It’s Perfect For Me!

How do some see perfection in something that is so imperfect?   March of 2006 my husband felt in his heart that it was time to leave the hustle and bustle of the inner city and move to the countryside of Long Island. God led him to a church an hour and a half away from where we were living at the time. He met the lead pastor, Pastor Dominick, and had an interview for the next youth pastor. Sam was so excited about the interview. He came back and told me everything concerning the church, the school they had and the beautiful piece of property we could possibly be moving to. There was one catch, I would find out when I got there… Sometime in June Sam, our two oldest children—Joey, who was five at the time, and Rachel, who was two—and I went to visit this possible new church. After the meeting, Dominick gave us a tour around the property that was on eight acres of land. It had a pre-school and an elementary school and playground that they would have access to. There was just so much space for the kids to play. 

What could possibly be the catch to moving?  The last thing he showed us was the house we would live in if we were to take the position. It had been vacant for months. It was a two bedroom house made for a single person. The house was so small that it barely looked like it could hold all of us from the outside. My husband was 6’5” and Dominick was almost 6’3” and the ceilings were very low—there is even one part of our kitchen that came down to my husband’s neck. He turned on the lights and for a minute I didn’t know what to think. There was a bit of a smell, it was a little dusty, the carpet had stains that couldn’t come out, but the house was bigger than it looked from the outside. 

Dominick’s face showed that he was not happy with what he had to offer, but it was all they had. Sam and I walked around and the kids ran to their possible bedroom which was huge, overall. It was clear that this was the catch. 

“I know it is small but this is all that we have.” 

I looked around at what they had and with joy in my heart, I said, “We will take it! It’s perfect.” Was it perfect for everyone? No way. But it was perfect for me and my family. I knew this “little house on the prairie” had potential. All it needed was some loving people to bring it to life.

God Will Never…Reject You…

Have you ever felt ashamed to offer the best you had just for it to be rejected and criticized?  I understood where Dominick was coming from when you are offering something that is your best but could be easily rejected. When I was eleven years old I knew that I was not going to make it much longer if I did not give my heart to the Lord. The Lord was chasing after me since I was very young but I felt like doing things my way; shortly after, I finally hit rock bottom.  I indulged in sin and it had a grip on me like a pit bull on a pork bone. I would spit out insults and vulgarities to anyone who could hear. 

How did an 11-year-old hit rock bottom?  Well about a year before I gave my heart to God, Child Protective Services came into my home after my father beat me up in school. I got into a fight with another schoolmate and my father was called for a meeting. In the meeting, the teacher rattled off all the disrespectful things I had done to several teachers in the school. With every offense, my father grew angrier until he could not hold it in anymore. He proceeded to slap me in my face and eventually beat me up in the middle of school. He took off his belt and proceeded to whip me until I eventually grabbed the belt and refused to let go.  Since I refused to let go he threw me on the floor and started stepping in my face with his dirty shoes and in my chest in order to pry the belt from my hands.  

Somehow I finally let go and proceeded to run down the hall begging for someone to help me.  The authorities were called and my father was contained, a threat was given to my parents. They were not allowed to put their hands on me for a least a year and this gave me a break from all the beatings.  

…Because Our Imperfections are Perfect

God took the opportunity to speak to my heart.   “Marsha you are not going to make it through the year without me.” He told me that when I gave my life to God the abuse was not going to stop right away but that He would be there by my side. I wanted to surrender, but didn’t he see the things that I had done?  Why would he want me when I was so flawed? He had to want something more from me.  Yes, He wanted something from me. He wanted my vacant heart. Like Dominick, I felt like what I had to offer was not worthy. I offered my heart but I told him it was dark, cold, broken and most of all, way too small for Him to fit in. Before I could explain why His occupancy would not work He said, “It’s just perfect.” Like I said my new home would be perfect.  God, like me, could care less about the size, the dirt, the darkness or even the coldness of my heart. 

If he doesn’t reject it then what next?  All God wanted was a vacancy. God knew that he could do anything with the little I had to offer. He was going to clean out my dirt, His warmth would bring comfort to a cold place, he brought to light in the dark spots. Most of all Jesus has the habit of taking the small meaningless things and making them significant. He turned water into wine, He turned dirt into a healing balm for the blind. 

But one amazing story found in each of the gospels is the day Jesus fed over 5,000 men, not including their families. The disciples wanted to dismiss everyone that had been following them so that the people could eat. Jesus told the disciples that they should feed them instead of just sending them home. Their response was John 6:9 (NIV),

“Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?”

This little boy had a small lunch and it was this lunch that Jesus thought was perfect to feed over 5,000 people. Jesus could have asked His disciples to find something better because He had a reputation to uphold, but instead, He showed what kind of God He was by taking anything given to Him and making it amazing.  He can do the same thing with you.  God will never lie to us God will never lie to us about how much he loves us.  He will never leave us when we need him the most and He will never change no matter how much this world changes.

Weekly Challenge:

Are you like me – do you ever look at what you have to give God and believe that it’s not good enough? Are you questioning why God can’t use you? Is your inner image of God flawed?   Give God what you have, don’t talk yourself out of it. Stop telling God what His limits are. He doesn’t care about the accommodations of your heart…he just wants a vacancy. He doesn’t want to visit you, he wants to live in you. Take some time to write down your thoughts, why you’re holding back from letting God take residence in your heart? If you need help with that please contact us by emailing us at thruthewinters@gmail.com

Also if you would like to hear more about my testimony read my book, “The Threshing: A Weapon Forged by Fire.” Sign up here to read the first three chapters for free! You can also buy the full book on Amazon!