When God Turns Your World Upside Down

Where do you go when the blessings of God are too much to handle or understand?  What do you do with the information or gift He has bestowed upon you?  There will be times when God brings a blessing and it is immediately follow by—joy, peace and ease.  However there are also times when the blessings brought by God’s gift will (in affect_ cause our world to be turned upside-down.  It may even cause us to want to run away because His gift will cause our lives to never be “normal” again.

This story is found in Luke 1:24-56

Last week I spoke to you about Mary, the mother of Jesus click to read. Go back with me to our 14-15 year old girl who has just been told by an angel that she would be pregnant even though she had never been with a man.  Naturally speaking, for Mary, God’s timing was so inconvenient.  This is God we are talking about here, when He shows up to do something great for us, life is supposed to get simpler and better–well as we define simpler and better anyway.  However, through my own adventures and blessings with God I’ve learned that, the bigger the blessing the greater the requirement that is placed on you.  At first glance I know that this may sound like a bad thing, but it really isn’t.  God always works in ways that are for the benefit of His people and His Kingdom.

Things were about to get crazy for Mary, the announcement of a baby growing in her body before she was married would place her life and unborn baby in danger.  If Joseph, her soon to be husband, wished it so, at his word he could have Mary stoned in accordance to the law.  So what does a teenage girl do when she finds out that she is pregnant?  She gets on her donkey and runs away to a place where she can think and wait, of course.  When the angel announced to Mary that she was pregnant, he also told her about her cousin Elizabeth and how she was also pregnant.  Now Elizabeth was way too old to be pregnant so this made the news even more amazing.  It was a good move on Mary’s part to do this.  Going to visit Elizabeth would help her get a handle on her own life that seemed to be spinning out of control right now.

Where is Your Elizabeth

Do you have an Elizabeth in your life?  Elizabeth became Mary’s comfort, her place of encouragement and opportunity to know that she was not crazy.  Is there someone in your life that you can retreat to when life starts to get out of whack?  Mary needed to go and see her because even though Elizabeth’s situation was different, she needed to be around someone whose life was complicated by God’s plan as well.  If I were Mary, I would wonder if I really saw an angel.  I would question everything I saw because everything what the angel was saying was so farfetched.  I would think that maybe I was just seeing things.  I would also think about what I would have to tell my fiancée.  My trip wouldn’t just be to find a place of comfort but it would also be an opportunity to run from the vision.

Mary makes the long trip to her cousin.  When her eyes fall on Elizabeth, Mary saw right away that what the angel had said concerning her cousin was true; her elderly cousin (who was passed childbearing years) was 6 months pregnant and counting.  But that means if the prophecy of Elizabeth was true…then the prophecy about her was true as well!  What went through her mind?  Why didn’t the scriptures say right at that moment that she rejoiced?  Why didn’t it say that she praised God?  I mean the Messiah was coming and it was coming through her!!  Well her rejoicing and praise was coming, but it wasn’t going to happen yet.

The teenage mother dismounts her horse after a long trip and to her surprise, when she embraces Elizabeth the baby in Elizabeth’s stomach leaps so much that Elizabeth can’t help but rejoice.  The child was filled with the Hold Spirit by just the contact of Mary’s and Elizabeth’s embrace.  From that, Elizabeth reacts and says,

“Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! ⁴³ But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?”  (Luke 1: 42-43)

How did she know?  Whichever way, this was enough to have Mary finally show some relief that this was all going to work out.  She was hearing it from a familiar person, not a vision, a family member, not an angel.  That moment sparked in Mary a cry to rejoice.

Luke 1: 46-55 records Mary’s words of excitement which starts off with,

“My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.”

What Do You Do When God’s Will is Inconvenient

1. Mary was amazing not just because she was a virgin carrying the Son of God, but also because she made sure to surround herself with people who kept her focused on how awesome God was. Sometimes when we share with the wrong person what God spoke to us about, things take on a different feel in our hearts and minds.  A person who is selfish will stir up selfish desires.  A bitter person will bring out the bitter taste in our own thinking.  We must be careful on where we retreat to for comfort.
2. Mary commanded her soul to glorify God. The words she spoke weren’t just words based on of emotions but ones made by choice.  Sometimes we will have to choose to glorify God instead of waiting for our emotion to feel like doing so.   Look at what David says in Psalms 103: 1-2

Praise the Lord, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
 Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits

The beginning of the verse was like, “what are you waiting for soul…PRAISE THE LORD!  And what are you looking at inner soul?  YOU PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME!! Oh and while you’re doing that DON’T FORGET ALL HIS BENEFITS.”  If you are waiting for your emotions to come over you in order to worship, it won’t happen all the time like that and even if it does, it won’t be as powerful as if you choose to do so yourself.

3. Mary admits something that we forget at times. We are Gods servants not the other way around.  Sometimes we are unable to recognize His gifts for what they really are because we think that God is serving us and He needs to do things our way; verses us serving Him,  We need to learn how to trust Him.  When we think we are running the show we assume our definition of a blessing is the same as God’s.  There are times when people can’t appreciate the things God gives because of the complication it brings.

If Mary was raised like other Jewish children, she was taught that someday the Messiah was going to come and bring salvation to her people.  The Jews begged for this King to come forth to save them from the oppression of the Roman Emperor.  It’s one thing if God brings His will forth on His own and it’s another thing for Him to say, “It is through you that I will bring forth my will.”  We are so willing to ask God to raise someone up to sacrifice for the good of God’s plan but what happens when He chooses you to do it?

We look at Mary and her life and sometimes we minimize the fear, anxiety, and challenge she went though.  We make her the center of religious beliefs.  We make statues of her and paintings of her holding a newborn baby but where are the pictures of her as a confused teenage girl?  Where are the pictures of her praying on her knees in tears 4-5 months pregnant before she’s about to tell Joseph of her visitation?  This season of her life is romanticized and there needs to be some kind of reality and sympathy added to her story.

Weekly Challenge:

It’s time to turn the light on us.  We are at the end of our year and you and I have to stop and see what God has given us that we don’t appreciate but complain about.  It takes to bring God’s promise to pass.  I will tell you that this year has been super hard for me, not as some may call hard but there were times I just broke down and cried.  Over the years I have prayed for many things.  I prayed for God to come change certain people’s lives, to bring help to many who were struggling with things and in turn He looked at me to serve them to bring about His promise.

When God turned his index finger to me and said, “I choose you to bring forth My plan” I needed to find my Elizabeth to help me find comfort in knowing that He was going to provide me with the strength I needed and confirm His purposes in me.  I have two Elizabeth’s and I thank God that these two women keep me focused on the truth and not the complication.  Their confirming words have made me command my soul to glorify God no matter what I felt.

It’s time to journal.  Who are your Elizabeth’s?  Why are they your Elizabeth?  What has God called a gift upon your life but instead has seemed more like an inconvenience?

We want to encourage you to start a conversation or email us on the side if you need additional support. Follow us on Faceboook and Instagram @throughthewinters.

VLOG – Shed from Through the Winters on Vimeo.

We are living in a time when we are portraying to our kids that they are just a mistake. We make it seem as if their make up was all by accident. How does someone resolve in their mind that they are just here but not on purpose? This video is my son’s school essay on his thought of evolution. I pray that if you feel you are just a mistake, that you will be encouraged to see differently.

Can You Find Peace in the Dark?

As a child, were you ever afraid of the dark?  Did you think that there were monsters under your bed, a creature in your closet or the boogie man outside your window?  All of my children were afraid of the dark, but my youngest, Emmanuel, has never found sleeping in the dark alone something he could get use to.  One night, I was going to the bathroom and I noticed that my couch looked a little lumpy.  There he was sleeping under the couch throw blanket very peacefully.  I left him there because it was only one night.

The next night and the night after, I found him on the couch sleeping like on the first night.    After three nights of this, I finally asked him why he was sleeping downstairs.  With a bit of embarrassment he said that as soon as Joey (his older brother) turned off the light in their room, he was too scared to sleep.  I started to try and convince him that there was nothing to be scared of when the light was off and then I thought, “Is there anything good that happens in the dark?  Since when is being in the dark okay.  Don’t convince him to accept the dark.  He gets no peace being in the dark and neither does anyone else.”

We are in December of 2017 and store owners barely finished decorating for Thanksgiving before setting up their shelves for Christmas.  Like them, we turn on the Chipmunk Christmas soundtracks, pick out the plastic tree, purchase the tinsel and start on the recipe for peppermint bark to be handed out at the first Christmas party.  It is also that time where we put a lean on our home, sell an old car or work 20 hours extra at work to get enough money to purchase that perfect gift.  We want to give that gift that lets our loved ones know they are special, adored and appreciated.  It’s a season of giving.

This is such an amazing time for everyone, or is it?  Christmas, as wonderful a time it is for most, it is also one of the saddest times for many as they look at their year and think about things they lost, things they don’t have and their struggle to get a handle on true happiness.  The truth is that on the “first” Christmas, though a time of rejoicing because our Savior was sent to this earth, for many during that time it was not a great experience.

As much as we have made Christmas a time for giving, love, appreciation, and candy canes; the birth of Jesus was not joyful for everyone.  It was not the celebration as we know celebration.  Jesus’ life brought pain, loss, death and inconvenience for many.  In the month of December we are going to look at the inconvenience and pain of bring forth the Light into a dark world, the Messiah, Jesus Christ.

What to Expect When Your Expecting

I want you to go away with me to a time where tweeting was just the sound a bird made, sneakers were just people who came up on you unexpectedly and donkeys were given that name we want to call the idiot who cut us off on the highway.  It is a time when a 14 maybe 15 year old girl named Mary is consumed with the thoughts of getting married to her fiancée.  Life is getting overwhelming because even though she is only engaged, society treats her as if she is already married.  She just got use to her menstrual cycle and now she is getting ready for marriage.

Mary is probably daydreaming and thinking about all the different checklist of things to be done before the ceremony when she realizes that she is not alone.  There is a beautiful being in her room who looks so different from anyone she’s ever seen before.

“Good morning!
You’re beautiful with God’s beauty,
Beautiful inside and out!
God be with you.”

He startles her as his voice is so commanding that the timid teenage girl is paralyzed by his presence.  He goes on to say,

“Mary, you have nothing to fear. God has a surprise for you: You will become pregnant and give birth to a son and call his name Jesus.”

In John 1:4-5 says,

“In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

The way we, as westerners, distinguish Christmas is through all the lights that we put up on our tree, the front of our house and even on our car.  Why was Jesus described as light?   Jesus was called the Light because we are living in a world of darkness.  Sometimes we forget that the birth of Jesus was, yes a gift, however He was coming to a people who were blind to the sin that they were in.  God saw that His people were in a bad place and He needed to complicate several people’s lives in order to bring the Light into a dark, evil, wicked, demonic oppressed world.

The very first life that was challenged by the fulfillment of this promise is Mary.  This beautiful angel, name Gabriel, has just told her that she is pregnant.  As much as we may know the story, we don’t know the story.  In the world this teenager lived in, infidelity to your fiancée was like cheating on your husband and it was punishable by death.  Mary’s “gift”, Mary’s “surprise” was going to be scandalous in the world she lived in.  She could be labeled a whore, rejected by her family and (most of all) stoned to death by her society.

What kind of gift was this?  I thought that God was supposed to make life better not make it more complicated.  Do you understand the complication of God?  Sometimes we think that God makes our life simpler when we follow His commands.  After all, to be chosen by Him should mean that life becomes easier and being called by God should make sense to everyone.  For most, however, God interrupts, stirs up and complicates the lives we live in to fulfill the perfection of his plan to save lost lives.

Look at Mary’s response to the visitation, “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.

God’s servant, to really understand what it means to be God’s servant one must first learn to understand His heart.  You do that, by reading His word and applying it to your everyday life.  One of the first things that most learn when they except God into their lives is  John 3:16 where it says that,

“God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him would not perish but have ever lasting life.” 

God’s passion is you, your family, your loved ones, your enemies, the guy who ran over your toe with the cart to get that last popular toy, and the person before you on line that acts like this is their first time looking at a McDonalds menu and don’t know what they serve (True story).   God’s desire is to not allow anyone to stay in the dark.

A Complex Gift

Mary says she is God’s servant, her being willing to be a part of God’s plan means that her life would be more complex by this gift and surprise.

To be called by God is a true honor, but don’t glamorize it’s responsibility and meaning.  Two brothers who were also disciples of Jesus had their mother come to Him and ask that they sit on both sides of Him in His Kingdom in Heaven.  Jesus told her and them that they had no idea what they were asking.  Sometimes the reason why others don’t last too long in their walk with God is because someone pitched Christianity to them as a life of easy living with promotion and riches.

You may not always understand what God is trying to do but always know that His desire is to save lives and bring light.  That may mean that God requires us to embark in a dark place to light that lamp.  After all, what sense does it make to go to a well lit place to shine a light?  His plan for bringing light may not be the path we would take and it may require more than we were expecting to invest.  Those around you may not understand what God is doing with you but know that His plan is far greater than those around us.  Others may question the complexity or complication of the task He has called us to but, don’t allow their finite mind to try and convince you to turn around from God’s sophisticated will.  The very ones who don’t understand may be the very ones that need that light.

Also, keep in mind that the very thing that God calls a gift may not be seen to us as one until later.  We may experience hard times with some seasons of confusion but what is seen as complication at first will later, as we hold to Him, be used and transformed into a gift that will lead many to salvation.  He will use your dark moments and turn them into a sign of safety where His light will shine.

Weekly Challenge:

I don’t know where you are today.  Are you trying to find peace in darkness but feel fear, like my son Emmanuel?  Are there others that are comfortable and you just can’t seem to get there?  God wants to bring light in your dark place.  He never wants you to feel peace in uncertainty.  Take sometime this week to see if there is an area you need God to shine the light on.  He is the light of your life, just let him in.

Hungry Prey

Can you really parent in front of your child or is it better to parent behind? Confused?  Well let me explain.  I absolutely love watching cooking shows, but I also enjoy watching nature documentaries.  One of the most memorable nature episodes I saw, was with a pride of lionesses on the hunt. The lioness tried to land a meal, however they failed to bring down their prey each time.  After so many failed attempts they realized that in their weakened state they were not at their fullest strength.  They re-evaluated their strategy–knowing that they could not keep going after the adult gazelles and buffalos.  Instead they now focused on a weaker prey; given their own frail condition.

The next day they came face to face with a herd of wildebeest.  The lions took their places for the hunt and prepared themselves for another chase.  When the head lioness gave the signal they all went charging.  Upon seeing the coming threat, the herd of wildebeest ran as fast as they could.  The lions appeared to be doing the same failed attack as before, but this time they were not trying to take down the adults.  They snapped and clawed at the wildebeest scaring them and causing them to run harder and faster.  In doing so, the older and stronger ones in the group began to leave behind the weaker and slower members of the group.  The younger and more defenseless members were in the center of the group for protection.  With the wildebeest remaining together as a group they were protected, but with the ongoing panic, the wall of protection began to break.

Whose the Real Prey

I watched as a small brand new baby calf, running as hard as it could, began to trail away from the safety of the group.  The calf was running steady in the beginning, but the longevity of the chase was too much for it to keep up.  The lionesses plan was working.  I was screaming at the TV for the mother to stop running so fast and notice that her new baby was in danger.  I imagined what her mindset was: I’ve been here before.  They are after me but they can’t get me.   It makes sense to think that when you think you are the enemy’s target.

Her fear was so misplaced that she did not realize it was not her who was the target but her child.  You could see the lions zero in on the calf the moment it was a few yards away from its mother.

I noticed the light switched on for the mother and it finally dawned on her that something was wrong.  The lions were gone, the herd was still stampeding away.  She turned around to see where her baby was.  A single lion was close behind the calf as it desperately zigzagged to avoid the sharp teeth and claws that were coming upon it as the other lionesses began to encompass the scared calf.

The mother instinctively charged forward toward the very thing she was running from just seconds before to save her child’s life.  As she rammed through the circle of claws and teeth, the main lioness delivered the deadly blow to her baby causing the calf to fall to the ground.

Her love for her baby pushed her to fight and keep the lions at bay.  She took on the whole pride and charged at them, scattering them but don’t not enough to make them leave.  The mother checked on her child  as it took its last breath.  The lions closed in again, but she continued to fight–in hopes that her child would get back up–but it was no use.  She hovered over her baby’s dead body for as long as she could, ultimately she had to walk away and watch as the pride came in to collect their reward for their hard work.

Are We Leaving Our Children Behind

Are we a society that is so preoccupied with surviving, that we are leaving our children behind?  Are we arrogantly thinking that we know what  the enemy is doing so we move in ways that our kids can’t keep up?  Is the longevity f the chase too much for them?

You know what? This scenario is not that much different then what some parents do.  When I was 5 years old I was being molested right under my parent’s nose.  My father was severely abusing me and I was suicidal yet my mother did not know.  The day I told my mother of the things I had gone through as a child, she broke down and begged for my forgiveness.  She realized that everything I had gone through was the result of her negligence.

How do we protect our children from a world of predators?

1. Don’t assume that you are the enemy’s only target – When the enemy comes at you, he is not playing games.  He’s hungry, desperate and he knows his time is short.  Why would he waste his time on a strong, stable, powerful person like yourself when he can go after your weak, naïve, unaware child?  Why not?  Satan knows that to get to our children is to get at us.  All he has to do is distract us from his real attack.   We can become so preoccupied with ourselves that we forget what’s important.  We work those long hours at work.  Husbands and wives continue to fight.  We spread out our time helping out too much at church and doing other activities loosing quality time with our family.  The list can go on but all the while our kids can’t keep up.  That’s all the enemy wants.

2. Sometimes you have to face the very thing you fear in order to fight for your child.-There are so many parents I have spoken with who have to face the thing they were running from to save their children.  They have cried to me when they found out that their child was on drugs, alcohol, sexually active, raped or even suicidal.  Many of those parents told me they did not notice the signs even though they were involved in their child’s life.  This is not in every case.  We have to ask how many times does a child give their parents signals that aren’t picked up because of the busyness of life? How many children are crying in their rooms while their parents are fighting and cursing at each other, pushing their child closer and closer to the thought of ending their life?  How many parents are working so hard at the office while the enemy is working on their children?  The very thing we are run from, is the very thing you will have to face.   By not talking about things like sex, drugs, depression and so on they will learn about it from somewhere else and that leaves them more vulnerable to the enemy.
3. You are stronger than your fears- It bothers me to see that the one mother was powerful enough to fend off all those lionesses when the motivation was different.  If one wildebeest was able to do that, how much more could the whole herd have done?  Instead they ran.  It is what they have done for thousands of years.  It was passed down from mother to child for generations, that when you see the lion coming we run, and the cycle was never changed.  They ran from attackers that, together, they could have destroyed.  Fear makes us do dumb things.  We run when we can fight.

In God we are stronger than we know or care to know. There are times when we fight battles that may not be even necessary to fight.  The Lord has gone ahead to fight them for us and we look back only to see teeth and claws attacking our children.  How do you let your fears motivate your decisions?   Are you making sure that you’re a warrior that sharpens your arrows (your children) in order to teach and prepare them to hold their ground or are you teaching them to run because that’s what we do?

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame,

–Psalms 127:4-5

Investing in your child has nothing to do with pushing a trade or athletic skill in them.   Learn their character and personalities then help them to perfect and develop those things into ways that will enable them to grow and become stronger in God.  Warning…it takes time to study your child’s strengths and weaknesses so willing to invest.

4. What if a fatal blow is delivered?  As previously stated, attacks will happen, and there will be times when even the most prepared will fall.  But this should be an even bigger motivator on the importance of teaching our children about the Lord and who He is.  This is why our life example is so important. God is stronger than and able to have the victory over death.

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.”

–John 11:25

If you have a child that have gone through a lot and you feel helpless, know that God is capable to resurrect your child.  Nothing is lost when God is in it.  Your love for your child may not cause them to stand up, but God’s love makes anything possible.

Weekly Challenge:

If you are a parent, grandparent, or hope to be a parent, take the time to tell God what your fears are.  Tell God the things that your family has the habit of doing, which is a perfect trap for the enemy.  Ask God to give you the wisdom you need to protect your child.  If you have an older child and they have been making dangerous decisions, bring that before the Lord as well.  God will give you the wisdom needed to pray for the spiritual resurrection of your child.

Feel free to leave a comment below or if you need additional help email us on the side.  Follow us on facebook and instagram@throughthewinters.

Are Manuals THAT important?

Have you ever tried to put something together or use something without looking at a manual?  Have you ever gotten so frustrated when the product is not functioning the right way?  If you have visited this sight before you have come across photos from Elizabeth Madaia photography.  I had the pleasure of seeing her start off her business with a simple camera to the day she invested in a seriously expensive camera—with more features.  There was a problem though, her business was taking off but she couldn’t do what was needed because the new camera was not working the way she wanted it to.

I recalled having a photo shoot with her when she thought her brand new expensive camera was broken; Liz was getting so irritated.  She was so upset and couldn’t believe it.  She spent all this money on this expensive camera just for it to break.  To her surprise it wasn’t broken at all.  Liz had admitted that she really didn’t read the manual to its fullest, so she was not using her camera to its fullest capacity.  There were even features she was told it could do but wasn’t clear as to how to do it.

How much better is it for us to have a manual when parenting?  When I became a mother for the first time, it was nice—the first few days—however, there was something in me that was waiting for Joey’s (my oldest son) real parent to come pick him up.  He wasn’t a camera, a shelf from IKEA or a brand new iPhone.  He was not just a life that will exist in this world and the next, but he was going to be the father of a future nation. He could be a husband–God willing–a grandfather.  The way I raised him and his siblings, respond to them and relate to them, will forever shape how they see themselves and the way they see life.

Where Is the Parenting Manual?

I knew that my husband would play a big part, but as a mother, how did I parent them without a manual?  I didn’t have good examples of parenting.  Doesn’t everything come with an instruction manual anyway?  Doesn’t everything have a customer service number to call when something goes wrong?  Why didn’t parenting have a number to call when you were lost or confused?

Well, whether everyone believes it or not, we parents do have a manual.  We do have a basic instruction in this life.  Sometimes following the decrees and the commands in this manual is harder and more time consuming than just the idea of following the crowd or the majority.  Raising Kingdom Kids is a hard job and not everyone get it.  Who wants to sit there with a big set of rules and instructions?  Everyone wants instant gratification; however when you are raising royalty you have to be willing to see pass your own discomfort and inconvenience.

Let’s look at Proverbs 22:6

 Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Look at the path you are putting your kids on.  Some people look at this verse for Christian’s who raise their kids in church.  But you can’t put your kids on a path that you are not on yourself.  So what path are you on?  Is it sprinkled with love, peace, joy, structure, stability, faith, consistency, or is it with uncertainty, anger, fear, rejection, neglect, envy or bitterness?   Your children will follow you wherever you go because they automatically think that the path you are on is the way in which they should go.  Sadly, even if you tell them to go in the other direction they will follow you anyway.  You can scream at your child to be better than you, but it doesn’t work that way.  Sometimes the path you put them on will have a sprinkle of good and bad.

Passing the Baton

Parenting is a baton you pass in this race of life.  When I was listening to Tony Evans in his series of Raising Kingdom Kids he made such an amazing point, “When you have children you are passing a baton to them so that they can start their own race.  If you don’t pass the baton the race is over and you have lost.  You are passing to them something to run this race for.”  So what are you passing to them?  Whether we believe it not, we are in a race called life.

He was so right. Our life is not necessarily a sprint, but a marathon.  Whatever you transfer to them will either give them the energy to keep running or it will weigh them down.  I did not have the pleasure of meeting my father-in-law, but when I started going to my husband’s home church, I found out that Manuel Angel was a legend.  The impact that he made on his community, his church and his family had out lived him.  No matter what Manny and my mother-in-law Toni, put their hands to, it was blessed.  They had favor wherever they were.  These parents passed the baton of favor to their boys.  Not only did they have favor, but they taught their children how to love and serve people with pure humility.

Both my brother-in-laws and my husband are three of the most sacrificial men that I have ever met.  Their strength is the love they have for people and their weakness is also the love they have for people.  My husband has placed all of my kids on a path of love and compassion for people; so they enjoy serving and being there for others.  This is why it is important to examine the baton you are passing to your kids and make sure you are running the same race you want them to finish.

This race must be run with respect and fear of God.  One thing that is in our manual (The Bible) is the need for healthy fear of God.  Some people don’t have a healthy fear of God so they place their child on a path where God is not revered and respected.  Tony Evans likened this to a parent who doesn’t teach their kids the importance of respecting electricity.  Electricity is something that we have grown to need and love in order to live and thrive in this society; still you quickly respect electricity when you put a metal fork in the socket holding a wet cloth.  The very thing you love, need, use to thrive can kill you if you don’t respect it’s power.   Our God is good but not safe.  He is love but dangerous.  As parents we must teach our children to respect God and his ways, but again we can’t put them on path to respect God when we aren’t on it.  Don’t scream for them to respect God, go to church, resist the things that are against God’s rules if you do not respect it yourself.

It’s never too late to start over.  What if you look at the path you are on and the baton you are passing and don’t like what you see?  Great parenting is when you see that something you may be doing is not working and be willing to adjust for the good of the next generation.  Take small steps.  Consider some small things that you can start doing that will not send your child into shock.  Zechariah 4:10 makes a statement worth thinking about.

“Don’t despise the days of small beginnings…”

Everyone’s “days of small beginnings” will be different.  I know of friends who have made changes like: the music they allowed in the home, they stopped watching certain movies, were more aggressive with attendance in church, they reduced the amount of times that they visited friends and family who were not supportive of the change, they stopped saying destructive negative things and started saying uplifting positive things, also they added prayer into their routine.  What does your small days look like.

Practical Thinking

When you decide to let God have his way in our lives we go from not having a manual to having EmMANUEL.  Small beginning starts when we look in the manual.  These are many benefits of looking at the instructions

1. It tells you how to use every piece.  When you use your rely on your own understanding, you are guaranteed to leave things out that you feel are not necessary to the design of your child but will later regret when things are falling apart.
2. It tells you what the end result will be.  Not all shelves look the same.  Not all dishwashers are the same.  There are different models and your child is as unique as it gets.  Don’t rely on what others have done to determine the structure of your child.
3. When you don’t read your manual to the fullest, you won’t get the most out of it. When you talk yourself out of read your word, you don’t get the most out of life,  and your kids don’t hit life at their fullest potential.
4. Lastly, the manual tells you what to do if something is broken and needs to be replaced. Just because you put something together perfectly doesn’t mean that there won’t be repairs and up keep.  As your child grows, the thing they once held on to may no longer be suited for them.  There needs to be a replacement or fixing and if you still don’t refer to the manual down the road, you will break something that was in good condition before.

Weekly Challenge:

Read Deut :6:6-9 look at some things that God said to do.  Look and see if there are some things that you can improve on.  I would also encourage you to also purchase the book from Tony Evans, “Raising Kingdom Kids.”  There are so many good nuggets inside for parents at every stage of life.

Comment below to start a discussion or if you need extra help please feel free to email us.  Follow us on Instagram and Facebook @throughthewinters.

They’re Just Accidents

What happens when you raise your child to believe that they are nothing but a mistake, nothing but an accident with no hope in sight?  What is the result when you take away their uniqueness and purpose all because you took away their God?  In last week’s article I mentioned that suicide was the third leading cause of death amongst children between the ages of 10-14.  A 16 year old young man wrote an oral presentation about creationism verses evolution.  I listened to this young man talk passionately about his journey to decide which argument comes close to the truth in how he came into existence.

After he had intelligently explained what evolution was—the belief that we were created out of nothing from nothing–he then went on to speak of God’s account of creating this world.  This young man articulated enough to explain that the nonsense behind evolution would be seen as pure foolishness if someone brought that theory in this day and age.  It was in this oral presentation that he strayed away from facts and made personal statements that left me so speechless that I wanted to cry.   I asked him if he would allow me to write his words in my article because it went along with what we had been talking about here.

What’s The Point of Everything?

It starts off…

“Despite the evidence, which points to a creator, atheist say that the big bang event occurred by chance.  They say that in an empty void a giant explosion, by chance occurred, created the sun, planets, and our earth, which just happened to be perfect for life.  No one made the explosion, no one directed its path, or ordered it to make life, it just happened…When I hear scientist avidly fight to prove evolution and enforce evolution on students, it greatly disturbs me.  I want you to think about these statistics from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.  Suicide is the 10^th leading cause of death in the US, on average there are 121 suicides per day, each year 44,193 suicides occur each year, and for each suicide there are 25 ATTEMPTED suicides—that comes up to 1,104,825 people that are so bent on killing themselves that they take action EVERY YEAR!!  This greatly saddens me and angers me because we are being taught in schools that we are nothing more than a common animal, that our lives are equal to the common goldfish that dies in a fish bowl or the ant under our shoes, to the rats in the sewers eating garbage.  They say that our lives were accidents and that we don’t matter, that it matters very little whether we live or die.  If that is all true then what’s the point?  What is the point of everything?”

Can I just stop here… this paragraph was written by my own son, Joey.  I am so emotional at the way I almost allowed this filthy, nasty, wicked, backstabbing, lying world to define my child’s worth.  My heart is beating out of my chest.  This world is stealing the life from our kids and we are sitting back and letting them!! “If evolution is all true then what’s the point?”  You tell me!! Why not kill yourself or encourage others to commit suicide when life is going wrong—we are basically saying that to our children in our own way.

A few months ago I spoke to Joey and his sister Rachel one day.  I asked them a question that leaves any parent holding their breath till the answer is given: Have you ever thought of committing suicide?  To my surprised they said yes.  They didn’t think of it cause they hated their life, but after watching things in the news and hearing the horrific behavior of humans, they thought about it only in the perspective of: What is the purpose of going through all this?  They said they would never do anything; however if they could choose, they would rather go to heaven and leave this world then to live a life purposeless.

I know my husband and I have done the best we can to show them love and tell them that they are special, still even with all of that, there is still a small desire not to be here.  What in the world would my children be going through if I allowed them to embrace the idea of no God and their existence was just a mistake?  Let’s see what else Joey says.

“What does it matter if we die of starvation, steal or kill?   What does it matter if we rape, abuse or murder?  What does it matter if we build better technology, cure cancer, or have world peace if in the end, when we die, we just wander in a lifeless void?  The attack on Las Vegas was terrible, but if evolution is right and there is no God or life after death isn’t real, then it doesn’t matter, right?  We are disgusted by Hitler’s attack on the Jews, but with evolution it’s no different than an anteater killing 3500 ants.”

Is he wrong?  Why are we so upset about the loss of life when there is no purpose for living?  The accepting of this teaching and that there is not God is confusing to the way we live.  It makes no sense to enforce goodness, success and retaining of knowledge when our lives are mistakes; an accident with no real purpose. Why do we get upset when someone’s life is taken?  Why are we trying to preserve life?  Why are we so heartbroken when there is a bombing in Paris, or a hurricane in Puerto Rico?  According to evolutionist teaching, it’s natural selection.

Is There Any Hope?

Let’s read the rest of this oral report

“All of this is a lie!  We are created for a purpose, deliberately and carefully. DNA is proof of that.  DNA is one of the most complex things in the universe.  It is found in birds, grass, trees, cats , dogs and human beings.  It is the story of you.  What your personality will be like, what color hair, eyes and skin you would have.  We are all miracles, handcrafted by the Most High and he has a plan for each one of us.  The eye is one of the most advanced technologies, allowing us to see the beauty of creation.  That does not just happen by chance.  We are not accidents, we are not monkeys, we are children of God.  The world just refuses to accept the truth because they want to stay in their sin.  They do not want to step into the light because they are afraid that their evil will be exposed and that what is done in the darkness (secret) will be seen.  Our lives matter and God loves us the way we are, imperfections and all.  The Bible says God knew us while we were in our mother’s womb and that he openly invited us to be apart of His family.  So what will you choose to believe?  That you were created deliberately and with a purpose or that you were made by accident with no hope?”

I don’t know if you are a parent who never thought too much about the effects evolutional thinking from your child, but I would like for you to think about it for a second.  If we instill in our children the importance of education and we leave them to believe that what they are learning in school is correct, how do we now take them to church and give them a totally different message when it comes to how and why we are here?  Parents we have to be diligent to reeducate our children.  We must not leave the spiritual education of our children to the lies of this world.

We must whisper their purpose while they sleep.  We must write their purpose down and make it plain.  We must remind them of their purpose when they forget.  We must scream their purpose to the world when they try to silence it.

Weekly Challenge:

Read this verse Habakkuk 2:2-3

And then God answered: “Write this.
    Write what you see.
Write it out in big block letters
    so that it can be read on the run.
This vision-message is a witness
    pointing to what’s coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait!
    And it doesn’t lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait.
    It’s on its way. It will come right on time.

Allow God to give you a vision for your children. Write it down.  Make it plain so that when they read it, it will be plain.  Allow it to come at his time.  Be patient, wait for it.

Also I encourage you to purchase Tony Evan’s book, “Raising Kingdom Kids.”  We must remember what our kids are called to and this book helps us in that.  If you need additional help please contact us.  Follow us on Facebook and Instagram @throughthewinters.

Deep Desperation from Through the Winters on Vimeo.

Killer Parenting

Have you ever questioned if our ability to parent our kids is better or worse than animals with less intelligence then us?  Some animals are more attentive then others; whereas others are definitely smarter.  Well it was the near the end of the school year when the kids in my class became obsessed about a bird that would not move out of their way while they were playing soccer.  It was a tiny little bird who made a very obnoxious noise as the kids came closer to it.  Days went by and the story of this relentless bird went through the whole school because the bird became more and more aggressive as it seemed to dominate a part of the soccer field.  It would not fly away no matter how close they got, instead it would chase after the kids as they approached.  As they investigated it more, apparently this bird laid a few eggs right in the middle of the soccer field and the whole time she chased the kids, she was actually trying to protect her nest.  Some of the teachers then placed netting around the area so that the groundskeeper wouldn’t disturb the nest.  They also put cones up for added caution.  With all the caution placed up, it wasn’t long before some predator raided the nest and destroyed all her eggs.

Everyone was sad for it and some people even commended the bird for its bravery in protecting her kids, but it could also be said that the pure foolishness of this inferior creature could be judged for placing her unborn babies in the center of danger.  The “Killdeer Bird” is notorious for laying her eggs in the center of danger.   That’s so stupid, right?  Human’s wouldn’t place their children in the center of danger from the beginning and then spend their parenting time fighting for their kid…right?

Raising Kingdom Kids

Sometime during the summer, I listen to a series by Tony Evans called, “Raising Kingdom Kids.”  It made me stop and think: What if I am nestling my kids in a place of danger just so that I have fight predators because I was too lazy or unskilled to relocate them in a place of safety?  Then I had to question if I was raising KINDGOM kids?  Most parents want their children to succeed and even live the life of royalty and victory, but they are not willing to do the work in order to impart that into them.  I am willing to die for my kids–as this killdeer bird was–but I had to evaluate if I was willing to live for my kids the way Christ wanted me to.

How do I pass on a healthy self-image, self-worth, and future to my children living in a culture that is doing everything in their power to steal that from them?  For example, the whole idea of evolution robs kids of the truth that someone loved them so much that they made them special.  The word “evolution” to me means that I am basically telling my child, “You were nothing but an accident.  You just happened to come forth and you have no purpose in this world but to live in a world that will molest your identity, rape your future and vandalize your present.”  The foolishness of evolution steals the very idea that my kids were created uniquely and with a purpose.

What happens when you take away the idea from a child that someone loves them so much and that they were placed on this earth for a purpose?  We become no better than that killdeer bird.  They are laid out in a field of unnecessary danger, and in front of every predator known to man.  My harsh introduction of this series comes when I was listening to a preaching by Jimmy Evans where he mentioned that Canada was passing—or trying to pass a law—that if parents do not agree with a child’s desire to change their gender, the government will  come into their homes and take their children away from them.  They feel that a parent’s inability to fall in line with a child’s desire to be a different sex altogether, is considered “child abuse”.  As a survivor of severe child abuse—where I was beaten till I defecated on myself because I was 15 minutes late to meet my father at the bus stop— I find the words “Child Abuse” offensive, VERY OFFENSIVE!!!!!  Are we really saying that it is better to tear a child away from a loving parent because they won’t allow their son to wear his sister’s pretend Cinderella glass slippers?  Fill up the orphanages and group homes… and empty the loving homes.  What a sick, demented, wicked world we live in!!   I believe that the direction our society has taken has caused it to lose sight of what is true and that it has blurred the our purpose of life.  God speaks very harshly of those that say what is right is wrong and what is wrong right.  Lord have mercy on us.

We are in a killdeer bird culture that is demanding, us as parents, to train our children to be victims of an ever changing, unstable, unforgiving world.  We think we are making the world fairer and more equal, when all we are really doing is compromising our humanity to become something we were never CREATED to become.  According to National Institute of Mental Health in 2003, suicide was the third highest reason why our kids were dying.  That was 14 years ago and since then our suicide rate, amongst our teens, has raised to an all time high.  We, as parents, exhaust ourselves trying to protect them from being bullied on social media, depression, pornography, promiscuity, substance abuse and more.   Sadly, there are more parents in America who have had to walk in to see that their children killed themselves because the child had no direction and felt there was no purpose in his/her existence.

Parents please believe me that many teachings of this world—in a way— wants to convince our children of its own definition of moral law.  All the while it is robbing them of self worth, values, true innocence, and is causing them to forsake purity.  Before our own eyes this world is ready to violate and strip our precious kids of everything that God has created them to be.  When we allow this to happen, we as their parents, are laying our kids on the battlefield unequipped for the battles that lies ahead and we run after every enemy that shows up like killerdeer bird without a head.

Look at Nehemiah 4:14

“After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, ‘Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.’ ”

How do I fight for my children?

• Parenting God’s Way: According to Tony Evans parenting God’s way is when the parent takes up the responsibility to intentionally oversee the transfer of God’s values and instructions for living in their children.  Deut 6:2 says…

“so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life.” 

As I criticize the utter foolishness of the world’s ways, they turn around and criticize mine.  The world finds the ways of God to be restrictive, legalistic and confining.  Jonathan Evans (Tony Evan’s son) and the Chaplain for the Dallas Cowboys said it so well, “If you really want to see if the Word of God is true then stop doing what it says.”  Well what better example of this than where America, as a nation under God, stands right now.  Now that we are straying more from the tyranny of God’s unrealistic, cultic ways and have removed away from God’s teachings and standards as a nation, surely we as an American people are flourishing so much more-we should be since God’s ways are totally wrong.  NOPE!!!  The truth is, we have never been more of a laughing stock amongst other nations then we are now because of how screwed up we are.  Maybe we can get our children back when we are serious about not just talking about the decrees of God but actually keeping them.

• We can’t leave it to society to raise our kids: Do you remember this statement, “It takes a village to raise a child.”  I believe in that, but the village is taking too much power in telling us how we should raise them.  The fault of that has fallen on us though.  We have allowed them to determine the standards in our homes.   Society has become like that guest who stays way too long and eventually takes over.  We no longer have set boundaries and have allowed this ever changing world to have a say so in how we are rearing our children; instead of society conforming to our standards, we have conformed to theirs.  God’s ways and His Word never changes and yet it has kept up with and transcends all time.
• Push your child to make the kingdom over making the team:  Our society is driven by entertainment and sports.  We push our kids to make the gymnastic, soccer and lacrosse team more than we push for them to be a part of church.  We impress on them the need for discipline and structure but rob from them the importance of spiritual health.  We are so focused on feeding our kids healthy but yet we stuff poison down their throat.  God will never bless anything that is seen as more important than Him.

Weekly Challenge:

I would encourage you to purchase Tony Evan’s Book, Raising Kingdom Kids.  I don’t know if you are a parent of teenagers or younger, or maybe you are hoping to be a parent soon, order this book.  It will give you a lot of things to think about and some things you may want to change so that you don’t make the same mistakes that others have.
If you haven’t subscribed to to Through the Winters, then do it now.  If you are in need of some help or extra support please email us or comment below.  We would love to hear from you.

Through the Winters ministry has a brand new member of the family, Alejandra Tash.  She did such a wonderful job during the month of January where we discussed the topic of loving ourselves that we decided to make her a more frequent contributor on our blogging and devotions.  Check out the “About Us” page to read more about her.  Now let’s read Alejandra’s first blog as an official member of our ministry!!

“Don’t just pretend to LOVE others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.”

Romans 12:9 NLT

This week I wanted to join the topic of love.  I would like to share my testimony about the person who was most impactful in my life, Reverend Milca Tirado Plaud.  I hate the saying, “You don’t know what you have until you lose it.” Oddly enough, though, it is so true in my life–especially in this case. Pastor Milca was a strange wonder, someone truly special.  Sadly in June of 2015, she went on to be with the Lord.  Before I tell you of how her passing impacted my life, I would like to first tell you about this woman who nurtured me back to love.

Hurt to Pieces

I must confess that I had a hard time with not only loving myself, but also with receiving love. When you’ve experienced traumatic hurt it’s really difficult to receive love. This hurt made me mean and very vindictive.  I held on to my emotional pain so strong that it became physical pain. Due to the fact that I experienced a handful of abusive relationships and damaging friendships, I came to Christ in the summer of 2009 with bags of brokenness in hopes to find refuge.  The church I was attending at the time did very little for me emotionally and, in many ways, made my issues worse.  After I left that church I became so guarded that I promised myself to never let anyone else in.  Looking back, I remember how hurt I was by the leadership.  They made me feel bad about myself and my past.  I knew nothing of God’s true love, instead I became a vessel of fear.  I was so afraid to let anyone get close to me again due to the fact I was convinced they would only hurt me. As I read Faith’s blog earlier this month, I  related with her abusive relationship.  She emphasized the scripture 1 John 4:18

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”

When I read that, I thought to myself, “That’s it!  Perfect love knows no fear.”    I don’t know how he did it, but that was the kind of love God was offering me through Pastor Milca.  It’s scary to think about it now but I see how my fear of being hurt again almost kept me from what God had planned.

The Lesson Begins…

In some cases, God has to literally teach us how to receive love.  I know this because I was one of those cases.  In 2 Cor. 5:17 it says,

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come, The old has gone, the new is here!”(NIV)

God wasn’t kidding when in he said, “I am making everything new!” I thought that when I read this, God meant “KaBOOM” and all things were truly made new–Like Magic!  No, God is more interested in our process and in writing out our story than He is in magic.

When God brought Pastor Milca in my life He knew that her love for me would be in actions and not just in words. That was exactly what I needed to do, break the “wall” I had built around me.  Pastor Milca helped that by believing in me. She spoke life into me and gave opportunities to flourish.  Best of all, unlike others who used me for their benefit, she didn’t mind not being in the spotlight; instead, she allowed me to shine.  Pastor Milca believed in my husband as well and she soon made us the Youth Leaders at the church.  How do you accept love when all you’re use to is hate, abuse, manipulation?  God loved me back to life, and He did it through her example.

She mentored my heart and was my pastor at the same time.   When my husband and I came to Pastor Milca’s church we came to her likes orphans in need of a mother.  I remember her supporting our crazy ideas, and encouraging us to “travel and be young!”    Figuratively speaking, God removed the toxins from our life, He added new people who brought nutrients and fertilized our dried up soil.  Her church was filled with love. It trickled down from the head, to the body!  This church was the perfect example of how God’s perfect love cast out fear.  My husband David and I were surrounded by love in this church. When you allow Him to, God provides people who will protect your heart, and take the time to invest in you.  Pastor Milca had a mothering spirit, and she filled a gap in me.  My deepest regret was not allowing her in sooner and not knowing her more.

Gain, Loss Then Gain Again

Three years later Pastor Milca announced that her cancer had returned.  My mouth dropped, but at the same time I “knew” that I served a God who would never take the person He had sent to be my mentor. Even as I prayed, I never truly believed God would take her. Unfortunately He did, summer of 2015.  I helped with the funeral, smelled the flowers, saw her body being lowered into the ground and yet it wasn’t real to me then. It became real once her cellphone was disconnected with no life on the other side; there was no more advice or encouragement from her.   Who do you get angry with for taking the person who believed in you the most?  What do you do when religion tells you, that you “can’t” be mad at God?  I felt robbed, and I had no one to blame.

It wasn’t till I read the blog, about Forgiving God by Marsha Winters, that I allowed myself to be angry.   This blog revealed to me that I needed to forgive God for taking the only person that I grew to love and shape me.   I also needed to forgive myself for not allowing her in, for my snotty comments, and for not appreciating her when I had the time to. Thankfully I didn’t closed myself off to love again but instead I was more open to it more than ever. God works in such mysterious ways. Before her passing Pastor brought Marsha Winters to our church to preach a powerful message based on her book, “The Threshing: A Weapon Forged by Fire.” Pastor introduced me to her, almost like she was passing the baton, saying, “Here Marsha, take good care of her.”  She has indeed, reminding me of the scripture in Isaiah 66:9 and Romans 12:9

“…Hold tightly to what is good.”

If there is one thing I learned it is to hold tightly to what is good, right now!  Allow yourself the process to let go of those things holding you back. The process of looking back may seem ugly now but it will turn into a beautiful story.  Because of Pastor Milca, I inherited that mothering spirit in which God has granted me the opportunity to impact others.  I took to heart the words of a very wise woman who once said to me, “Don’t let Milca go, let her grow.”

Let’s Pray:

Father, we thank you for placing us under your arms of grace like only you can place us. Thank you that your heart is always open to love us, through others and through your Word. Father we thank you that you made us beautifully broken and put are in the business of putting us  back together like a mosaic piece of art and that in due time your glory will shine upon us.  We ask, my God, in the mighty name of Jesus that all who read this, all who may be facing loss today be encouraged into knowing that you are a giver of life and as your word states in Isaiah 66:9.  Help us understand this passage and write it on the tablets of our hearts. We thank you that today you’ve begun a beautiful healing process that which in due time you will birth something beautiful. Lord help us to receive your love, that perfect love that cast out all of our fears, and let us experience this love in order to move forward in you.

Weekly Challenge:

Who has nurtured you to love?  Well, there is a touching story of two women that leaned on each other in some very tough times. It can be found in Ruth 1:1-18.  Take time to thank God for the people who have helped you through those ugly times.  Don’t wait until they are in the ground to thank them for what they have done.  Make a list and work on going to each person and express how that have changed you.

March is our “Survivor Series”, we are going to sharing the story of three amazing women who survived some horrible times in their lives.  Join us next month for the telling of these stories.  We would love your comments and questions.  We love you and APPRECIATE YOU!!  If you haven’t yet, like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram.

Cactus Love-Don’t Get Too Close

(Sam)

Hey everyone.  Marsha and I decided to share this month’s topic about loving those who have been hurt with David and Alejandra so that you, the reader, could get exposure to two couples who have gone through this experience.  David and Alejandra have done a great job in sharing their experiences, and in some of the things they mentioned I found common ground emotionally and mentally.  Both David and I are married to women who had been violated—in more than one way—in their past.  Both women developed defensive mechanisms to try and keep anyone from hurting them again.  They saw themselves as “broken” and made it hard for their husbands to come close and help.

In many ways, when Marsha and I were courting one another, she tested me on how I would handle her personality and tried to see if I was strong enough for her.  She sought refuge in guys who treated her unfairly and who made her think that she deserved to be taken advantage of and abused.  When her relationship with God became stronger, she realized that she had value, but her perspective—with good reason—of all men became very blurred.  She was not going to be the victim anymore and no man was going to get close to her.

(Marsha)

At the age of 17 I had a chip on my shoulder because I refused to allow myself to be devalued again.  I was living life, not to achieve or reach a goal, but I felt that I needed to prove myself.  I wanted to prove that God was all I needed in order to get out of the hell I was in.  Even though that is true, I still felt the desire for a companion.  If I was going to have a relationship with someone, I was going to make sure that it would be on my terms. I would not allow myself to be vulnerable to anyone.  I worked really hard to build up a wall that protected my heart and mind and I was not going to tear them down for anyone, even some guy.

Why Won’t He Get The Hint

Sam came into the picture and he was very different because quite soon in our relationship, it was clear he wanted a commitment that could be dangerous, emotionally, for me.  He was loving, caring, patient and completely ready to be there for me physically and emotionally. We were 17, did I say that already?  We were much too young for such an intense relationship.  I found myself opening up to him quite quickly about my past of sexual and physical abuse.  I didn’t tell him everything because talking about it was quite hard.  I did tell him enough, though, to try and scare him; maybe even protect him from the mess I was.  I was kind of saying, “Hey I’m pretty broken, so you can ditch now so we can limit the hurt on both of us in the future.”  I felt like he wasn’t going to last too long anyway.  He just didn’t seem to have the strength to handle my harsh, in your face, nasty, moody emotional waves.

I quickly started to fall for him and it was not okay because my emotions were getting exposed.  It was more painful to put my guard down then to let him in.  I spent more time fighting his love for me because I couldn’t let it just happen, but all he did was fight back.

(Sam)

The thing was, she wasn’t as harsh and nasty as she thought.  Whenever we discussed something a bit touchy for her, I walked lightly.  I didn’t have to know everything at that moment to see that something was hurting her.  If I was going to be the one she would confide in, fine; but if not, it wasn’t my place to force her to tell me.   I think I gave Marsha more comfort when I didn’t make her feel like she had to tell me all her secrets.  I tried to make her feel safe with how I treated the information she did tell me.   I remember her at times shutting down—after she would tell me some things—expecting me to slowly find an exit from our relationship.  I saw no need.  What I saw was someone who needed a chance to be mad and express her frustrations, but not be judged for it.  With what she went through and how people treated her, she deserved to be angry.  Though we were dating, because of all this, I wanted to be her friend first before anything else.  She needed that more than a boyfriend.  The problem was I was falling for her.  Some would say that what I had was the “Hero Complex”.  Basically, I was feeling the desire to save her from what it was that made her feel un-safe.  I don’t know, maybe that’s how it started, however it became something else in time.  I wanted to talk to her on the phone, take the nearly two hour train ride to see her every day—she lived in Queens and I lived in the Bronx—and even incorporate her image in my art work (I was an Art Major at LaGuardia High School in Manhattan).  I was beginning to feel strong feelings for her and I wasn’t sure where all this was going to go.

It Takes Two to Fight

I know she was fighting me, but I fought back differently. It was more like I stayed persistent.  When she spoke negative about herself, I wasn’t going to let her leave with those thoughts.  When Marsha limited where she thought she would go in life I tried to help her see that there was always a possibility for more.  When she would cry, I held her and when she calmed down, I tried to make her laugh.  I had other relationships before, but this one was different.  Despite all she was facing, Marsha would take time to help me better understand God.  Though she struggled with her worth, she never hesitated to encourage me in my spiritual walk and self esteem.  Who does that?

 (Marsha)

A year into our relationship, we went on a date and walked around Manhattan.  We sat on a bench in Central Park and talked like always.  I’m not sure how everything started, but out of nowhere Sam said he was ready to take care of me.  He started telling me of his plan to buy me a car, get me a house and give me a new life.  I was very uncomfortable about the idea of “being taken care of”. I didn’t need him and I would never allow myself to get to any point of needing him. It was like a trigger.  Everything was going great. Unfortunately, that caused a bad reaction from me.

I can see now, looking back, that I was slowly trying to sabotage my relationship with him and I did it in different ways.  One time I allowed myself to fall for another guy in college.  Another time I separated myself from Sam just to see if I could work out feelings for an old friend.  I did all this just to push him into rethinking about being with me.  If I could push him to where he finally had enough, he would leave.  I began to love him and I knew that the pain of him leaving me was going to be great, nonetheless that was why I needed to push him away because the closer I got to him the more I allowed myself to be softened.

(Sam)

It wasn’t easy to be what she needed and in no way was I capable to do what I did to help her grow past her fears.  The truth is, many of her weak points weren’t dealt with until years later, after we were already married.  So what made us say “yes” to staying together and what made us willing to go on this road?  God.  It was God.  He knew what I needed to help get me on track with my call and mission and it was Marsha.  He knew that she needed someone who could take on a tremendous load of emotional weight and it was me.

Fight For What You Want

I want to talk to those that feel lie they are in the fight of their lives with their loved ones.  I realized some things over the years and I want to share them with you.

1. Make Them Feel Safe-  Safety emotionally and mentally is just as important physically.  Your loved one needs to feel like their emotions and heart is safe with you.  If they feel like you are going to belittle their battles, no matter how big or small they are, they will not trust you.
2. Get Rid of the “Hero Complex”– Let go of the idea that you are the super hero to come into this broken world and rid it of all the villains attacking your loved ones.  They don’t need a super hero, they need a prayer warrior.  Prayer is not the last resort, it should be the the first action in this relationship.
3. Healthy Persistence– When you pray find God’s view of your loved one and then be persistent in reminding them of who they are in God’s eyes.  They don’t need your view of them because even in your love, their are still flaws in your design of them.  When you seek God’s view then you know it will be perfect.
4. Love May Trigger a Bad Reaction– Don’t be too aggressive in your love.  When ever you are trying to incorporate good things into someone’s life you have to do it in pieces.  Too much of a good thing can cause a bad reaction.  It is like an anorexic starting to eat again.  You could never force calories on a body that has been starved of nutrients.  It needs to be incorporated slowly and so does love .

Weekly Challenge:

1 Corinthians 13 is a chapter in the bible that perfectly defines love.  Take some time to read the real qualities of love.  List the qualities you think you are doing well and then list those that you can improve on.  Start a conversation or if you need some additional help, feel free to email us on the side.

David here! Your favorite EMT! Last week we spoke about many things, some of the were being chosen for your spouse and handling her/his hurts with care.  Then we we talked about the baggage they bring into the relationship and it was left unattended for too long; the baggage becomes anger.  Lastly we talked about fighting for our loved ones and not with them. Now let us dive into this week’s topic, “Broken Together.” This week I want to talk more about what I went through, and how I handled being with a broken spouse. Let’s get to it.

Fighting Me, While Fighting Her

Like I spoke about in Broken Spouses week one, I learned to fight the right enemy, but at times I also found myself being my worst enemy. I had thoughts about leaving her and leaving all the other lies behind me. The thought of starting a new life without problems, or so I thought, constantly nagged me. Before I can come to terms with fighting for her, and not with her, I did have to fight myself, and my thoughts which seemed to overpower me. At times, I thought being selfish wasn’t wrong; I even found bible verses to back up my thoughts. But in fact, I was being selfish. One morning I awoke and decided to read my daily devotional, which brought me to reading Matthew 15:8-9,

“These people honor me with their lips,

    but their hearts are far from me.”

I kept coming up with reasons why I could leave her and even using God’s word to favor my thoughts. My heart was far from what God wanted, and I needed to align my heart with His.  The only way I could do this is through allowing God to take me through the process needed in order to get me safely to the other side.

How did I align my heart with God’s? I learned that one of the main ways to do this was through reading His thoughts.  When I started doing that God began to deal with me, and show me His heart.

Broken Together

It is actually funny how I came to terms with brokenness. While writing this my wife and I went back and forth many times on whether or not I can admit that I too was broken. Let me elaborate. For my career, I am an Emergency Medical Technician; I specialize in emergency situations. I assess immediately the patient and fix them or get them the proper care to be fixed. In retrospect, in my wife’s emergencies I wanted to assess and fix her dilemma—sadly that was the problem. She didn’t need fixing, she needed loving. I didn’t want to touch her brokenness (unresolved emotional issues, her feeling of neglect, rejection, abandonment and betrayal) and be broken while doing it. Sometimes we are so quick to try and fix our broken loved ones that we don’t realize that, that is not what they need.  They need love, to be hear and to be understood.  It wasn’t until I understood while pleading with God. Jeremiah the prophet says in Jeremiah 18: 1-4

“The word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: ² “Arise, and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will let you hear my words.” ³ So I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was working at his wheel. ⁴ And the vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter’s hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to do.”

God, the potter, wanted to break me as he sought fit. My question to God was, “Why would you want two broken people?” It didn’t make sense to me; however God was using Alejandra’s turmoil to produce the chiseling away of my pride. He wanted to dismiss all I knew and everything I thought made sense so that he could make something new within me.  The more my pride was showing itself in different ways, the clearer it was that he was speaking to me. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it was good that I was chipping away at those pieces of pride.  Even though it was necessary, it caused an unexpected storm within me.

Can I Abandon Ship

 The only way to explain these painful revelations that I too needed remolding was likened to a ship on the seas about to face hurricane Harvey or Irma full on at a category 5.  On a ship the Captain, no matter how dangerous the situation is, must stay on his ship to ensure the safety of his passengers. In an article I read from the New York Times, the writer states,

“The captain goes down with the ship” is a maritime tradition that a sea captain holds ultimate responsibility for both his ship and everyone embarked on it.  In an emergency, he will either save them or die trying.”

I wanted off this “ship” of life and commitment.  How can I not abandon the ship? The ship is going down—in my mind—my fight or flight instincts kicked in and I wanted to run for my life.  Is there someone you love that you can see has their life in pieces?  In your pursuit of helping them, are you seeing a storm start in you?  You weren’t expecting that were you?  Neither was I.  Are you tempted to abandon ship, or are you ready to anchor down and fight through the turbulence that truth sometimes bring.  Life sometimes gets confusing when God allows storms to bring you to pieces.  It was hard to receive Alejandra and God telling me that God was breaking me too! I had to ask myself: how was going down with my ship going to salvage the situation?  Well this exemplifies and embodies when Christ tells us to in Ephesians 5:

 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ²⁶ so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ that He might present to Himself the church ^[a]in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.”

Loving my wife like Christ loved the church not only helped me be made new, but by giving up “me” for her also brought a sanctity to our marriage that we never had before. It brought us together in ways only commitment could.

What if you are saying, David what do I do when the person isn’t my spouse?  Do I still have to give myself for this person?  Look at what John15:13

¹² My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

God is not looking for us to take our lives physically but more spiritually.  Are you willing for God to put YOU on the potter’s wheel so that YOU can help someone else?  It is so easy to drag loved ones to the potter’s wheel and show God the imperfections of their heart, spirit and thought life.  We can easily tell God what needs to be different for them to live a victorious life, but while we stand at the imperfect clay life our loved ones have, will we willingly climb next to them and echo the words in Psalms 139

²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Let’s pray,

Father, we thank your mercy and grace. We especially thank you for our spouse. Lord you know the problems and headaches that may arise in marriage, but we also know the beauty and love there is in marriage as well. Barbara Rainey says “that the beauty of marriage is that two injured, imperfect, sinful souls can live together in harmony and thereby demonstrate to the world that the intentions of God’s original, beautiful, redemptive design are possible.” Teach us Lord this statement is true. I also lift up those friends or family members who we have committed our hearts to being there for them in a painful time.  Help us to have the courage to go on the wheel for them so we can be what they need us to be.  So we invite you to our hearts and our relationships. We praise you for victory and above all, your unfailing love. In your beautiful name we pray, Amen.

Weekly Challenge:

Read Romans 9:20-25.  Is there an area that God is trying to work on you as well as your hurting loved one but you feel it’s all about them?  Take some time to be honest with yourself and God about the areas that you need to change but maybe pride has weaseled in.

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