fact that I had a family and a life outside of the church.

Why does true love believe the best?  I found that out when one young man in particular sent me on a wave of emotions. I met him when he was just 17 years old.  He was the guitarist in the new church that Sam and I had newly moved to.  He was described by some as cocky and sassy—still he and I became fast buddies as the time went on.  I grew to love him so much and his personality didn’t intimidate me.  He reminded me so much of my little brother.  Within a short period of time I began to see that Vincent was made for so much more than even he could imagine.  I knew that God was going to use him to lead worship in front of thousands of people, but there were some things about him that needed to change first.  Patience, for as long as I’ve known him, was never one of his strong suits.  He figured that 3 days was a long enough test for patience and that by day 4 whatever he was waiting for should come.  He battled with being impulsive and arrogant and sadly he would find out about that later.

The Pain of Believing

As I mentored him, he started to believe that he really was going to minister to thousands, but how?  That was his constant burning question.  “How was God going to do it and when?”  I talked to him about the different things he needed to change and the mentality that he needed to have.  He was going to lose what God had for him if he did not let go of his way of getting that dream to come to pass.  Along with his pursuit of his dream, he also soon became driven to find that special someone who would join him on his journey.  If God was not ready to give him his ministry then maybe God was ready to give him the woman that would be his wife.

He figured that he was ready to meet the one who would be his wife but in no time at all, it became an obsession to find her.  He asked me if I thought that God would give him a wife and I knew in my heart that there was someone that God had made just for him.  I knew that there was a woman who was picked to help in his endeavor of leading worship; along with the how and when, there was now just the question of who?  It wasn’t too long after he had returned from his one year trip to Australia to study at Hillsong Church that he and I found ourselves butting heads. We found ourselves arguing bitterly with each other and eventually Vincent admitted that my simple way of believing in God seemed to only work for me and not for others.

I don’t know if there is anyone reading this that may have a love one in who you are trying to help and you just want them to hold on a little more, but what you say to them, even though it’s true, is easier said than done?  There are those we are trying to help and being on the outside looking in, we can see the mistakes they are making to make their situation worse than what it is. Maybe you want to shake common sense in them, maybe you want them to hold on, push on, fight harder, look pass their distraction and hold to the truth that change can come when they do something different.

Vin, later apologized, but his actions changed our friendship.  His “sorry” didn’t change the fact that he was angry at life and soon he felt that it was time to leave our church and go somewhere else.  It was bittersweet as I watched him leave to go to a bigger church that could help him achieve in becoming the man I knew God was calling him to be.  Sadly, he was one of many that became so frustrated with their lives and my relationships with some of them as well, were ruined as I could not give them what they wanted from me.  They were angry at God for the why and their need for answers now.  I found myself in a place of aggravation and that’s when my heart started hardening towards them and anyone else that came along.

1. I knew that my hardening heart had started with Vin because I was angry with him for holding me responsible for God not giving him what he wanted when he wanted it.  My love for Vin was as real as it could get and I knew he loved me too but the hurt that I was having was more than I could take anymore.  I was regretting ever sharing with him what I felt he was going to be.  I thought that maybe I shouldn’t have given him hope to be greater than what he was.  Maybe I should have discouraged his desire for a wife, but my job has always been to see the destiny God has for someone and love them as they got there.I want to be by everyone’s side; however, the truth is, I don’t always get that reward.  Sometimes the impatience and the frustration of life’s challenges leave them resentful and bitter.  I wondered if I would ever see my friend as the man, I knew he could be.Practical Thinking

   1. Hurting people may want things from you that only God can give.  Know your role and don’t fall into their desire to make yourself into God.  They need you to keep pointing them to Jesus and not take the place of Jesus.

   2. Your view of God may not be seen the same to someone in a hard situation.  Be sympathetic and patient if they don’t see your view of God.  Those you are mentoring are trying to get to that next level and you have to let yourself off the hook if they don’t see it.

   3. Don’t move from the place of hope.  If our loved ones has lost hope; keep believing that they will find it.  Don’t give up till they find it.

   
   

Was it Over?

He and I talked and addressed the hurt we both had, but the day God restored us was when I was asked to go to speak at his new church.  I shared my story with the congregation, so the atmosphere was thick with emotion.  Just before the altar call the band came back up onstage and began playing in the background.  Just behind me was the guitarist and it was Vin.  Sometimes you feel like everything you have been saying to your loved ones is falling on deaf ears and nothing is getting through, but as he played, my heart was filled with joy and excitement.  I cried through the altar call, and many thought it was from sharing, but I was battling with where God had brought me from and the magical melody being played by Vincent.  When it was all over and I was meeting people and talking, he pushed past everyone else to give me a hug and whispered, “I’m proud of you.”

My friendship with Vincent was not free of our conflict and disagreements, but now almost 14 years later Vincent is getting a taste of his dream as one of the guitarists at James River Church. He has played in front of thousands and witnessed the hand of God do all that was promised. And even though he has written songs, played in front of thousands and thousands of people, the best thing that God gave him was his brand new wife Kaylee.

Vincent is one of the few who made it out of those dark seasons of doubt and fear to become who God has called him to be.  Yes, I can write about being hurt, being angry and wanting to give up because of the pain of mentoring, but nothing has warmed my heart more than the moment I look in the face of that person who made it out.  They defeated doubt and fear.  They fell but got back up.  They talked themselves into continuing their hope in God.  It makes every tear, every prayer, and every fight worth it.

As we come to a close I would like to encourage you never to give up on those you are praying for.  Yes, it may hurt but sometimes the pain you feel is showing how much you care.  Who said being there for people was not supposed to hurt?  (I’m writing this to myself as well because these thoughts are never completely gone.)

If you are in need of additional assistance, please comment below or email us on the side at thruthtewinters@gmail.com.  We would love to hear from you.