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Entry13-I Feel Useless

Dear Marsha,

When someone tells you that “God made you and that he values you” and “You have depression”, you don’t see any of what is really happening.  Because you’re wondering if God made me and values me, why doesn’t my brain work right?  I feel like a computer.  Sleek, shiny and new with all the bells and whistles and yet I was given a malfunctioning chip so I’m useless.  How can I value myself if my brain isn’t a normal brain?  How come everyone is blessed with things that I don’t have?  It’s pretty much because I have a dysfunctional brain.  So, God keeps things from me because I have a stupid brain.  It’s so useless, and I’m the lucky one to have it.  No matter how much I try, or wish, or pray, I just can’t think differently.  I just want to be happy……. but I don’t think God has destined me for great things.  I’m sorry.  That’s just how I feel.

-Miss Misery

Stop and Really Look

Dear Miss. Misery

I can understand that it is hard to see your value when depression tries to rob it from you.  First, I want to say to you,  just because you allowed me to publish this…depression is not always something that passes over time.  There are times, where prayer can relieve us of from this debilitating disorder, and then there are times when we need help in the natural as well and we have to turn to the medical field for help.  You, I know, have been diagnosed with depression, and have been given medical aid to help you.  In your case this is not just a feeling you are having but a condition you are fighting with.

Secondly, you are not useless.  I know that you reading this today, may not help your tomorrow, but it needs to be said.  You said, “everyone is blessed with things that I don’t have…”.  Why do you think that God would give someone else something that you could never attain?  One of the things that I said before is, maybe you and I, have blessings that we are not able to see.  Can we see the love that surrounds us?  Can we see the relationships at our fingertips?  Do we see the talents we possess?  Do we see the riches we have obtained?  Do we see the progress we make?  Do we even see God’s hand on our lives, his protection, his grace and mercy?  I can say with assurance that since we spend more time comparing ourselves to others—instead of celebrating others—we just see what we don’t have, not what we are blessed with at times.  I know if I were to sit with you, you could tell me many things that I have that you don’t, but I can easily point out things that you have I wish I had.  The absence of what you desire is not because you think differently than others, but I believe that it is because of your thinking that causes you to overlook your blessings.  I also believe it is why you may not have taken advantage of blessings you have.

So, I want you to think, “Is God really keeping things from you or are you walking over them because they don’t look like what you want?”  How you think of God mirrors how you interpret your hard moments.  If you believe that you are struggling to get what rightly belongs to you, means that you don’t think he is as loving as you think.  Would any loving parent hold back something you need?

Maybe I am wrong but it sounds like you want to give up.  If I am right, what does giving up look like for you?

-Marsha