Tomorrow Isn’t Promised

How does someone naturally react to a person being ripped out of their life unexpectedly?  It was a beautiful July day as she got herself together for work. She took for granted that her husband knew her routine so well that he made her morning tea without even a request. Shortly, after making her tea, her husband left to work on the car. On that day, she went to work at her clinic—as a medical assistant—like usual, but her day would soon turn tragic when two and a half hours later her eldest son called her; something was wrong with her husband. When her husband got on the phone, he could barely articulate the pain he was experiencing in his head. His headache was so massive he could barely think. She told him to put their son back on the phone and then she instructed her son to take his dad to the Emergency Room. After getting off the phone she told her manager that she needed to go to the hospital. She was not too worried because it sounded like a really bad migraine, he’s had those before but not this bad, but everything would be okay.  He dodged too many bullets recently, for a headache to take him out.

A little over an hour later she arrived at the ER where a patient was coding. The alarms were going off and everyone with scrubs, except her, was running to the aid of this patient. To her horror she was watching several nurses, some she knew, go to a stretcher where her husband was! He was convulsing violently, and her son was standing in complete shock. Her world was spinning, her heart seemed to stop and—at that moment—she forgot how to breathe. This couldn’t be happening, she thought. They rushed to her husband and whisked him away to another room leaving her with her son to process the sudden thought that her husband may not make it through…but that was impossible because he was just making her tea before work a few hours ago.

After what seemed like forever, she got to speak with a doctor, and it was not what she was thinking. She was expecting to hear her husband had some kind of attack, but it would be treatable or he had some kind of allergic reaction. Nothing prepared her for the diagnosis. The doctors informed her that her husband had suffered from a brain aneurism. It seemed like he had incurred some head injury as early as when he was a teenager and it slowly caused a thinning of one of his blood vessels causing a build-up and eventually and eruption.  This eruption of blood crushed his brain, which caused a stroke that was so violent that it severed his brain stem from the spinal cord. They did a series of test; the doctors lost all hope of saving him. They said it was clear he was completely brain dead and if he survived, he would be a vegetable for the rest of his life. But they thought it was only a matter of time before he passed.

This woman felt like everything was being said in slow motion and before she knew it, she was falling. Her friend caught her and seated her. This was impossible she thought.

When Death Moves In

She needed to see him, her husband of 19 years could not be leaving her at 41 years old. She walked into the room and he didn’t look like the love of her life. He was swollen and unresponsive. Sadly, this was his second time being in the hospital in 13 months. She could not believe she was here again. She spoke tenderly, yet in a joking firmness, as she told him she wasn’t going to do this again.  He couldn’t keep making this a habit every year.  A nurse was there fixing things and overheard her words. The nurse brought a sense of reality to her as she told this soon to be widow that there was no hope of recovery. She was brutal and loving enough to get this poor wife and her husband to understand what they were facing.  It was in that conversation with the nurse that my mother looked at my father’s face and tears ran the side of his eyes.  It was the only response he gave to hearing the diagnosis that there was no dodging death as he had 13 months before.

Death could not wait to move in and take over everything.  Every day, after losing my father, I was greeted by death and loss every morning and when I got off the elevator to my apartment. They strangled any forms of laughter, joy, happiness, and hope.  I understand loss and grief my friend.  So, I’d be honored to talk about your moments as well. I am sure that both of us handled things differently, but I am sure that there are some things I may understand from my own experience or from what I saw with my mother.

Even though loss is a natural part of life, humanity goes through a grieving process that differs—depending on the circumstances of the loss. There are five stages a person goes through in their grieving process and only you know where you are.  Someone that has had a major loss, experiences the following emotions—maybe not in this order but at some point in their grief process.

• First, a person may go through denial, that what they love is gone. It is very hard to believe it at the moment that you are going to wake up tomorrow—and many tomorrows after—without the thing you love.
• Second, there may even be a moment when you want to believe the loss is only temporary. When it finally hits, the following emotion maybe anger. Anger is a normal emotion to experience when the truth starts to settle in. You need someone or something to blame and that could be someone, a circumstance, God or even yourself.
• Next, depending on the circumstance, you may try to bargain your way out of the loss. If it’s a spouse or fiancée that’s leaving you, you may start asking what you can do differently to get them to stay. You start promising things that you’ll do differently to make them happy.
• Sadly, when your bargaining doesn’t change anything and it hits you that the loss is definite, then depression starts to set in. Let’s stop for a minute to explain this stage.

How do you know if you are battling with depression? Well, some go through a brief mood fluctuation or the feeling of sadness, disappointment, and frustration for a few days. Sadly, there are those that experience these same emotional challenges at a more intense level for a much longer period—weeks, months and even years. Other symptoms go along with it, like loss of interest and changes in appetite (overeating and under eating). These things can lead to prolonged feelings of hopelessness and even thoughts of suicide.

In the upcoming articles, I will be writing about those things as well as a deeper explanation of depression and some things we can do to get out of it.

• Lastly, even though depression is an uncomfortable moment for one to go through, it’s through this time that acceptance comes. Acceptance doesn’t always look pretty as it may be followed by suicidal thoughts. In a few months, I will be addressing that as well.

These Milestones

So how long does this go on?  The first year without my dad was so hard for my mother. My dad was a very domesticated husband. He cooked, he made sure to be home for me and my brother—as much as he could—and to take care of the grocery shopping. That moment when we needed to walk to the grocery store and shop without my dad was painful.  What is there to be thankful for during Thanksgiving?  Who can celebrate a season of giving when so much was taken from you?  For our family to have Father’s Day without a father just reminded us of what we lost. As the years went on the birthdays and the anniversary of the loss, is like a dagger to the heart every time. It is expected that the first year and even the second year, can be very unbearable and can feel like the pain will never end.  It is not rational to try and bounce back so quickly because if you don’t grieve properly, it can come out some other negative way.  The grieving process is different for everyone but one thing I must say, someone who remains in grief past three maybe even four years usually indicates there is something unhealthy going on and that therapy, to help the individual process properly, is necessary.

So what is my first step to getting through this time? Death got its eviction when my mother embraced life.  Not too long after my father passed away, my mother returned to the church.  She gave her heart to the Lord and knew she could not go one more day like this. She knew that she needed him to return joy, happiness, purpose, energy, and hopefulness back into her life.  I will be honest with you that the first day she went to church didn’t remove her feelings of loss and grief, nor did the 2nd or 3rd time.  In fact, her healing took months and it wasn’t until she accepted within herself that God truly loved her and would never leave her this dark place.

Let’s look at a verse found in the famous Psalms 23:4

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

My mother understood that having God in her life did not mean she would never have to face death again, but that she would never have to face it alone. She would always have him with her and because of that, she had nothing to fear.  Not only was she never alone, but when she had to walk through death she knew she would have God comforting her.  He wants to be there for you like he was there for her.

Thank God my mom was able to receive healing and grieve in a healthy way but what happens when it seems like you can’t get passed this? Well, there may be some things that have surfaced from this loss.  Maybe you have hurts from the past—feelings of regret from issues that happened—that were never resolved.  It is possible that you need to consider getting help professionally.  Again, you can’t do this alone.  If you do not have a therapist or a counselor that you can go to, here is a link to Bedrock Ministries Bedrock Ministries.  Bedrock is a counseling ministry that will help walk you through this painful season.  They are a counseling ministry that can at least can advise and begin to point you in the right direction. Also if you would like to hear more about my testimony read my book, “The Threshing: A Weapon Forged by Fire.” Sign up here to read the first three chapters for free!  You can also buy the full book on Amazon!.

I would like to pray for you…

Lord right now I thank you for my dear friend.  They have gone through much and need your help.  God I pray that you would scoop them up and help them in this difficult time.  God allow them to feel your presence and know you are right by their side.  Show them your love and comfort in Jesus name.

If you are in need of anything please contact us or comment below.

It has been such a pleasure reading these articles these last few weeks. One Hot Mess (OHM) has been done such an awesome job of being transparent about how her worship of perfection Click to read, people Click to read, and proving herself Click to read, has kept her from truly being able to love herself.  Her story brings such truth and honesty about what we need to do in order to truly love who we are.    Today we are going to talk about the true meaning of purpose.  Let’s see what OHM has for the ending.

We’ve been discussing some unusual idols over the past few weeks, identifying them in ourselves and tearing them down so that we can find our worth in Jesus. When we find our worth in Him — not in becoming perfect, pleasing people, or proving ourselves — we learn to love ourselves better. To wrap up the Love Yourself Challenge, let’s talk about idolizing our purpose.

Lies I Believed

When I became a stay-at-home-mom I felt like I had no purpose. That sounds ridiculous now, but because I had a job in leadership before I became a mom, I felt like I was downgrading. For the first couple of years of motherhood, I became obsessed with becoming useful. I didn’t know what it was like to not have anything to work on. So I became obsessed with creating my dreams and becoming the woman of my dreams. I wanted to find my purpose now that I was a mom. It continues to sound ridiculous, but I felt so lost. I used to obsess about the future to the point that I didn’t live day by day. I wasn’t satisfied with what God gave me to do each day. I never liked or appreciated “now.”

Purpose was my idol and as I pursued my purpose, life became complicated. Because I was so distracted, I couldn’t manage the “insignificant” life I had. That made me feel even more insignificant. Thank God, I finally learned to manage the little I had, and over time, He began to help me develop the dreams that are in my heart.

When Your Dreams Become an Idol
Have you ever gone after a dream that turned into a nightmare because your real life began to fall apart? There’s nothing wrong with being a dreamer or a visionary or an “ideas person,” but sometimes we can get so focused on the future that we miss today.

Maybe we become consumed with becoming a future version of ourselves or meeting certain goals (i.e. married before 35). Maybe we just dislike the season that we’re in so much that we do everything we can to make it go by faster — we sleep, binge on Netflix and Facebook, daydream, work, brainstorm, plan, complain… all while missing the opportunities and wonder we have right in front of us. Sometimes we even make foolish or destructive decisions that affect the people around us.

It is okay to want God’s direction for the future, but to think that we have no purpose today is not just insecurity, it’s pride. We either completely ignore the fact that God made us and gave us everything we have, or we have the audacity to belittle what He gave us and how he made us.

Valuing Today

To tear down the idol of purpose, take care of the present; I think Jesus gives us a great example of this in the Bible.

Most of us know the parable of the talents from Matthew 25:14-30. In it, a man who was going away on a journey entrusted his wealth to his three servants. He divided the wealth among his servants according to their abilities. One servant got 5 talents (a kind of money), another got 2 talents, and the other got 1.

When the man returned to collect his wealth, he saw that two of his servants invested their talents and gave him back double what he had entrusted to them. Because they did so well, the man said he would put them in charge of more things. However, one servant — the one who only received one talent — buried his talent in the ground instead of doing something with it. The man was angry with this servant for doing nothing with what he entrusted to him and he threw him outside in the darkness where there was “weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

Burying Your Talents
Jesus uses this parable to talk about the “Kingdom of Heaven” which is what we are a part of if we believe in Him. Have you ever considered what it means to bury your talents?

Burying your talents means thinking your talents are not significant enough to “make a difference” to God. It means comparing our talents to other people’s. It means blaming God instead of blessing him for what He gives us

²⁴ “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. ²⁵ So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’  Matthew 25:24-25

It also looks like doing nothing with what you have today. Maybe you don’t see the purpose in what you’ve been entrusted with today so you make nothing of it.

What About The Future?

James 4:13-17 says, “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that. As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they out to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”

This could all be read as, “Don’t procrastinate,” but it also means, “Do what you ought to do today.” Don’t be stuck in dreamland just because you don’t think today is worth anything. Tomorrow isn’t promised to us.

As for the “arrogant” part, it sounds harsh, but to think that today is insignificant in comparison to all you could accomplish tomorrow, is as if “today” is “beneath you.” I certainly thought that way for a while. But we don’t get the right to say that the season we’re in isn’t worth anything. Our “talents” don’t belong to us. The Bible says,

“For from him and through him and for him are all things” (Romans 11:36).

God is expecting a return on His investment because He sees you as valuable. He values you so much, He used His only Son’s blood to redeem you. And He went even further to entrust His possessions to us.

Significant to God

So manage your “talents.” Your “talents” may include your current job, your singleness, your marriage, children, time, home, church, health, friendships, personality, finances, etc. Anything that God gave you as a responsibility is a “talent.” Your talents may not match your big dreams, but God gives you more when you are faithful with little. Do not let the present pass you by — you’ll soon realize how valuable it is and you’ll regret not having invested in it when you had the chance.

If you ever question, doubt, or forget your purpose, just remember your purpose is in Jesus. You belong to Him. Everything else is extra, and that all belongs to Him too. That is who you are; that is what matters more than anything. When all is said and done, when eternity comes we want to hear God say to us, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” That happens by taking care of the present, one-day-at-a-time, and trusting God to give us vision for the future.

What if instead of pursuing our purpose, we pursue Jesus in the present? What if we learned to accept the season we are in and who we are today and allow God to use us as such? Not only would we learn to love ourselves more each day, we would become who God wants us to be, and we would see His dreams — the ones that are bigger and better than any we could dream — come true through us.

Love Yourself Challenge:

This month has been so eye-opening.  The Love Yourself Challenge is a time for us to reflect on what we need to do to have a healthy view of ourselves. How can we do that when we have a warped view of perfection? When we aim for the world’s definition of perfection that we never hit the mark which causes us to turn our eyes on ourselves in a negative way.  We beat ourselves up and are not able to appreciate what God is doing.  As OHM said this month, it is very hard to love ourselves when we are constantly trying to please people.  People’s expectation of us becomes more important than God’s and we put man where God is supposed to be in our lives.  This snowballs to us wanting to prove ourselves so bad that we do not observe the accomplishments we have made because we think success is something else.  We think we failed because we cannot keep up with others. We allow other people’s achievements to be our standard for life.  OHM’s honesty about motherhood was so powerful because the world we live in doesn’t look at motherhood as purpose, they categorize it as a detour or a delay.  But when you leave your identity in the hands of others, you give them the right to define what is the success and true purpose. So before we can drop the weight, get the new hairstyle, take this series and really meditate on the points made these few weeks.

Day 21 — Journaling question: What “talents” has God called you to manage in this season?

Day 22 — Meditate on this Scripture:

“For from him and through him and for him are all things” (Romans 11:36).

Day 23 — Pray and ask God to show you how the dreams you have for tomorrow are connected to the talents he’s given you today.

Day 24 — What is something that you’re struggling to see the “significance” or “purpose” of in the season? Talk to God about how to turn it into worship towards him.

Day 25 — Spend some time reading your Bible and learn something new about who God is today. Pursue Jesus, not to “figure out your purpose,” but just to know Him more.

Day 26 — Celebrate the small things you did well today.

Day 27 — Journaling question: Look back on last year. How have you grown? Thank God.

Day 28 — Where do find your worth? Write in a journal and/or talk to God about this.

Day 29 — Meditate on this Scripture:

“This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)

Day 30 — Count your blessings. Thank God for them and listen to this song by Anthany Evans, “All That Matters.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7B3hmcfL2Dw

Thank you for joining us these last four weeks.  We would love yo hear from you.  Comment below or email us on the side thruthewinters@gmail.com. Also, please follow us on Facebook or Instagram @throughthewinters.com.

It is week three and One Hot Mess(OHM) has given us a lot to think about. It is our desire to get you to see how worshiping things like perfection and pleasing people can keep us from living ourselves.  There is no way we can love ourselves in 2019 without these things being put to the side.  This week OHM will be talking about the disappointments she faced worshiping proving herself.  

In the first week, of this series we talked about perfectionism — especially the fear of failure. This week, I want to talk about success.

Prove Them Wrong

Because of a combination of my upbringing and some of the things I’ve endured, I have always felt a need to be successful. I feel a need to show people not to underestimate me or count me out because of the things I did and who I used to be. For example, there are so many people who know the kind of girl I was in high school and they never imagined I would be in ministry. In fact, a former friend of mine made it clear she didn’t think that I should be a pastor because of all of the things I did. She’s right — because grace makes no sense, and it just proves that Jesus really changes lives — but my feelings were still hurt.

I do feel a responsibility to be an ambassador of Christ. I know that my life now is so vastly different from who I was then that it’s clear that Jesus changed me. However, I still have this side of me that sometimes wants to prove people wrong. I want to prove my worth to the jealous people who don’t think I deserve this new life in Christ. To the people who don’t think I’m capable of the dreams, God has put on my heart. To the people who judge my character.

Sometimes I even want to prove to myself that I’m worthy. I have peers who are completing their masters degrees and buying houses, but I don’t even have my bachelor’s and it’s only by God’s grace that we’re able to raise a family with all of our student loan debt. Sometimes I make my worth based on how “successful” I am.

The Idol of “Proving Yourself”
Sometimes our motives, even as Christians, can be founded on things other than Jesus. Honestly, nothing but Jesus should be our motivation in life, but it is so easy to base our success on milestones we set for ourselves, how well we’re doing in our careers, how good our kids are, how educated we are, or how proud our parents are of us. Thankfully, my parents are just proud that I’m in God’s will for my life, but when I put my worth in my success, it sometimes doesn’t feel like being in God’s will really matters. Yikes! That how you know that “proving yourself” or “success” is an idol.

Why does it matter? Well, the “success” we gain apart from God doesn’t fulfill us the way we think it would because it often costs us what God has already given us. In my pursuit of success before and after Jesus, I wasn’t connecting with God and hearing from Him the way I needed to, my effectiveness in ministry was weakened, and my marriage and family suffered — all because I was chasing my own glory. I didn’t even know it because the way I was chasing seemed good to me!

Defined By Our Successes

Success looks different for all of us, but the real kind of success is founded in what God wants. His best is better than what we think is best. His best is the best; ours just isn’t. Seeking things apart from God is selfish ambition, and that tends to cost us our relationships with God and our families, and our impact for His Kingdom.

Is it worth it? When we’re in Heaven, will the success we chase outside of Christ really be worth it? No. We don’t take any of what we gained for our own glory to Heaven with us. Our glory ceases to exist in Heaven, but God’s glory goes on forever and ever.

What Is God’s Definition of Success?
To tear down the idol of “proving yourself,” we have to find our success in God.

The hard part of tearing down the “prove yourself” idol is discerning what God’s definition of success is for us. Especially those of us who are Christians, we can see a good thing, like having a successful ministry, as something God wants when all He really wants is for us to read our Bibles every day during this season and call that a win. Just because it’s “good,” doesn’t mean it’s God.

So how do we know God’s definition of success for our lives? The Bible says,

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

Unlearn and Renew

I think the reason we can be so caught up with trying to prove ourselves is we adopt the world’s definition of success. We may be so focused on the culture around us, that we miss what God wants for each of us. I’m not just talking about the “world” of non-Christians, I mean “Christian culture” too. Sometimes we lazily go along with what everyone else in the church is doing without having the consistent relationship with God that we need for our own direction. Yes, fellowship is good and essential for spiritual growth, but if fellowship takes the place of seeking God for ourselves, we won’t really know what success is.

However, when we continually renew our minds we are transformed and conformed to be more like Jesus. The key is, the Bible says “renewing,” not a one time “renew.” You have to allow God to do His work daily.

Long-term Success
So commit to having your mind renewed every day (i.e. spend time reading God’s word and in prayer). Then you will be able to understand what God wants. The beauty of Romans 12:2 is the promise that God’s will is good, pleasing and perfect. It may require giving up standards and desires that seem right and feel good now but are not God’s best. Still, His will is good, pleasing and perfect. It is beyond what you can ask or think. His will benefits you and God.

What if instead of hustling and bustling to become what the world wants, or what we think we should become, we ask God what His definition of success is for us? What if we stopped trying to fit into the habits of this world and allowed God to renew our minds and transform us so that we could live out His will for us? Maybe we would have peace about the things we do. Maybe we would know God’s voice. Maybe we would stop putting our worth in things that won’t last. We would lose the stress of trying to prove to people that we’re something and just be who God says we are and walk in the calling He has for our lives. We would be less distracted by comparing ourselves to others and actually make a lasting difference for God’s glory. And I think we wouldn’t just love ourselves, we might actually like ourselves too.

Love Yourself Challenge

Day 13 — Ask yourself, “What patterns can I start to renew my mind every day?

Day 14 — Pray and ask God to show you His definition of success for you for each day, for this season, for your life, etc.

Day 15 — Meditate on this Scripture:

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden in Christ with God. When Christ, who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory” (Colossians 3:1-4).

Day 16 — Take a look at how you plan your week. Does your schedule reflect God’s definition of success for you?

Day 17 — Talk to God about the areas of your life where you may want your glory instead of His.

Day 18 — Journal question: Where does my desire to prove myself come from?

Day 20 — Meditate on this Scripture:

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

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It has been my pleasure to have One Hot Mess (OHM) sharing so transparently about her struggles with loving herself. How can we really love ourselves when we worship things other than God? OHM has done such an amazing job at sharing the things that she put in place of God Click to read, which kept her from seeing herself the way God does. This week will be no different. Let’s see what my friend has to say.

I Used to Worship People-Pleasing

I am the former President of People-Pleasers Anonymous. I used to worship people-pleasing. (I really tried to find a better way to say that, but I couldn’t think of anything. It wasn’t enough to say “I worshiped people” or “I worshiped acceptance.”)

I was obsessed with having people like me. I think the obsession stemmed from knowing what it’s like to be an outsider, feeling unworthy and unwanted. I didn’t want other people to feel the way I felt, and I know that even the best people are capable of hurting other people, so I feared hurting people’s feelings. It’s a good quality to have to treat people the way you want to be treated, but feeling responsible for everyone else’s feelings is a trap. I feared hurting people’s feelings because I didn’t want to be on the outside… It was a vicious cycle. That’s why I was the president.

The Disease to Please

After a while, trying to read everyone’s mind, wondering who’s mad at you, why you weren’t invited, what they would think if you did this or that, and trying to force people to like you more than they already do (or don’t), makes you CRAZY.

I was such a people-pleaser, I let pleasing people become my god. I valued other people’s opinions and voices over God’s. Honestly, if God didn’t break through to me by allowing me to disappoint some of the people who matter most to me and deal with it, I probably would not have changed. And I’ll be honest — it hurt so much. I’m grateful for it now, but I hated it during the process.

If you’re not one of those people who struggle with people-pleasing, I seriously envy you on a jealousy-is-a-sin level. I think that very few of us don’t have an issue, and those few are either miraculously healthy (mentally and emotionally speaking) or psychopaths (no shade — Jesus loves them, too).

Good Intentions Gone Wrong
I’m not a data or stats expert, but I think most of us want to please someone — our spouse, our kids, our parents, our friends, etc… We want the people we care about to be happy, and we like to contribute toward that happiness. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, looking to the interests of others, even over our own interests, is what Jesus does. However, people-pleasing becomes an idol when your worth is defined by how much those people are happy with us.

If you’re not sure if this is an issue for you, ask yourself, “If [BLANK] wasn’t happy with me, how would I see myself?” Fill in the blank.

We are not always going to make people happy. In fact, if people were always happy with us, I would question whether we’re being authentic or honest with them, or whether we’re happy. But my opinion doesn’t matter much, let’s see what God says about people-pleasing.

What the Bible Says About People Pleasing

Paul wrote the Letter to the Galatians to confront them on some bad teaching that was being spread among some of the Galatians Christians. He said in Galatians 1:10,

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Paul then went on to address some hypocrisy he was seeing in the church, including how he called Peter out for being in the wrong about trying to make Gentile believers be circumcised like the Jewish believers. He even went so far as to say that those who wanted Gentiles to be circumcised should cut off “the whole thing.” He certainly cared more about pleasing God than pleasing people.

Do you think Paul wanted people to like him? I would be shocked if he didn’t. He knew what it was like to be rejected. When he became a Christian he wasn’t quickly accepted by others because they were afraid of him. He saw so many people as important to him and it seemed that at times he wished he could be at all of the churches at once because he loved being with them. He often reminded the churches of his love for them in his letters. But the most important thing to Paul was sharing the gospel, and he wasn’t afraid of offending people by it because he was sharing truth. His worth was not based on how much people were happy with Him, it was founded in Christ.

So, we see clearly that to serve God and please Him, we won’t always please people, and pleasing people shouldn’t be our goal.

Pleasing God

To tear down the idol of people-pleasing, please God. The good news is pleasing God doesn’t always mean disappointing people. The bad news is, it could mean disappointing people. Scratch that — I’m sorry — that was the residue of the people-pleaser typing. What I really mean is, pleasing God, whether it disappoints people or not, is always good news. Because the good news is, Christ made us perfect to God and our faith in Him pleases God.

God’s word tells us not to fear man, but fear the one who can destroy our soul. That is God — He could destroy our souls, but in Christ, He won’t.

As for the disappointment of others, you are not responsible for making them happy. You are called to love, but love doesn’t always look like “happiness.” Love looks like discipline so that someone doesn’t get hurt or go down the wrong path. Love looks like setting boundaries so that you can take care of yourself and fill up on that love. You can’t pour out your love towards others if you’re empty. Love looks like seeking God for His, “Yes,” and saying, “No” if you don’t have that peace. Love looks like having the freedom to show it, instead of being pressured or forced. (If someone is forcing you to “love” them, that’s not love, in case you were wondering.) Love gives others the freedom to reciprocate.

Because He First Loved Us

I want to give you a different perspective of the following verses:

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives our fear, because fear has to do with punishment, The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loves us” (1 John 4:18-19).

On one hand, we understand that when we love God out of fear (not the good kind) that means we haven’t been “made perfect” in love — or Love hasn’t completed His work in us. It means we haven’t really put our faith in Jesus who saves us from the punishment we fear.

On the other hand, we see that if we haven’t been made perfect in love, then we can’t love. Again, “We love because he first loves us.” If we aren’t secure in God’s love, how will we love others? More so, if we are “loving” other people out of fear that they may not love us, is that really love? God doesn’t want us to love Him like that, why would he want us to love others that way?

These verses encourage us to let Him first complete His love in us so that we can love others. If we are focused on pleasing people over God, we can’t truly love them. We need to believe in God’s love for us in order to love others. This faith in action pleases Him and tears down our idols.

Acting Out Our Faith
What if we choose to please God over people? We may find that our “yeses” are “yeses” and our “no’s” are “no’s” — we would be more committed to the things God is calling us to do and we would keep the promises we make. We might find that we’re more effective in our spaces of influence — our families, jobs, churches, etc. We might find that we are able to better love the people in our lives, maybe even through discipline or distance, for God’s glory. We may find that we have deeper relationships with God than ever as we go to Him to hear what He wants. He’ll become our source of worth. We may find that we love ourselves in a way that we haven’t before because we see ourselves in God’s eyes, not in people’s eyes.

Love Yourself Challenge:

Day 7 — Journaling question: Am I trying to live up to other people’s expectations of me, or God’s expectations of me?

Day 8 — Meditate on this Scripture: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives our fear, because fear has to do with punishment, The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loves us” (1 John 4:18-19).

Day 9 — Write yourself a love letter from God, reminding you of how He sees you. Use Scripture to back it up.

Day 10 — Research some books you can read (or listen to via audiobook) that will help you learn to say, “No.” Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend is a good one. You can find that on the right side of the website.  Another good one is, The Best Yes, by Lysa TerKeurst.

Day 11 — Who are you afraid to disappoint? Talk to God about this.

Day 12 — Pray this prayer:

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)

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Happy New Year!!!  You know what that means…It’s our Love Yourself Challenge (LYC).  Every January we have taken it to love ourselves.  It is not what others have made it.  It’s not about losing weight or pampering ourselves.  Those are only cover-ups to our deeper issues. In the month of July, we met a friend of mine, One Hot Mess (OHM for short). OHM shared how she had created a world of lies. Click to read, but in this amazing testimony, she showed how God’s saving grace kept her from prostitution and death. So for the month of January One Hot Mess has agreed to share more about herself to help us love ourselves better. Let’s start our January  journey.

About The “I Used To Worship” Series

The Bible makes it clear that idol worship is detestable to God. Most of us don’t think we have an issue with worshipping idols because our idols don’t look like the statues and poles and altars of the Old Testament. They don’t look like the pagan festivals of the New Testament. If we don’t worship present-day idols like money, politics, and fame, we assume that idolatry could never be an issue for us, especially those of us who faithfully follow Jesus.

In this series, I want to address the kind of idols that none of us can see but all of us can easily begin to put our trust in if we’re unaware. Some of us don’t even realize that we have disguised these idols as Christianity. I used to worship them myself, and now I can say that though I still struggle sometimes, I try to make the daily choice to worship only Jesus now that I’m aware. It’s these same idols that often prevent us from loving ourselves because they are rooted in rejection, abandonment, and shame. So, to kick off this New Year, we will be actively tearing down those idols. In doing so, we will deepen our relationships with God and truly learn to love ourselves.

I Used To Worship Perfection

Speaking of New Years, I have a love-hate relationship with New Year’s resolutions. I love the freshness that a New Year brings and the possibilities of a new season. I enjoy the challenge that comes with setting new goals for big dreams to happen. But I hate resolutions. I hate the fact that I would set resolutions — completely unrealistic ones — and I’d fail at them by February or March. Other times, if it seemed like my resolutions wouldn’t happen by June, I’d give up. So I stopped making resolutions altogether.

I stopped believing in resolutions because I hated failure. I would always take failure so personally because I was a chronic perfectionist. Instead of seeing failure as something I did wrong, I would attribute my failures to my character. So if I couldn’t be perfect or do perfect, I would settle for less, not try at all, or give up. I was paralyzed with fear that making mistakes would make me unlovable.

Perfection was my idol, not just at the beginning of the year, but every day. The fear of failure carried into my family life, my friendships, my career — even my relationship with God. My perfectionism looked like procrastination, trying to control outcomes and people, beating myself up over the smallest things for weeks, etc. My lack of perfection consumed my life. And when you’re worshiping an ideal of yourself that isn’t necessarily who God wants you to be, it’s hard to love yourself.

Defined By Our Failure

None of us likes to fail, but failure is inevitable. The problem is when we let our failures and successes define us, we put an enormous amount of pressure on ourselves. Under that kind of pressure we either steal God’s glory, thinking that every success is up to us (which is another blog for another day), or we break and give up when we fail. Maybe we think we should just be mediocre because we fear that if we “reach for the stars” we’ll fall. We may even accept mediocrity as a facade of perfection even though it’s not our best. Maybe we are in constant competition with ourselves and there’s never a winner. When we worship perfection, we never see ourselves as good enough, there is always something to improve, and we are critical towards others. Ultimately, we do fail because whether we attempt to achieve it or not, our standard is impossible.

The crazy thing is, the answer to our perfectionist problems is not to stop trying to be perfect. Jesus actually said,

“Be perfect just as your Father in heaven is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48).

That doesn’t necessarily mean doing perfect things, instead it means being “whole, complete, full of integrity.” Another way to put that is to be holy or to be one with God. The only way we can do that is through Jesus.

When we accept his death on the cross for our sins and His resurrection that gives us new life, we become instantly perfect in God’s sight. The Bible says

“[God] made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” 2 Corinthians 5:21.

Jesus took our place (sin) so that we could take His place (perfect). The more we grow in relationship with Him, the more we become one with Him. That is called sanctification or becoming holy.

How to Be Perfect

So, to tear down the idol of perfection, you have to accept Jesus’ perfection. Yes, you will still struggle with your sinful nature until Jesus returns but, in Christ, you are not defined by our sin any longer. The Bible says, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Through Christ, God sees you as perfect. The hard part is believing that. Choose every day to remind yourself of your righteousness in Christ and the sanctification that is taking place. Choose every day to separate your failure from who you are. In order to define yourself by who God says you are, you have to replace your definition of who you or the world thinks you are.

So stop striving. The truth is, nothing you do can make God love you less. God knew the ugliest parts of who you are and still sent His only Son to die on the cross for you. Jesus made you perfect when He said, “It is finished.” Your day-to-day failure cannot undo that — and His righteousness and your perfection to God matters more than what you or the world thinks about you.

Allow God’s love to be enough for you and stop living for an image or idol of yourself that He never intended you to live. Find your freedom in Him. As for your flesh — the part that you struggle with every day because it hasn’t caught up to your soul’s perfection — God is working on that too and He promises to complete the good work that He started. When you believe that, His Spirit helps you to live it. Hallelujah!

Defined by Jesus

What if we realized that we are defined by Jesus — not what we do? Yes, the Bible says that people are known by their fruit (what they show through their life), but remember that we want the Fruit of the Spirit, not the Fruit of the Striving. That means the Holy Spirit is the One who has to grow that fruit in us — God is working in us! What if we rested in Jesus’ work? What if we dwelled on that instead of the ways we fall short in our flesh? What if we went to our Father — our Daddy God — every day and let Him remind us of who we are?

I think all of that time spent with Him, abiding in God, would turn into that “fruit” that we desperately want to see John 15:1-5. I think we would find that when we fail it’s not the end of the world because that doesn’t make us failures, that makes us human and gives God an opportunity to show His power. We would see how God is making us more like Him. We would love who we are just as much as the person we are becoming. We would find that our actions match our desire for God more and more everyday. We would have joy and peace. We would be less anxious and depressed because we would realize that we are already perfect.

Love Yourself Challenge

Day 1  — Listen to the song “Who You Say I Am” by Hillsong Worship. If you can, sing it over yourself. Listen to and sing the words like you believe them about yourself, declaring freedom in Christ and your identity in Him. 

Day 2 — Journal the answer to the question, “what if I fail?” Then write God’s truth in response to what you wrote. 

Day 3 — Read and meditate on Romans chapter 8 today.

Day 4 — At the end of the day, talk to God about the ways you messed up. Then forgive yourself because He has forgiven you. 

Day 5 —Meditate on Philippians 1:6 — “I am sure of this very thing — that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the Day of Christ Jesus.”

Day 6 — Pray this prayer today: Have your way in me, Holy Spirit. 

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If You Only Knew

It’s Christmas Eve!! It is our last article in 2018, so it’s a perfect time for us to talk about what tomorrow looks like.  What does 2019 have for all of us?  Have you ever wished that you could go through time and see all the highs and lows to come?  Maybe we wouldn’t be so uptight about where we are right now if we knew that there was something awesome coming down the pipeline. Perhaps we could avoid that friend, that guy, that girl who will betray us, lie to us or ditch us.  How about if you got to see your future spouse who was waiting for you or maybe an inheritance that would get you out of debt, or that dream job you’ve always hoped for, would you feel more content then with your current situation knowing that it will get better?

The last three weeks we have been talking about the things that we need to do in order to have a different outcome in our year.   The first week we were talking about the power of the chains of addiction, habits, and hang-ups.  Those chains are so restricting that we can’t honestly see our life the way God wants us to.  We learned that God has the key to free us, but we also discovered that it is up to us to walk out of the cell.  God may give us the key but at times walking out and staying out can be the hardest move.   The following week we talked about “The Power of Change.”  It’s a journey we must take; we talked about the things we can’t take with us on this trip.  Change is a process that must happen to become the new person God has called us to be.  If we don’t do things differently, then we are just going to make the same mistakes we’ve made before.  Lastly, we need to have towards God in order to allow him to help us be better.  If we can’t see how our old ways can sabotage the new things He is doing in us, then all we will do is continue to fall short.  In this week’s article, we are going to look at the new future we have when we finally allow Jesus to be the one in charge over our lives.  

I was reminded of a time when I went to share my testimony at a church.  I have been blessed every time I’ve shared my story, but at this church, I experienced one of my most emotional moments.  It was a warm Sunday morning in July, and I prepared to speak at The Harbor, then called “Lamb’s Chapel,” and the Senior Pastor, Michael Jankowski, didn’t want to do the service in a traditional way.  He asked me if it would be okay if he could do more of a sit-down interview with me in front of his congregation.  Though I never did anything like that before, I agreed and thought that it would be cool.  He was perfect as he expressed his emotions from reading my book and asked questions that were spot on to help those who hadn’t read it to better help them understand its contents.  I was able to get through every question he and the congregation had without any tears.

Only God Knows

Pastor Mike invited me to come not just so I could share about my life experiences, but he wanted me to take some time and encourage those in the audience who may have gone through the same or similar struggles that I did.  He proceeded to put up verses from the Bible on

Jeremiah 29:11 was the first one the brought me great emotion.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

The moment I saw this verse I froze as a huge lump formed in my throat.  It was so big that I was unable to speak.  Pastor Mike started reading it, and I was quickly whisked away to the time where I was about 13 or 14 years of age where I was crying in my bed because I was convinced that life wasn’t going to get any better than my abuse and my sin.  My hope was completely snuffed out.  My future was bleak and non-existent.  Then I remember the soft, warm voice of God whispering to me that he loved me and he had a plan for me.  I couldn’t imagine at that time of darkness the bright future that was in store for me.

When you look at God’s words here, how comforting is it for all of us that HE knows and has plans for us?  So many times we become angry because we think that our life is out of control and God could never do anything with our struggles but “He knows.”  Sometimes we hate the fact that only God knows what our future holds, but we have to trust in the fact that “He” has a plan.  He can use our failures, our additions, pain and hurts to give us a brighter and “new” future.

Many people have quoted this verse but only used the first part of it.  By doing so, they have allowed for widespread opportunities of misinterpretations from what God truly meant by this statement.  I’ve seen “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord” translated by many in ways to cause more confusion and fear.

“God you know what your plans are but I don’t know.  What are they God!?”

“God I’ve screwed up, so are you planning to punish me?  Are you planning to give me exactly what I deserve?”

“Is there anything to hope for? I’ve lost so much and gained so little.”

God spoke these words as a means to comfort, and many have received it as words of confusion, doubt, and fear.  I love the fact that there is a completion of the statement.  “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,” God tells us ahead of time that he plans to prosper us.  He plans to make us flourish, thrive and to grow strong and healthy.  Yes, we deserve punishment at times, but instead of giving us judgment and vengeance he says he plans to give us, “hope and a future.”

Without God the only future we have is destruction!!  But with God, we have a NEW future.  I don’t know about you, but whenever I think of this, I can’t help but have high expectations for my tomorrow.  I don’t have to worry about the struggle in front of me as we talked about in the beginning.  Why fret about the today?  I don’t have to worry about others letting me down because my God will never let me down.  I can put my trust in him to shape my tomorrow perfectly.  It also means that when hard times come, that I didn’t cause, I can be comforted by His words due to the fact He is in control and is using every moment to build character in me.  So what happens when I deserve punishment because I didn’t listen and I am back in the prisons He delivered me from?  Well, God looks at me and gives me new mercy every single morning of my life and allows me to pick up the pieces and begin again.

Back To The Future

Pastor Mike was waiting for me to answer his question, but all I could do was cry, and even now I’m doing the same because I remembered the day when I finally believed that there was more for me.  I remember the day that I let God rebuild my future and of how, in my wildest dreams, I never thought it would look like this.  I could barely speak by the time Pastor Mike asked me to pray for the people who came up to the altar at the end of it all.  All I could do was close my eyes, bite my lip and remember when those faces were all in my dreams.  God told me there was a plan he had for me, but it never looked so perfect.  How could all my failures, doubts, and mess-ups equal this?  I looked into the face of my future and was so humbled by the outcome.

As I prayed at the altar full of people, I wept for them knowing that they were going to have to make the decisions I made to walk through the prison doors, go on the journey to change, get a new perspective of God so I can embrace all he had for me.

Psalms 5:2-4

Hear my cry for help,

my King and my God,

for to you I pray.

In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;

in the morning I lay my requests before you

and wait expectantly.

For you are not a God who is pleased with wickedness;

with you, evil people are not welcome.

Weekly Challenge:

So 2018 is almost over.  Have you laid your requests before God?  What are you expecting your future to look like?  I want to encourage you to believe for everything that God promises.   In order to see them entirely come to life, however, you must truly love him and really surrender your will to Him.  Many forget that God is a gentleman.   They ask for His blessings and protection but yet live and behave in ways that do not honor Him.  He does not force His ways upon us, it is our choice but what He has is good, it is prosperity, it is hope.  It may not be in the ways you had hoped, but it is in a way that will guarantee success in your future with Him forever.

If you would like to see the interview at the Harbor click here on this link. Also if you would like to hear more about my testimony read my book, “The Threshing: A Weapon Forged by Fire.” Sign up here to read the first three chapters for free!  You can also buy the full book on Amazon!.  We would also love to hear from you. Lastly, we are now on Instagram @throughthewinters so start following us! Hope to see you then!

Happy New Year from all of us here at Through the Winters Ministry!

God Bless

These Three Things

What are some things we need to do to experience a new life that is exciting, fulfilling and worth fighting for?  Last week, we talked about what motivates us to change and what we need to do in order to begin that change.   In addition to what we discussed last week, there are three additional things we need to help achieve that goal? Conversation, communion, and union may seem like they are insignificant, but they are the foundation of everything.  We need a new conversation with God, pursue real communion and desire a new union with God.

I know that when we think of change, we are not thinking about these three things.  Close to fifteen years ago Sam and I were deep debt. We owed several thousands of dollars, our car had been repoed and we were losing our home.  Before we finally lost our home, I spent so many days having anxiety attacks that we would be homeless.  When you have a one-year-old and you are inches away from being homeless, the end of the year never looked so grim.  I could not wish my debt away, I couldn’t even pray them away.  Before God could remove my debt he used it to change me from the inside out.  Before God can change your situation he needs to change you from the inside out.

Let’s look at the first one.  What are your conversations with God like?  Do you even have one with him?  I don’t like saying “pray” much anymore because in this day and age prayer has become ritualistic, a one-sided recital of what we want and don’t want.  Prayer is supposed to be seen as one speaking honestly, openly and transparently; waiting patiently for a response from their Lord.  During this time we need to share our perception of our situation and ask God to give us his.  God is not intimidated by our perception.  He knows we are limited in our knowledge, abilities and that our perception of things is seen through tiny lenses.  I believe that God is excited when we come to him because we recognize our need of him and it provides the opportunity for him to blow us away with the truth of our situation.  Things may not always make sense, and it may seem like he’s not getting it, but—if we can continue to push through, we will see God do something amazing.

When I lost my home and my car I had an unfavorable view of God and God did not hold it against me.  He knew that I was more focused on what I lost than what he had in store for me and it would take for me to come to him completely transparent.

A New Mission

During our conversations with God, we need to go with a purpose—a new mission.  Are we going to God because we have to fulfill a quota or keep the boogiemen away?  When I go to God in prayer, it’s not just to get, but to learn.  For example, in my moment before the Lord, I let him know what is on my heart but I also take the opportunity to seek his wisdom in helping me learn how to handle situations I may be facing.  It is also in those times that God shows me how much he truly loves me and of how he hears every single prayer I pray.   If you truly seek to get close with God, create a realistic schedule that focuses around God and not one that fits him into everything else.  

The next foundational piece is communion.  Some people believe that communion is eating stale crackers and drinking grape-flavored water.  But the definition of communion means “the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level.”  God desires for you to exchange intimate thoughts and feelings.  We may pray to God, but when we are intimate with him—share a deeper side of ourselves that we don’t show often—we go from conversation to communion.

However, many fear true communion with God because it is this time he deals with real issues.  In my times of prayer, I can riddle of a line or two of things that I believe God wants to hear.  I will deal with surface things and speak to him as I would mask it with everyone else.   However, there are those moments where I feel a “push” to be real with him—so I take off the mask and stop the gibberish.  I can’t count the number of times, in true communion, where I have broken down crying in frustration and found myself asking God the “whys” and “how” of what was going on in my life.  It wasn’t how I intended to enter that time of communion, but it was his.  Real times of communion is too intimate for the fake us to exist, and it can be intimidating because we are all about keep up a façade’ and making people think we have it all together, but it’s time for something new.   God is not falling for the mask we enter with.  He demands authenticity and vulnerability.  So the question we need to ask our self is if we are willing to surrender the “false” us to God?

I know we have to let go of the fake us but what else keeps us from having true intimacy.  First, we have to admit that sometimes we seek intimacy to please ourselves.  We are more focused on gratifying ourselves and not having a better relationship with God.  Then we may attempt closeness with God so that we can feel significant.  At times we long to have this communion with God only so we can be seen in a certain way with others.  Lastly, we may do it so we can have a sense of security.  Many have a relationship with God out of fear that they will lose their spot in Heaven.  If we can be honest, we don’t want to go to hell, so we go through the motions so that we know we did what we needed to to make it through those pearly gates.

New Relationship

God wants to have a new relationship with us, but we have to admit that these things hinder sincere communion.  God’s deepest desire through fellowship is union.  What is the main thing that blocks union and keeps us from having that new life? Yes, we have spoken about it before, but it is worth saying over and over again. Un-forgiveness keeps us stuck in every single area of our life.  It is not unforgiveness that someone has against us, but it’s unforgiveness we have against others.

Today, we know Peter in the Bible as being the one who was instrumental in starting the church.  Before he could walk in confidence as he did in Acts and stand up against those that opposed the church, he needed first to forgive, not just others but himself.  Sadly, the three years Peter spent promising Christ that he would declare his name—follow him forever and wherever—ended when he denied having anything to do with Jesus.  Peter allowed his fear to make him turn his back on Jesus and didn’t know what to do with himself after Jesus’ death.  After Jesus resurrected, he went to Peter personally and gave him the opportunity to experience the new life that God had for him.

Take a minute to read John 21:15-25. Jesus is resurrected and is talking to Peter for the first time after he denied knowing Jesus three times.  Jesus asks Peter and he answered yes and with every yes Jesus replied fo him to feed Jesus’ sheep.  But while Jesus was giving him the opportunity to forgive himself, Peter questioned Christ about another disciple.  I love how the Lord answered, “What I do with him is my business, not yours.  Stay focused.”  God was trying to forgive Peter and give him an opportunity to have a new life, free of the chains of denying Christ, but Peter’s eyes were so focused on someone else.  So many times God is trying to have a new connection with us, but our eyes are locked on something old or other people.  How can God have a meaningful relationship with us when we are not willing to embrace what God is doing?

There are too many things in this world that we can’t control like war, homelessness, and nature but we can control something important – ourselves.  We can change the trajectory of our future.   While God was taking away my debt one penny at a time, I learned to love him more.  I was then given a new way to communicate, became more transparent and reconnect with him.   

Next week is the last part of this series, and we are going to talk about having a new future.  It’s going to be 2019 in a few days.  God has incredible things for us, but we have to be willing walk out of our prison, make the necessary changes and embrace new thinking; that way we can have a future that is better than we ever had it.  Please follow us on Facebook and Instagram @throughthewinters.com

**Some of this article comes from a lecture held by Dr. Gary W. Moon called, Spiritual Freedom Disarming Strongholds and Changing Habits at Liberty University.

I Know, But Dream Again

What could we lose if we stop dreaming and refused to believe God? Last week we started talking about two very broken women, Naomi and Ruth.  Naomi was Ruth’s mother-in-law; sadly both of them had experienced devastating tragedies.  In Naomi’s determination to survive a famine in her land, her and her husband left to find a place that could support both of them and their two sons.  Unfortunately, tragedy hit when Naomi’s husband died suddenly.  Her two boys continued on this journey with her and found two wonderful women, Ruth being one of them, but again tragedy struck.  This time it was double the blow when both sons died—leaving behind their wives and mother.  Naomi made the hard decision to go back to her homeland alone, urging her daughters-in-law to do the same in hopes that they could still remarry.  Ruth refused to go back to her family and chose to stay with Naomi.   Nothing was going to separate her from this woman except death.

What do you say to people who once saw you as rich, wealthy and well-off only to return to them in poverty, broken and in need?  Well, after several years of being away Naomi faced old friends who knew her before her departure.  With love, they greeted her—with bitterness she refused comfort.

So the two of them went on until they came to Bethlehem. And when they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them.  And the women said, “Is this Naomi?”  She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me.  I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?”  So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabite her daughter-in-law with her, who returned from the country of Moab. And they came to Bethlehem at the beginning of barley harvest. (Ruth Chapter 1 verses 19-22)

Naomi’s original name meant “pleasantness” but she no longer found anything in her life to be pleasant.  Rightfully so, she found herself worse off than when she left.  How embarrassing is it to take a step of faith to preserve what you have only to find yourself falling flat on your face?  She had nothing…but a daughter-in-law who was going through her own loss.  She corrects the people and says, call me Mara— which means “bitter.”  She saw nothing good about her situation; she took it all as punishment from God.  She felt forced to leave and now “the Almighty has dealt bitterly with” her.  Now she returned with absolutely nothing—but she did have something.

Sometimes when we are in the midst of the most painful parts of our story, we can’t see the truth.  Naomi’s definition of God was inaccurate, and that’s okay.   Maybe you feel that God has done some things to you that have caused you to feel bitter. Perhaps you feel like he took the most important thing from you, or allowed things to happen and you can only see Him as the sole culprit in the crimes committed against you.  Let me say, I understand, I genuinely do.

There was a time in my life when I was so bitter against God that I could feel myself slipping away.  I thought of Him as a true puppet master who pushes me into the most horrific situations only so that He could come to my rescue.  He could have easily stopped certain things from even happening, but instead, he allowed them so that I would need him.  When I was hurting and angry, I didn’t care if God was insulted by my view of Him.  

There were those who listened to my hurt and didn’t focus on the nonsense that came from my mouth.  They were just there for me, they showed sympathy.  Sometimes you don’t need someone to criticize your feelings but instead, one who is willing to listen to your pain.  Of course, to believe the worst about God is wrong and deep down inside you know that; however, I believe that He allows some leniency for a short period until you learn to adjust the pain.   

This past summer I did a series on the book, “The Shack.”   It was such a beautiful story but what was even more beautiful to me was the author’s ability to accurately depict the pains of a hurting person and God’s refusal to take it personally.  CLICK TO READ  God walks the roads of trials and tribulations with us—even though it may not feel like He is.  When the urge to turn and blame Him rises, I believe He understands; He knows we don’t have the bigger picture.  

Now, DO NOT misinterpret what I am saying here.  In no way am I advocating the right to speak of our Lord in an offensive and blasphemous way.  But when we are angry and believe that He is at fault or does not care about what we feel, He will allow a tantrum or two.  He allows enough slack for us to regroup and begin to see things clearer.

Bitter to Sweet Dreams

Even in her bitter state, Naomi continues to dream…

Then Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, “My daughter, should I not seek rest for you, that it may be well with you?  Is not Boaz our relative, with whose young women you were?  See, he is winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor.  Wash therefore and anoint yourself, and put on your cloak and go down to the threshing floor, but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking.  But when he lies down, observe the place where he lies. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down, and he will tell you what to do.”  And she replied, “All that you say I will do.” (Chapter 3 verses 2-5)

In those days, women were not allowed to work—they were forced to depend on a man for their provisions.  So when Naomi’s husband died, she still had her boys.  However, when her boys died, she was in a perilous place.  Ruth was not in such a sad state because she was young enough to find another husband.  Now the only saving grace that they had was if Naomi’s husband would have a brother, an uncle or any male relative who would be willing to buy back the property her husband previously had and was willing to take care of them.  A man by the name of Boaz was a relative of Naomi’s husband so he was considered as one who could redeem them.

When Naomi found out, she told Ruth how to get Boaz to see that Ruth wanted to be redeemed by him.  She tells her what she needed to do in verse 3. However one of her instructions is weird but it was their way of a woman proposing to a man.  Ruth was to uncover Boaz’s feet and lay down where his feet are.  If Boaz were to take Ruth, then both women would find themselves taken care of and able to look at tomorrow differently.

Who Benefits From Our Dreams?

Ruth followed Naomi’s instructions to the letter and in chapter 4 we read the incredible story of Boaz and Ruth marrying each other and that they had children.  Was that it?  Was marriage and motherhood all that she dreamed of?  When we dig deeper, we find out that the couple showed another side of God to the town. 

Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer and may his name be renowned in Israel!  He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him.”  Then Naomi took the child and laid him on her lap and became his nurse.  And the women of the neighborhood gave him a name, saying, “A son has been born to Naomi.” They named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David. (Ruth Chapter 4 verses 14-17)

So what could we lose if we stopped dreaming and refused to believe God?

1. A better taste of God:   (vs14) Naomi called herself bitter in the earlier verses because of the constant let downs and tragic losses.  She attributed her misfortune to the one who gives blessings.  The reason why God is not offended when we credit him with our pain is that he knows the plans he has for us. (Jeremiah 29:11).  When we are willing to dream again, we restore his name to all who witness. 
2. A chance to see God’s real character:  When Naomi came back to her hometown, Naomi presented God as a cruel thief.  He took away her prized possessions and left her abandoned and empty.  But in vs 15 all who witness everything said he is a “restorer of life” and a “nourisher of old age.”  When we keep believing that there is more to life than when things are thrown at us, we can identify the real thief (John 10:10) and the real hero in our story. 
3. A chance to see what God could do with leftovers:  Look at verse 15.  Naomi lost her husband and two sons, so she told everyone that she had lost “everything.”  But she had something left over from her tragic ordeal; a daughter-in-law that refused to leave her side.  Like Naomi, we are so focused on what we lost that we do not see what we have left over. Yes, what we lost was devastating…do not get me wrong…but thank God he never allows the enemy to leaves us empty.  When God is going to do a miracle, it is very rare that He brings in something new.   Moses’ staff was used for 40 years to shepherd sheep in the desert and God used it to part the red sea. God used Abraham’s wife who was past her childbearing years to bring forth Isaac.  He used the little boy’s lunch to feed over 10,000 people.  The same disciples who abandoned Jesus on the cross were used to start an unstoppable church.  That’s why God used Ruth to bring forth a child for Naomi, so the women said, she was more to her than seven sons.  In the natural she lost two sons but gained seven in her daughter-in-law.  God will use what you have to bring about a miracle.

A chance to see a dream that could outlive you:  Naomi’s dream was to survive and thrive through a famine, but God’s “dream” was to bring forth something so much greater.  Ruth and Boaz didn’t just have a child, but they had a child that would be the great-grandfather of the second greatest king that ever lived…King David.  That king would be the great, great, great…you get what I mean…grandfather of Jesus Christ, the King of Kings.  She wanted to save her family from famine and death, while God wanted to use her to save the whole world from spiritual death.  What kind of God do we serve??!!   

I don’t know where you are right now.  Maybe you do not know Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior and you stumbled on this website.  You have dreamed, you’ve pursued, and you have lost.  Maybe you be struggling to get over tragedy, loss or misfortunate and you do not know if you could trust God again.  I want to pray with you.

Lord, right now I thank you for my friend.  I thank you so much for allowing me the opportunity to minister to them.  I lift them up to you.  God, I ask that you would touch home where they are and give them peace that surpasses understanding.  God, I don’t know what their situation is but God I pray you will restore their hope in you and help them to trust you again.  I ask that you will make yourself known to them so that they can know you are God.  I pray that the real culprit in their pain be revealed so that they can receive your love.  I thank you for everything you’ve done and all that you are going to do, in Jesus name. Amen.

If you need additional help please don’t hesitate to contact us below or through email at thruthewinters@gmail.com. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram @throughthewinters.com.

Moving Towards Tragedy

What happens when your step of faith leads to nothing but loss and regret?  I know what it’s like to want more than what you see before you.  I was brought up in Queens, NY and my husband was raised in the Bronx.  When we got married, I moved to the part of the Bronx that was decent compared to other regions.  It wasn’t until I had children that I realized that the place in which we would be raising our children was nothing but a nightmare waiting to happen.  There were times when we went to the playgrounds, and there was profanity was written all over the slide—I was never so happy that my kids couldn’t read. There was broken glass, beer bottles all over the place and I was infuriated when I went to put my six-month-old in the swing, and there was human feces on it.  It wasn’t long that it became a trend for kindergarteners to start bringing guns to school.  Sam and I dreamt of better but how, was the question.

It was about two years later when Sam was given the job of youth pastor in the suburbs of Long Island.  The idea of moving out of our nonsense and into something that could give our children a better chance in life was unreal.  But what happens when you dream, and everything does not end in happily ever after?

There is a woman in the Bible who makes my struggles in the inner city look like I was living in the suburbs.  Naomi was living in a place that was dying from famine.  Like me, she and her husband could not continue to live there and expect to survive.  Let’s see what happened.

 Ruth 1: 1-5
In the days when the judges ruled there was a famine in the land, and a man of Bethlehem in Judah went to sojourn in the country of Moab, he and his wife and his two sons. 2 The name of the man was Elimelech and the name of his wife, Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Chilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem in Judah. They went into the country of Moab and remained there. 3 But Elimelech, the husband of Naomi, died, and she was left with her two sons. 4 These took Moabite wives; the name of the one was Orpah and the name of the other Ruth. They lived there about ten years, 5 and both Mahlon and Chilion died, so that the woman was left without her two sons and her husband.

Naomi and her husband Elimelech are face to face with a famine that could have destroyed their family, so the two of them made a choice to take their two boys and set out for a new life.  They took a step of faith so they could survive but then tragedy hit!  Verse 3 said, “BUT Elimelech.”  This wording shows that they did not get to where they were going before loss happened.  Have you ever had a plan to do something that would give you a better life, going back to school, moving, getting a better job, or even career change and a BUT shows up?  Has there been a time when you thought the result had to be favorable but before you could even get started something came and took away something important to you?

What would you do if that happened to you?  Her husband was her partner, and now she was faced with the reality that she would not have her best friend by her side to live life with.  Even though Elimelech passed away, Naomi kept going with her two boys.  She did not give up her dream and you know that because she didn’t return back to her hometown.   Why didn’t she return?  If it were me, it would have been out of embarrassment.  My mother was talking with a friend of ours who is new to the country.  My mother was talking with her about the challenges of coming to a new country in pure faith.  She shares with her that there were times she wanted to go back to Jamaica but the very fear of being seen as a failure to her family back home kept her from allowing herself to go back.  She refused to fail in the land of opportunity.  My mother pushed through, and so did Naomi.

Dream to Nightmare

What happens when your dream turns into a nightmare?  For ten years the three of them lived the best they could without Elimelech.  The boys found wives and got married, but at some point they both got sick—maybe at the same time—and then they too died.  As I read this the first time, I thought, “What in the world is going on?  In what way is this better than the famine?”  Have you ever tried to step out in faith and found yourself regretting every moment?  You felt like you took charge of your life and refused to allow your circumstances to dictate your future, and found yourself face down on the pavement licking dirty?  Instead of bettering yourself you are losing everything that you needed to dream bigger. Maybe you lost the financial cushion, the friend, the family support, the health you needed to achieve your dream.  What in the world could you do?

Look at verse 3– But Elimelech, the husband of Naomi, died, and she was left with her two sons.  Naomi was able to keep going because she was LEFT with her two sons.  But then in verse 5, it said,5 and both Mahlon and Chilion died so that the woman was LEFT WITHOUT her two sons and her husband.  Naomi was willing to move forward when her husband died because she had her sons left but when her sons died, she felt she was left with nothing.  That is not true.  Even though its easier to type this than to live this, “Do not be discourage with what you have left.”  God did not orchestrate the tragedies that Naomi was facing, and he did not orchestrate yours either, but little did she know that God gave her the very thing she needed to fulfill a dream that was bigger than her.   Same with you, you may not realize it, but there is something that you have that God has given you.

How do you move on?  Well, look at what Naomi did…

7 So she set out from the place where she was with her two daughters-in-law, and they went on the way to return to the land of Judah. 8 But Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go, return each of you to her mother’s house. May the Lord deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me. 9 The Lord grant that you may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband!” Then she kissed them, and they lifted up their voices and wept. 10 And they said to her, “No, we will return with you to your people.” 11 But Naomi said, “Turn back, my daughters; why will you go with me? Have I yet sons in my womb that they may become your husbands? 12 Turn back, my daughters; go your way, for I am too old to have a husband. If I should say I have hope, even if I should have a husband this night and should bear sons, 13 would you, therefore, wait till they were grown? Would you, therefore, refrain from marrying? No, my daughters, for it is exceedingly bitter to me for your sake that the hand of the Lord has gone out against me.” 14 Then they lifted up their voices and wept again. And Orpah kissed her mother-in-law…

How embarrassing is it to leave home for a better life, but you get beaten up and robbed of everything of value?  Naomi did what everyone regrets doing, returned back home in the most painful time of life.  I know that when you feel like you have lost everything, you try to get rid of anything that remains. I know that when I was feeling bad for myself, God tried to encourage me by letting me know that I was not alone.  He would show me that there are people in my life that can get me through, but I wanted to feel that pity so I did what I could to push away those people.  I wanted to be alone so that I can turn around and say, “I am alone.  I am truly walking this by myself.” This way I can dive head first in my hopelessness.  Naomi did the same.  She tried pushing away the only ones on this journey with her, and it almost worked.  She was successful in convincing one of her daughter-in-laws to go back home—and I don’t blame Orpah for turning back. Thankfully, Ruth was not so convinced.  Vs 14-but Ruth clung to her.

We need someone in our lives that will cling to us when we are trying to peel them off of us. I have people in my life that would never leave me no matter what I do, but not everyone has someone physically like that.  I can say that God will be that Ruth.  You may try to get rid of everyone, but God will cling and chase you in your worst state. Ruth went on to tell Naomi that there was nothing but death that would separate them.  What’s incredible is that even death can’t separate us from the love of God.

38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Weekly Challenge:

If you are in a time when you have regrets for dreaming big because it turned into a nightmare, I want you to know that it may be painful but it’s time to dream again.  Stop trying to rid yourself of everything to confirm that you are alone; your God will not leave your side.  So I want to challenge you, even though it may be painful to do, to dream again.  Read next week’s article to see how Ruth and Naomi started over. This week look and see what dream turned into a nightmare.  Ask yourself if this has caused you to give up hope for anything better.  We would love to help you. Please  comment below or email us on the side at thruthewinter@gmail.com.

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Don’t Leave Me Summer

What’s happening in your seasons of life?  Summer with my children continues to be the best time of my life, every year.  I used to be a stay-at-home mom, but now I work at their school.  Now, I get the whole summer off with them, and we enjoy the vacation time together.  During this time we go to a friend’s house to play in her pool once, maybe twice a week. We enjoy our yard, play in our pool, and have a ton of BBQ’s.  We enjoy evenings of making smores; the excitement of the Fourth of July fireworks and birthday parties are thrown in honor of my daughters.  Other times, we just enjoy resting in the hammock and listening to music.  

We can’t help loving each other, God, and life its self as we gaze on the bright greenness of the freshly mowed grass that lets off a sweet savor to the Lord.  Life has a different sound as the birds sing their newest worship song to the Lord and the trees wave their arms to the heavens and their leaves shade us from the bright, warm sun.

Uncomfortable Vulnerable

What happens when things change?  As the weather is getting cooler, now in the November month, I stand in the middle of the yard in the beauty of God’s creation and see things changing.  The coolness of the wind lets me know that everything is going to look different in a few weeks.   It is hard to believe that the same yard that was full of action only a few months back will now be barren and almost abandoned of life.  The trees will be bear and come to a deafening silence.  Life just emerged seven months ago, and we were soaking it all up.

One day, many years ago, I was asked to share my testimony to the women’s ministry when I was in my previous church.  A good amount of the members knew me, but they knew nothing about my survival story.  My husband was the youth pastor for the church at the time, and this was his home church where he grew up since he was a child.  Me, however, most of them only knew me for about seven to eight years.  I danced regularly onstage and even created a youth dance team as well.  On this day, I stood on the pulpit alone and started sharing about the day my innocence was stolen from me at the age of five.  I went on to tell them that the violation was nothing compared to the following season of severe abuse that was showered on me regularly.  I admitted about becoming a bully to my peers at school and many other things.  The details of my testimony went on to shock everyone, especially the women who had known me those years.

Everyone Goes Through Winter

Is a winter season only for some or do we all go through it at some time?  You see, I was a woman who had experienced many horrific moments in my life, and I was able to muster the strength to share about the pains of loneliness, bitterness, ugliness, silence, and hopelessness.  I discovered that many of the women in attendance were in their own “winter season” and they thought it would not end. There were some who were recovering from domestic violence or recovering addicts. Others related to me because they saw that I understood loneliness and the feelings of being abandoned.  Everyone, no matter what they were going through, got something from my story that day.   Thank you, Jesus.

Before this day many of the women thought they knew my life because my husband and I were on staff at the church.  They did know parts of me, but not all of me.  They sat there in total shock because my past was not something I wore on my sleeves.  No one had any idea the pain I had suffered with for so many years.  They had only seen me in my “summer season” so to speak.

Like my backyard, there was life coming from me where once there was a drought and silence.  Dancing was the venue in which I used to worship God; to thank him for all He had done for me.  These women were able to witness my joy for God and life, but they did not know of the things I experienced before that time. Many have told me that I should not be able to function the way I do, due to the past I had.  But in the hands of God, He takes, what seems like meaningless pain and makes it into purposeful power.

What challenges are we confronted with during our winters?  Nobody in their right mind would want to go through a spiritual winter.   First, we need to remember that the winter is not a meaningless time.  If you see it that way, then you are going to miss out on the most significant growth process ever.  It is during this time that God can show you how faithful He is.  It is also the period where He can show you His heart and the compassion He has for you.  This is a season of strengthening and a time for God to love up on us more.

Second, winter becomes the time when socializing get’s reduced.  Winter decreases socializing because people tend to stay in more.  It can become a lonely season.  But God separates us from the noise; quiets everything down so that His voice can be heard.  When we are looking to others for help in this time, many miss the lessons and the intimacy that God wants to have with us.

Lastly, this is a time for you to slow down.  I don’t know about you, but the summer is where we are going from one event to another, from one party to the next and sometimes God needs to allow a time for us to be still.  Being still can be the hardest thing for us, humans.  We want to keep doing and moving, but God, at times, brings things to a halt so that we can reassess our lives.

Sadly, many spiritual winters last longer than a few months.  I was 18 years old when my winter ended.  Then, years later, God called me to use my story of loss, abuse, and trauma to help others.  There was no way I could do that unless I confronted the things about my past unless I admitted my insecurity, anger, fear, lack of trust and arrogance.  I thought I could run from it all, but God wanted me to stop using my new life to distract myself from what He needed me to fix.  I was looking at people for approval and companionship, but no one could walk this icy road with me.  There was only room for two, me and my Savior.

As lonely as it was, it was also extraordinarily intimate and passionate as God showed me that He had something prepared for me at the end of all this.  He showed me the faces of the people He was going to bring my way for me to help them through their winters.  

On that day when I first shared my story, many women came to the altar for prayer. Women wept and embraced each other to help bring comfort to each other.  It was finally a time where they could be vulnerable and transparent before the Lord.  They had found someone else that could identify with them.   It was one of the best feelings ever to see, what I thought was a meaningless season and instead served Gods purpose.

Weekly Challenge:

I don’t know where you are in your walk.  If you have not decided to give your life over to God as yet, please know that there is nothing better than giving God these moments of ugliness and loneliness.  Without Jesus those moments will stay meaningless, they will stay ugly and lonely.  But in the hands of God, you can look at those seasons as the most meaningful.  God wants to set you free from the feelings of hopelessness but you first need to trust him.  If you need help with this, please message me.   I would love to talk to you.

But if you have already placed your life in the palm of Jesus’ hand I have to ask how are you using your past winters to help others?  You may see yourself free from the pain that brought on the winter, but what are you doing with it?  We are here for you as well.  If you need help in the steps you can take please contact us. I do not want you to be deceived summer can be just as dead as winter if the one who gives life is not in it. Don’t live in the summer like it’s still winter, if winter is over.  Also if you would like to hear more about my testimony read my book, “The Threshing: A Weapon Forged by Fire.” Sign up here to read the first three chapters for free! You can also buy the full book on Amazon!

Healing Pain

What does pain tell us when it hits?  Well, it all depends on what kind of pain we are talking about right?  Many think that pain is a bad thing and they try to avoid it at every cost.   Sadly, there are times in our lives when we can’t prevent it.  The truth is, pain, whether we expect it or not, will happen. 

At the end of 2014, I became very ill. I didn’t know what was going on and I was experiencing a significant amount of pain in my abdomen.  Each day the intensity of it all was getting worse.   I made an appointment to see my doctor, and he confirmed that I needed major surgery.  He explained that a part of my body had shut down.   It wasn’t a surprise to him because just about three years before he saw the problem developing.  Back then, my doctor explained how he would need to perform surgery and that it would take a few weeks for me to be back to my usual self after it would all be done.  

It was me who didn’t want to do anything about it.  I made the excuse that my kids were too small for me to do such a procedure and I wasn’t in any pain, so whatever was wrong I could deal with it.  It wasn’t worth me losing a few weeks over.  This time, however, I was in pain and it was unbearable.  My doctor explained my condition and that it was not something that was just going to fix itself and go away.  He told me of how it would get worse.  Like any good doctor, he explained the recovery time; this time it would take two months.  In addition, he stressed the importance of rest.   If I didn’t rest properly, the recovery would be longer.  

So I went home that day and broke the news to my husband, and we began to talk about the surgery I needed to have.  

The Good Physician

How important is it to have a good doctor by your side?  I was about to learn this very impactful lesson.  I was going to learn that a season of pain is worth it when the pain is meant to heal.  I went to the hospital, and they prepared for the procedure.  My doctor spoke to me and said, “Marsha don’t worry.  I’ve done this surgery many times.  I will be the last person you see when you go to sleep and the first one when you wake up.”  He comforted me by his words but what made me feel confident was when he looked me in the eye and said, “I will fix you.”  A lump came in my throat, not because of what I was going to go through but because of the love and dedication, this man had for me.  

All happened just as my doctor said.  He told me that the medicine they were injecting in me with would calm me and slowly put me to sleep.  All I remember at that time was seeing his face as my eyes slowly began to close.   The next thing I remember was coming out of the anesthesia and feeling someone’s hand holding mine, ever so gently.  Someone was gripping it with love and stroking it at the top.  I opened my eyes thinking that it was my husband but to my surprise, my doctor was there waiting with me to come out of it.  My husband was on the side waiting for his turn with me.  

What does it feel like when you exchange one form of pain in order to alleviate another?  Hours after the surgery, my doctor came to me to give me a heads up to what the next two months would be like.  He wanted to drill it into my head that I was going to be in a lot of pain for weeks.  I thought, “I had surgery to stop the pain, why do I have to go through a pain that is 100 times worse than the original?” 

I can’t express to you the extreme agony I felt during my recovery.  I could barely walk, barely eat, and I couldn’t sleep without my body hurting.  It even hurt to laugh and if you know anything about my house you know it is hard not to do that.  My wound was so sensitive that I could barely touch it.  This pain I was experiencing was far worse than the one that had me go to the doctor in the first place, but it was meant to be temporary, whereas the other would last and grow worse in time.  

Under The Knife of the Great Physician

All this has brought me to think about how one decides to endure pain when it is God who must perform a “surgery” of the sort on us.  

I understand pain from a natural point of view, but I also know the pain from a spiritual one as well. Years ago, there were relationships that I was involved in that became “infected.”  My friends were amazing and without them I know I wouldn’t be where I am today.  We went through some very tough times together—times that should have destroyed our hope in God—but together we made it through to the other side.  At some point, the effects of life made one of them very bitter, rebellious, vengeful and combative.  Her behavior affected the rest of us.  I saw what she was doing to us and what we were doing to ourselves, but they didn’t see it as I did.  Even though these relationships had gotten me through several painful times of my life, like my body, things started to break down.  What was once good for me was now bringing me pain.  

I felt in my spirit God speaking to me saying, that these relationships were going to hold me back and distract me from what it was that He was doing with me.  The Lord spoke to me and explained that He was not pleased with the distractions that developed in these friendships and that I would not be able to move forward carrying the baggage caused by them.  Like the physical pain I experienced, I tried to believe that it would eventually go away; I decided to make changes in my life that could allow me to be close to them and still move forward.  Sadly, it only got to a point where God said, like my doctor, “This is not going to fix itself.”  

The bond between my friends was not just with us.  Our families were so stitched together; it wasn’t easy for either party.  Though it pained me to do so, I allowed myself to fall under the knife of The Great Physician.  Painfully, very, very, painfully, God cut those relationships out of my life.  Unlike my natural surgery, I did not have the luxury of sleeping through it all, I was forced to keep my eyes on God as he cut an important part of me out of my life.  Under his knife, I could not take my eyes off of Him because when I did, the procedure took longer and pain only increased.  I needed to focus on Him, not the pain, and so do you. 

God needed to be the first person I saw before it happened and He needed to be the first face I looked at both during and after it was all over.  I cannot even explain the hurt of losing those relationships.  Even today so many years later, the horror of that period of my life leaves a scar and with the scar, memories.  This I know though, that through it all, my Lord never stopped holding my hand reassuring me that it would all be okay. 

Healing Hurts

Why do people make healing sound so good, don’t they know about the pain in healing?  In the same way that I became physically healthier because of my natural surgery, I am now also spiritually healthier because of my spiritual surgery.  

I didn’t realize it until after the friendships went in different directions that I had allowed a lot of their thinking, behavior, and negativity to infect my walk.   I learned something in both situations — recovery is neither easy nor painless.  You see, my physical body was hurting badly and it was a pain that was destroying me.  Even though the original pain could not compare to the two months of healing, the hurt I felt in those two months was of healing.  And I realize now that, sometimes healing hurts more than the original pain. 

Just like I needed to heal physically, I had to heal spiritually.  Those years of healing after God cut my friends out was more painful than the hurt I was feeling in those relationships.  I want to leave you with a few things… 

1) Pain is not always a bad thing.  Sometimes we run from pain because we fear that it will never end.  But that is not true.  Under the right hand of God, pain is only for a season.

 2) Don’t lose focus, and don’t take your eyes off of the Surgeon.  You may be tempted to look and see what he is doing, but God just asks for you to trust him and focus on Him and nothing else.

3) My friend, healing hurts.  Healing can be more painful than the hurt we have encountered. Sometimes God has to remove people or other things for our healing to start.  The removal and recovery can be harder to endure than the season itself. 

 Unfortunately, the blow of the absence seems worse than the hurt it is inflicting on us.  God wants to restore us to a healthy state, and sometimes that restoration will take us through a process, and the process doesn’t always promise to be easy.  Yes, our walk may hurt at times, and yes we are going to be sensitive to the wound of the surgery, but God will make us whole again. 

Deuteronomy 31:6 (AMP) says,

“Be strong, courageous, and form; fear not nor be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you; He will not fail you or forsake you.”  

God is reassuring you that he can fix you, but all you have to do is trust him. 

Weekly Challenge:

Have you ever experienced spiritual surgery?  If you are in your winter season, be honest with yourself — is God confirming to you that something is wrong?  Is he saying that there is no getting around this, it must be removed?  How are you preparing your life for this hiccup? We would love to hear from you in the comments below, or you can send us an email.

It’s Perfect For Me!

How do some see perfection in something that is so imperfect?   March of 2006 my husband felt in his heart that it was time to leave the hustle and bustle of the inner city and move to the countryside of Long Island. God led him to a church an hour and a half away from where we were living at the time. He met the lead pastor, Pastor Dominick, and had an interview for the next youth pastor. Sam was so excited about the interview. He came back and told me everything concerning the church, the school they had and the beautiful piece of property we could possibly be moving to. There was one catch, I would find out when I got there… Sometime in June Sam, our two oldest children—Joey, who was five at the time, and Rachel, who was two—and I went to visit this possible new church. After the meeting, Dominick gave us a tour around the property that was on eight acres of land. It had a pre-school and an elementary school and playground that they would have access to. There was just so much space for the kids to play. 

What could possibly be the catch to moving?  The last thing he showed us was the house we would live in if we were to take the position. It had been vacant for months. It was a two bedroom house made for a single person. The house was so small that it barely looked like it could hold all of us from the outside. My husband was 6’5” and Dominick was almost 6’3” and the ceilings were very low—there is even one part of our kitchen that came down to my husband’s neck. He turned on the lights and for a minute I didn’t know what to think. There was a bit of a smell, it was a little dusty, the carpet had stains that couldn’t come out, but the house was bigger than it looked from the outside. 

Dominick’s face showed that he was not happy with what he had to offer, but it was all they had. Sam and I walked around and the kids ran to their possible bedroom which was huge, overall. It was clear that this was the catch. 

“I know it is small but this is all that we have.” 

I looked around at what they had and with joy in my heart, I said, “We will take it! It’s perfect.” Was it perfect for everyone? No way. But it was perfect for me and my family. I knew this “little house on the prairie” had potential. All it needed was some loving people to bring it to life.

God Will Never…Reject You…

Have you ever felt ashamed to offer the best you had just for it to be rejected and criticized?  I understood where Dominick was coming from when you are offering something that is your best but could be easily rejected. When I was eleven years old I knew that I was not going to make it much longer if I did not give my heart to the Lord. The Lord was chasing after me since I was very young but I felt like doing things my way; shortly after, I finally hit rock bottom.  I indulged in sin and it had a grip on me like a pit bull on a pork bone. I would spit out insults and vulgarities to anyone who could hear. 

How did an 11-year-old hit rock bottom?  Well about a year before I gave my heart to God, Child Protective Services came into my home after my father beat me up in school. I got into a fight with another schoolmate and my father was called for a meeting. In the meeting, the teacher rattled off all the disrespectful things I had done to several teachers in the school. With every offense, my father grew angrier until he could not hold it in anymore. He proceeded to slap me in my face and eventually beat me up in the middle of school. He took off his belt and proceeded to whip me until I eventually grabbed the belt and refused to let go.  Since I refused to let go he threw me on the floor and started stepping in my face with his dirty shoes and in my chest in order to pry the belt from my hands.  

Somehow I finally let go and proceeded to run down the hall begging for someone to help me.  The authorities were called and my father was contained, a threat was given to my parents. They were not allowed to put their hands on me for a least a year and this gave me a break from all the beatings.  

…Because Our Imperfections are Perfect

God took the opportunity to speak to my heart.   “Marsha you are not going to make it through the year without me.” He told me that when I gave my life to God the abuse was not going to stop right away but that He would be there by my side. I wanted to surrender, but didn’t he see the things that I had done?  Why would he want me when I was so flawed? He had to want something more from me.  Yes, He wanted something from me. He wanted my vacant heart. Like Dominick, I felt like what I had to offer was not worthy. I offered my heart but I told him it was dark, cold, broken and most of all, way too small for Him to fit in. Before I could explain why His occupancy would not work He said, “It’s just perfect.” Like I said my new home would be perfect.  God, like me, could care less about the size, the dirt, the darkness or even the coldness of my heart. 

If he doesn’t reject it then what next?  All God wanted was a vacancy. God knew that he could do anything with the little I had to offer. He was going to clean out my dirt, His warmth would bring comfort to a cold place, he brought to light in the dark spots. Most of all Jesus has the habit of taking the small meaningless things and making them significant. He turned water into wine, He turned dirt into a healing balm for the blind. 

But one amazing story found in each of the gospels is the day Jesus fed over 5,000 men, not including their families. The disciples wanted to dismiss everyone that had been following them so that the people could eat. Jesus told the disciples that they should feed them instead of just sending them home. Their response was John 6:9 (NIV),

“Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?”

This little boy had a small lunch and it was this lunch that Jesus thought was perfect to feed over 5,000 people. Jesus could have asked His disciples to find something better because He had a reputation to uphold, but instead, He showed what kind of God He was by taking anything given to Him and making it amazing.  He can do the same thing with you.  God will never lie to us God will never lie to us about how much he loves us.  He will never leave us when we need him the most and He will never change no matter how much this world changes.

Weekly Challenge:

Are you like me – do you ever look at what you have to give God and believe that it’s not good enough? Are you questioning why God can’t use you? Is your inner image of God flawed?   Give God what you have, don’t talk yourself out of it. Stop telling God what His limits are. He doesn’t care about the accommodations of your heart…he just wants a vacancy. He doesn’t want to visit you, he wants to live in you. Take some time to write down your thoughts, why you’re holding back from letting God take residence in your heart? If you need help with that please contact us by emailing us at thruthewinters@gmail.com

Also if you would like to hear more about my testimony read my book, “The Threshing: A Weapon Forged by Fire.” Sign up here to read the first three chapters for free! You can also buy the full book on Amazon!