Out With the Old…

If you were finally walking in your destiny, would you be forced to address your past?  I have been raised in the church since I was six years old.  The first impression I received from those who taught me was that when we bring Jesus into our lives, we are free from our choices before, everything old is made new, so everything is under the blood.  These beliefs aren’t just said to little children though.   Many new believers are told this as well, and those struggling with their past lives, it is not easy to just shove the old person under the rug.   These struggles cause many who are haunted by their past to feel as if they do not have enough faith, or that they do not believe that they are made new?  

For the last three weeks, One Hot Mess (OHM for short) has been sharing her story of insecurity and promiscuity.   She was a beautiful young woman who was ready for what God had for her.  She went away for four years to a Christian program where she was able to get a stronger hold on God.  While at this program, OHM fell in love with her very first Christian boyfriend who ultimately became her husband.  Was her past of promiscuity, fear, and sin behind her now that she held her credentials and was living happily ever after?   Let One Hot Mess tell the next chapter in her life. 

But Wait, There’s More

My story doesn’t end at my completely different life with an awesome husband and history-making ministry credentials.  As beautiful as my new life was, I didn’t realize that the issues from my past had only been cleaned up on the surface.  I didn’t know that a huge part of my healing wouldn’t begin until way after the honeymoon.  I will continue that part of my story next week. 

When I couldn’t see God in the hurtful circumstances of my life,  I gave up on God prematurely.  I made choices that I thought would make my life better, but they were self-destructive, and I made my life more of a mess.  However, with all of the mistakes I made, God still loved me.  When I decided to put my trust in Him, He honored that, and He gave me a clean slate, a new chance at life.  Sometimes when we can’t see God, we put our trust in things that fail us — ourselves, other people, even money, and success. Those things lead us astray from the things we really want, the things that only God can give us — peace, joy, and love that aren’t dependent on our circumstances or failures. Thankfully, God still loves us and knows and wants what’s best for us. Because Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead to defeat sin and death forever, we have the opportunity to ask God for forgiveness for the mess we make when we try to do things our way, and He is more than happy to rescue us because He always loves us. No matter how messy we are, if we believe that Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead, and if we confess our failures, put our trust in Him, and commit to learning how to do life with Him, Jesus will forgive us and come through for us. I am living proof that God loves you no matter where you have been or what you have done, and He can change your life.

Before I go on, I also want to encourage parents to never stop praying for and talking with your kids. Be honest with them about where you fall short and where your own choices have taken you. I wish my mom had been more open about some of the things she went through at my age so that I could have been more open with her as I went through my hardships and the consequences of my actions. Most of all set a godly example with your own life that will not confuse your children when they go through hard times.

A Blast from the Past

To begin this week’s blog, I have to fill in some gaps from last week. I had always assumed that because I forgave the boys I slept with in high school, I wouldn’t have the pain from those encounters anymore. During one summer break from ministry college, however, I realized I was not only still hurting, I was terrified of running into the guys from my past. I lived and attended church in the same town in which I attended high school. It was a smaller town, and there was only one public high school for residents to attend so the possibility of seeing former classmates post-graduation was extremely high. At the time I had started dating my husband, Jackson. He was my first and only Christian boyfriend, he loved me and my family, and we had committed to honor God with our relationship. He also knew that I had baggage and had heard most of my story, just like everyone else had heard. But one day, my fear of a run-in came true while I was with Jackson, finally came true.

We had stopped at the local supermarket to gather things for a date at my mom’s house.  While walking down one of the aisles, I saw Damon; someone whom I had hooked up with on several occasions in high school.  Damon seemed just as afraid to see me, especially with another man.  He pressed his body into one of the shelves as he passed by us, trying to avoid brushing me as we passed each other.  By God’s grace, I grabbed Jackson’s hand,   smiled warmly towards Damon and said, “Hey, how are you?  Long time no see,” as if we were old pals.  As soon as Jackson and I stepped out of the supermarket and got into the car, my whole body began to violently shake and wouldn’t stop until we got to my mom’s house about 10 minutes later.  I began to cry, and Jackson asked me what was wrong.  I felt like God put it on my heart to share with him how I knew Damon and what I had experienced with him.  I even argued with God in front of Jackson like I was a crazy person, “Really?  Right now, God!  I don’t want to!”  Eventually, I shared the story and everything else I was going through to him.

Last week we talked about the moment in One Hot Mess’ life where she was in a painfully abandoned place (Click to Read).  Her father abandoned her and the boy who got her pregnant, broke up with her when she needed him the most. But we looked at Hagar in the book of Genesis who was also in a place of loneliness and fear, but instead of letting her run from her issues, God sent her right back.  One Hot Mess is going to come face to face with the things she thought she had buried, overcame and conquered but it would come where she least expected it.   

Therapy Fail and The Rebirth of Fear

Why do we fear?  What is the opposite of fear?  The opposite of fear is not bravery or courage because there are brave people who do things afraid (Click to Read Article).  True love cast out fear.  When love is present fear must depart.  OHM did not understand the love of God because she was seeing her new Father as her earthly father.  One who abandoned her and exhibited conditional love.  This baby was born to her as a gift from God to do everything over the way her parents should have done, but when she looked in the eyes of her baby girl, she saw the reflection of her past.  It was in this season her true feelings about God, herself and her past experiences surfaced.  

One Hot Mess had been living a lie her whole life, and now God was not allowing her to build a world with her new family but it wasn’t to help her run from her past but instead help her develop and grow from it.   Join us next week as she shares the truth she embraced.

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